July 2008

At 9:52am today I was talking to my dad on the phone, rambling on about who knows what, when I look up at the calendar and say, “OH! Asher has a 10:00am lab appointment, gotta go!” CLICK. (sorry Dad!) I frantically call the best neighbors in the whole entire universe (I say “universe” in case there are aliens, because my neighbors are even better than ET). And the Best Neighbor in the Universe comes right over to watch Miles while I half change Asher’s pj’s and run out the door yelling, “THANKS, be right back!” We get to the clinic and rush up the stairs only to find out they are WAY behind. So we wait. I feed Asher random (old) snacks from the diaper bag, and try to keep him from wanting to crawl all over the lab waiting room floor. I’ve woken him up from his morning nap, but he doesn’t […]

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Recently on Twas Brillig, there appeared a hilarious and thought-provoking post. Which happens most every day with that lady. Brillig posed a question. I cannot do her post justice, of course. But since my thoughts were provoked there, she deserves the credit for the subject matter. Here it is: “Do you often feel that you are, in one way or another “better” than the crowd?”Right now the poll is like this:88% YES11% NO At first I thought of how often I feel insecure in a crowd. So my immediate response was NO, I don’t feel “better” than others. I know we all disagree and judge each other on a regular basis. We see something done differently than we would do it and we think it’s wrong, not just simply different. Most of us anyway. But I wonder how much of that comes from how insecure we human-folk really are. It makes us feel […]

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Birth Order

July 29, 2008

A busy brain = too much posting. Forgive me. But I have to do this or my brain actually stops working all-together due to over-crowding. You just never know what might get kicked out with all the over-load. And I need a lot of the information that’s in there now. Like what year it is. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about birth order. I guess I always have thought a lot about it. There are just the two of us in my family, my older sister and I. It always seemed to me that our birth order was a really big deal. It was talked about a lot. I was called “the baby.” My sister took on a more responsible, rule-following, mature existence. I did not. I liked to goof off (still do) and be with my friends. I hated being home, was easily bored. As a child, I was more laid […]

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I Love Mario and Luigi

July 29, 2008

Maybe you’ve heard about this new video game, Fat Princess by Sony. Basically the object of the game is to feed cake to your ever-expanding princess, making her immobile. Who thinks this stuff up? I think I better keep my finger on the pulse of pop culture so as not to be totally clueless when my boys start the video game interest. Ugh. I used to play Nintendo. It was fun. I played with my dad. We bonded. I’m not totally against “gaming.” I definitely think it should be limited. Kids shouldn’t sit there all day playing games. Everything in moderation right? Unless they ask for this game. I’ve got to draw the line somewhere. This seems like a good place. Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather

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A Busy Mind

July 28, 2008

I’m the type of person who has to go back in the house three times before I actually drive out of the driveway. I forget the diaper bag. Then I realize I don’t have my cell phone. Then I decide I should probably bring something for the boys to drink in case they’re the type of humans who need hydration. Stuff like that. Since I’m that type of person, you can probably guess that I’m also the type to wander around the house, forgetting why I’m in a certain room. I’ll ask myself what I’m doing and be totally stumped. Then moments later I’ll remember I was looking for my keys. I’ll go back to searching only to have someone tell me that my keys are in my hand. All of this could be because my mind is like a freight train, blasting past topic after topic. My freight train is moving at […]

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I’m a Princess

July 27, 2008

The other day, Miles, Asher and I were eating lunch at the table. Miles suddenly climbed down under the table and was rustling around. I asked him what he was doing and he said, “I’m looking for your princess crown, mommy!”Funny on so many levels really. When he climbed out from under the table, the smell that came with him revealed his true under-the-table mission. Poop. So now you know what to say the next time you’re heading off to the bathroom and someone asks where you’re going. “To find my princess crown.” Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather

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Fifteen?

July 27, 2008

I had my fifteen year high school reunion last night. I woke up this morning and I thought, “fifteen. fifteen. one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen…”How did that happen? Sometimes I feel like it can’t be possible. Other times I feel like it’s been even longer. Mostly I just don’t feel my age. Ever. But that’s not the point. And neither is this, but just for the record I don’t think there needs to be a fifteen year reunion. Most schools do reunions only every ten years. Much more suspense and time to lose weight between reunions. But I digress. Again. I did have a good time last night despite my being against the fifteen year thing. I saw people I hadn’t seen at the ten year reunion, and many I hadn’t seen since. It was good. Over the years, I’ve learned that we […]

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The thing about the catscan is that I really don’t think it’s necessary, but it’s quite hard to ignore that the doctor seemed a wee bit concerned. And she is an excellent and seasoned doctor. I’m sure she’s also a bit paranoid that someone might sue her pants off if she didn’t always suggest the tests, there’s always that…. We decided that having the catscan would kill two birds with one stone. Asher is knocked over, hitting his head on the floor – CRACK! – at least three times a day by his brother. Then there are the times he isn’t pushed over, but simply loses his balance and – CRACK! – hits the noggin on the hardwood again and again. Which happens around three times a day as well. Yes, this happens to all babies. They have thick skulls. But I’m convincing myself the catscan will be more worthwhile if we also […]

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My Secret Lover

July 24, 2008

There’s this little counter area in my kitchen. It keeps the world at my fingertips. This space holds the computer. When I cook, the computer is there. When I walk through the room on my way to doing important things, the computer is there. When I do dishes, the computer is there, right behind me, calling out to me, begging me for attention. He is quite the suitor, my computer. “He?,” you say. Yes, if he’s going to be a suitor in this post, he is a him. Obviously. It’s so flattering really, how much he enjoys my attention. And it goes both ways. I mean, it’s nice to get so much validation and support from him, shining brightly as he tells me of the world, all he’s seen, where he’s been. He especially likes the smell of my chili, the perfume of my kitchen, currently simmering on the stove-top just inches away. […]

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A Front Row Seat

July 23, 2008

Sometimes life gets really full of uncomfortable and painful stuff. Then I remember that conversation with my dad when I was about 21. When I said, “is life always hard, or does it ever get easier?” Oh, my naivete! He just looked at me and smirked. A smirk that said, “I don’t want to tell you the truth right now.” And I was crushed. Because I so badly wanted to believe it would get easier, even though I knew deep down that it wouldn’t. Not that life isn’t full of joys, but many times, the sorrows sneak up and try to steal away the good things. You know how there can just be weeks at a time, or sometimes much longer, when you feel you’re treading water and there is absolutely no boat in sight? You know it’s there, coming sometime, but you’re really tired of swimming. Of spinning your wheels. Not getting […]

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Torturing Asher

July 21, 2008

Do you have that piece of paper handy? The one with the long list of things that, according to the doctor, might be wrong with Asher? I mean, it’s been quite a year. There was concern that he was missing part of his digestive system (xrays at Children’s=no abnormalities). There was concern that he had the worst case of reflux ever to hit a baby (he drinks barium at 2 months, at Children’s, has another xray=we find out he indeed has reflux, but just the usual variety). And then there was the concern that there was a hole in the digestive system (more xrays). And then we saw a GI specialist, etc…. Oh! And don’t forget all that went wrong with the circumsicion and the the urology appointments. Don’t forget that, that’s fun too… Asher is strapped in to some sort of hold-the-baby-upright-device with his arms over his head for these xrays. He […]

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The Truth Heals

July 20, 2008

You know that old saying, “the truth hurts?” Well, I think it heals. You know, the truth will set you free and all that…I love the idea behind this challenge from Mama Manifesto for that reason. The challenge? GET REAL! If every mom felt free to do so, I think we’d all be a bit more comfortable in our own skin. Not as a justification for the times that we don’t measure up to what we’d like to be doing, but as a recognition that we are only human and can’t be perfect. We all have some things we need work on and we always will. Some are the same and some are different. But admitting them can be the very thing that makes another mom realize she doesn’t have to kill herself to try to be something that another mom is not. (If you’d like to play along, leave a comment with […]

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A Little Perspective

July 20, 2008

What’s harder? Giving two over-tired boys who’ve eaten too much a bath? Or feeding over a hundred people at once? I realize there are a few variables. When feeding over a hundred there’s a large staff, maybe 1 volunteer to every 20 guests. When giving two boys a bath and getting ready for bed, there are only two. But that’s two boys to two parents. Easy peasy right? I left the festival last night after helping with dinner to run to my parent’s and help Ryan get the boys to bed. Getting the boys to bed seemed simple to me as I was driving out, thinking about how I’d give Ryan a hand for a little while and head back to Sonshine to help clean up since this was the last day. But life is full of little surprises… Speaking of surprises, that reminds me of the stupid dog and her lovely incident. […]

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Sonshine ’08

July 19, 2008

I’m sitting in a motor home backstage at Sonshine Music Festival. I am dog tired. I made more turkey and vegetable wraps for the artists today than I could count. Yesterday I cut up about a zillion apples. For the artists. For a fruit salad. Then I was a part of a human assembly line, passing boxes from one refrigerator truck to another because the first truck broke down and quit it’s tiring, “keep the food cool” job. It was a random and beautiful moment, as simple as it was. All of the team working together, laughing and talking while hoisting boxes of food in our attempt to save the day. All the while there’s the thump thump thump of the bass coming from main stage, and the roaring of the crowd, anxiously shouting for their favorite band to come on and rock the party. (If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, this […]

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A Little Lift

July 17, 2008

NO, not the boobers. They are not lifted whatsoever. Stop thinking about that, we’re moving on! There’s this great site called Mama Manifesto. I just thought I would mention that. Just for kicks. I’m just randomly mentioning Mama Manifesto. Like I said….for kicks. Maybe you should look at it (click right up there on “Mama Manifesto,” I mean you know, for kicks). I’ll wait right here…. ….. ….. Oh! Are you back? Good, glad you came back. HAAA! What fun! Me. There. A post on Mama Manifesto. What fun. Nice lady, Kristen, of the Manifesto (and other good things) seems really cool. I mean, I’ve never laid eyes on her in real life. But she writes really well, is genuine, funny and cute. If not for the timing of my post showing up on Mama Manifesto (simply put-a day brightener for me), I may have counted this as one of the worst days […]

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Squeeze, Squeeze

July 16, 2008

Miles was grabbing my boobs tonight at bedtime. He was saying, “let me hug these guys,” while reaching out with a tiny hand. (squeeze squeeze) “yeah, these guys.” (squeeze squeeze) “This one.” (squeeze) “And this one.” (squeeze) (This all happened really fast so please stop having visions of me just standing there, allowing my child to fondle me.) I just was kind of shocked, so I didn’t move too quickly. Lately, Milesy’s big stalling-at-bed-time technique is to hug my back, then my head, then my face, then my foot, then my “udder foot.” And on it goes. Today he added the boobs. I’m not sure what I’ll do if he continues to make this particular request as he goes through his list of body parts to hug. “Honey, we do not hug boobers,” doesn’t seem like a good response. I don’t know. I’m too tired to decide right now. I guess I’ll just […]

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ONE

July 16, 2008

One year ago today, Asher Michael entered the world. He came C-section, and the doctors placed bets immediately on how much he would weigh. They were all way off, with their 9lb, some oz. guesses. They aimed too low. Ryan came back from the weighing and measuring, laughing and saying, “you aren’t going to believe this.” Then he proudly announced, “10, 10!” I said, “What do you mean? Ten what?” I was convinced he was joking, or talking about some sort of other measurements I’ve never heard of. I was delirious, woozy, cold and anxious to meet Asher. He repeated the numbers, explaining that our baby weighed nearly 11 lbs. I was silenced. (That doesn’t happen much.) Then we laughed. And laughed. NO WAY! How did he fit in there? NO WONDER my back hurt so badly this pregnancy! When we were introduced, I couldn’t believe his size and couldn’t stop kissing his […]

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A Tubing Story

July 15, 2008

I had the best time last night with my friend, Lana. That girl will make you laugh until you cry. The way she spins a story is genius. She can take the littlest interactions we experience together and turn it into the funniest, most relatable piece of comic genious. I can’t stand it. What would I do without my friends? So last night our server walked up to the table to take our order. We ordered. Quickly. Cause we’re boring and we were only having chips and dip. So we said, “sorry we’re not getting much.” To which the nice young lady responded by saying she was glad we were only getting chips because, She got hurt when being pulled by a boat on a tube yesterday.Her hand was stuck in the handle, so she couldn’t let go.There was a lot of bouncing and waviness, which caused her to “pencil dive.”The driver couldn’t […]

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There is a question being raised on a blog I read;The blogging thing…why do you do it? I get emails or comments every once and again from moms who are in the same rockin‘ little boat that I’m in. Moms who know what it’s like to be “in the trenches.” Moms who waver through bouts of sleep-deprivation and frustration and move into days of joy and thankfulness. Moms who know exactly what I mean when I talk about a toddler tantrum or colic. Moms who need to connect as much as I do. That’s why I sit here almost every day and share from my heart. Because I know I need that sense of community, and am more than thankful to give it to someone else. Sometimes I think too much about what I’m going to say and picture certain people who I know are reading and try to win their approval. Sometimes […]

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It has been many years since I found “amusement” parks amusing. Call me a park-party-pooper. Hot. Crowds. Sticky stuff on the ground to hop around. Reminds me of the state fair, which most people love, but not so much me. Lines. Sweat. Squinting… Sometimes I would still go, even before I had kids, to humor my friends or family. While trudging along, I would look around at the families with small children and wonder why there were so many. I would wonder how it could be fun at all to chase toddlers through the crowds, change diapers in strange and dirty places, and stand in long lines with impatient wigglers. Sticky. Germs. Five dollars for thirty seconds on the merry-go-round. Ugh… I would watch the little tots on the miniature cars, trains, and boats, waving as they went round and round in small circles. Cameras would be flashing, parents calling out their child’s […]

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Dear Ryan,

July 12, 2008

In my defense, when I came upon the scene, I did not scream. Even if we used to have a little grass under that mud. The clean-up process (HOW?) did immediately enter my mind. Yet I did not scream. I had visions of Asher eating worm poop. I did not scream. Remember how I swung my arms at my sides and used my, “I’m really trying to be cool about this” voice? Aren’t I grown up? (replay of my thought process):“Boys like mud,” I said to myself. “They’re having fun. Go nuts. I will try not to be my usual neurotic self about this and go get the camera. That is what I will do. I will be fun mom.” I did not think, “what was he THINKING?!?” I stopped my brain from doing that. I’m making progress. I must really love you.Always,Heather Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your […]

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10 4 Good Buddy

July 11, 2008

Ryan called on his way back from a work trip yesterday. He was gone Monday through Thursday. He often has to put on a lot of road miles, driving hours and hours to get to sites. In typical Ryan fashion, he began the conversation with a joke,“I’m calling from my life as an over-the-road trucker.” To which I responded, in my typical fashion (bratty),“I hate to break it to you, but your job is not that glamorous.” Well, it really isn’t. He measures buildings and counts their contents (i.e. when appraising a school, he counts a lot of computers. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…. it makes him feel quite brilliant.) He doesn’t necessarily love his job, I’ll keep it at that. And since I’m so loving and supportive 100% of the time, I did some job searching for him today. It was so selfless of me. It had absolutely nothing to do with […]

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A Picture Story

July 11, 2008

I love my life… HEY!!! Who’s doing that?!? “Help me, pick me up, help me,someone sprayed me!!!” (all credit to Sabrina for the picture story idea. Sabrina, stop camping and come home, all of us are hurting over the lack of comments!) Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather

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Of bees. But that’s not what I’m talking about today… My main squeez-a-roonie and I are in talks about possibly moving to my hometown. Where I grew up. Not the city. Small place. Been gone for years. Currently a city girl. Scared of going back in time. Scared. You see, I moved back there about ten years ago, not long after college, and had a not-so-smart time of life. I was single, confused, silly, immature, and did I mention silly? I call the couple of years (three?) I lived there my “stupid years.” The years where I did everything I never thought I would do in the name of stupidity. Just floundered. Made a fool of myself. You get the idea. It may be a matter of pride that keeps me from considering fully the idea of actually living there. Because I know I made a bit of a name for myself in […]

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“Daddy, look at that spider. Do you like that spider? (Daddy says no.)Why, Daddy? Does it bite?” (Daddy says he doesn’t know.)Daddy, is it a biteyish spider?” Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather

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A Perfectionist Parent

July 9, 2008

People say they like it when I’m honest about how hard life is with kids sometimes. Okay, almost all the time, but I’m desperately trying to stay positive here. But really, people say that and I kinda wonder… If you have been lying about enjoying my authenticity, and what you really think is that I’m a whiner, then please discontinue reading this cause it’s about to get ugly in here. I totally admire mothers who keep their cool and remain positive and happy about their days. I really do. I strive to be her. But sometimes I’m just not capable. Today for example. I do believe I might combust. There is so much impatience and fatigue and frustration boiling around on my insides, I might actually explode, leaving my finally clean house covered in smoke and dust. But then I would be resting, so I don’t mind. Maybe I should start a forum […]

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Oldies and Delerium

July 8, 2008

I’ve had an oldies station on all day today. For kicks. It’s not cool that they play Billy Joel and call it “oldies,” but whatever. They’re currently playing Thank You for Being a Friend (you know the theme from Golden Girls). I ask myself and you, why do I like this song so much? So fluffy and cheesy and just…well, not even good. But I just feel all light-hearted when I hear it. So…thank you for being a friend. Traveling down the road and back again. Your heart is true. You’re a pal and a confidant. And if you threw a party and invited everyone you know, you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say “thank you for bein‘ a friend.” um. They also played Muskrat Love and I thought, what the H is muskrat love and is it good? Have you ever noticed that […]

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Toss it and Move On

July 8, 2008

I was just cleaning up the house, moving the highchair back to it’s position up against the wall between the desk and the bouncy seat. The leg of the highchair and the leg of the bouncy seat kept clashing together, making it hard to get the stupid chair in proper position. That’s when it hit me. We no longer have a need for the bouncy seat. Asher does not sit, strapped in, to anything (besides his car seat and then he cries the whole time). Because he’s nearly one. Yet I kept the stupid, toe-stubbing bouncy seat right there in the middle of the dining room all this time, vacant. It became furniture. Or a decoration. Completely unnoticed except for the times when Miles, Ryan and I would cry out after our big toes met their fate (pretty much daily). This little unimportant event got me thinking about how many things like that […]

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Connected

July 7, 2008

I don’t watch the news or read the paper. I don’t because first of all, I’m lazy like that. And secondly, I just can’t handle all the bad news. I figure if there’s really something I need to know, Ryan will tell me. Sometimes he fills me in on the most appalling stories and then I want to kick him. But I don’t. That wouldn’t be very patient and kind. And I am always 100% patient and kind, just ask him. Anyway, just because I don’t watch the news or read the paper doesn’t mean I can escape the sad stories of this life. I love reading blogs. Even blogs about really sad times in people’s lives. When I feel a strong sense of empathy or sympathy, or simply some of the pain over someone’s situation, it actually makes me feel good in the end. Because I do believe that we really can […]

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Photo Moments

July 6, 2008

Look! The Ash Man pulled himself upand stood!New trick! New trick! These are my kids. They are exhaustedafter much fun and play this 4th of Julyat Nanny and Bapa’s.This is what they do whenthey lose their minds… And this is what Ryan does when he loses his mind.He plays in a kiddie pool by himselfwhile his son opens birthday presents. Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather

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