October 2008

I’m so far behind on life. The dust bunnies are getting so big, they might eat the dog. Or one of the children. That would not be good. I’m learning a valuable lesson through my current state of mind (overwhelmed), and Asher’s current state of mind (watery). The lesson? I need help. We all need help, especially in certain seasons, but I’m not all that good at asking for it. Somewhere along the road, I started to believe that I’m somehow a better person if I can do it all on my own. That seems to be the idea most mothers have. That having help somehow steals something from their mothering trophy case. I should know better than to have this belief because I see myself when other people are around. I earn a lot more trophies when I’m encouraged and inspired by the presence of other grown-ups. Being surrounded in help here […]

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I love your sleepy, sharp blue eyes. I love the way those eyes light up when they see me. I love the place where your nearly hairless head meets the back of your neck. I love your squishy cheeks and thighs. Their softness makes me want to push my nose in them all day long.I love how you giggle like you’re giving a courtesy laugh, a short little ha…ha….ha…….ha…I love how you blew into our lives with such a force and have not calmed down since. I love the things I’m learning because of you. I have more strength because of you. I can be trusted with much more than I ever dreamed I could handle. I was strong even before you came, only I didn’t really know that. Until you showed me. This was the beginning of a deeply rooted love for you and I’m so thankful for the way we’ve bonded […]

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The Noggin Update

October 29, 2008

I don’t know how to say that everything is not okay. That the catscan was for a reason. I don’t know how to say it, so bear with me as I just jump right in. Asher has a condition called hydrocephalus. The CT showed that the ventricles that bring fluid to his spinal cord from his brain are dilated. This means they’re too full, making it impossible for good flow and leaving too much fluid around his brain. I don’t even completely understand it all myself. We’ll have an appointment with the pediatric neurosurgeon to find out the details. What I know is that the surgeon will go in and put a shunt where the ventricles are, opening it up and creating better flow. You wanna know what else I know? 1. This was caught before the pressure on his brain caused damage.2. My friend Katie was with me when I got the […]

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The Noggin, Part 77

October 29, 2008

Asher has his catscan this morning. You might be saying, I thought you weren’t going to do that silly thing? Well, we weren’t. Not after the twelve month appointment. But now we are. We’re indecisive like that. I still assume there’s nothing wrong with our boy. He’s simply a genius. Hence, the large noggin. Obviously. But the noggin did take another LEAP in growth at his fifteen month appointment, so we figured it was time for complete peace of mind. Most likely we’ll just find out that his brain is SO big he’s going to change the world forever with his ingenuity, great love for peace and justice, and his mind-reading abilities. (I swear he can read my mind.) I’m taking him by myself as Ryan is out of town, so we’ll see if this leads to a blog post. Things tend to get all weird and sometimes hilarious when I’m involved. But […]

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DSL is down, so is wife

October 28, 2008

Hi! This is Ryan. I’m the husband. Last week when I was gone the toilet was broken. This week it is the computer (the DSL connection), which is way worse. When we were all getting ready for Y2K I should have stocked up on dsl routers instead of spring water and dried packets of food. My poor wife, she cannot catch a break. Hopefully she will be up and running soon because she REALLY wants to be reading your blog posts. We do not know yet what is exactly wrong, this may not be solved until I get home. Nice to meet you on the World Wide Interweb! Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather

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Bloggy Giveaway!

October 27, 2008

Rocks in the Sun by Troy Livesay I met more blog friends yesterday. God is really good. I can’t believe He takes the time to bring just the right people to my life via the silly old internet. But He does. I’m thankful for the chance to hug Tara while jumping up and down. Meeting her was like meeting an old friend. An old friend that I had never before met, but felt like the comfort of an old shoe. Yes, Tara. You are an old shoe. And that’s the best kind of compliment. Because you’re the kind of friend I would definitely choose to put on, familiar and broken in, as if I’d met you somewhere other than bloglandia years and years ago. You are lovely! Thank you for fitting in some moments with me in your short trip to the Minnesota. Check out the Livesay (Haiti) Web Log, people. It is […]

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Hi! Yes I’m changing the look of the EO. Again. I can’t help myself. It’s too much fun to tinker around with this blog thing. Bear with me as I put myself back together. (If you’ve been reading this blog lately, you’ll know how funny that last sentence really is. I’m hilarious.) Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather

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The blog gods were smiling on me yesterday. Okay, I don’t really believe in blog gods, but if I did, I would think they really like me. And then I would think they’re nice, and I would picture them as butterflies with brilliant colors and cute pudgy caterpillar faces. Smiling. And apparently pretty hairy. With REALLY big eyes. Anyway, yesterday was a much better day. My supportive superhero of a husband arrived home from Detroit (or, DeToilet) in the morning and sent me off to a coffee shop to spend four hours returning your lovely emails, reading a lovely book and catching up on your lovely blog posts (still not caught up, stop writing such great stuff so I can catch up, sheesh). Yes, true story. FOUR hours. I sat there by myself, plunking away at the keyboard and smiling a lot. With coffee. And some chili. I love me some chili. I […]

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The Fire

October 24, 2008

Miles walked up to me this morning and said, “you’re the best mommy in the whole wide world.” Right now, that simply isn’t true. But I’m so unbelievably thankful that he still thinks so. Even though I’ve been too tired and sad to play cars almost every time he asks. Even though he gets in trouble because of my impatience more than he should. Even though I put him to bed in the shirt he wore all day last night, and forgot to have him brush his teeth. Even though I cried through the boys’ bath the other night and couldn’t stop, scaring them and bringing Miles to ask, “When is Daddy coming home?” Even though… Isn’t it amazing, how children have this vast propensity to forgive, quickly and without shaming you or judging your mistakes? I’m not being negative or hard on myself when I say I truly don’t deserve it. Not […]

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You are…

October 22, 2008

No matter how it seems sometimes behind my weary eyes and sighs,I love being with you. You are perspective and pure joy. You are bringing me to my knees,exactly where I need to be. You are beautiful, just as you are. You are me. You are Daddy. You are yourself, and that’s my favorite part. You are ours. You are His. You are light and grace and warmth,all wrapped up in skin and bone.You are forgiving and unconditional.You are examples to me of how to live. Because you are everything I may have forgotten.Things all covered up by the hardness of living.freedom, joy, peace, dreams…you are. You smell like it. You live it. You exude it.You are love.———They say I’ll want these days back,They go all too fast. But I’m starting to realize I won’t.No, not the days.I admit they’re too hard and I’m tired.I won’t want the days. But these tiny versions […]

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Anger Everywhere

October 22, 2008

I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately. Okay, not a “bit” of a funk, but a full-blown funk. I’m struggling with moods that aren’t pretty. I’ve been allowing the negative thoughts that pop up throughout the day to win out. One of the emotions that I so easily fall back on is anger. It’s triggered easily for me. Sadness and confusion, they turn to anger. Fatigue and frustration, they turn to anger. I’m quick to snap at my kids and if my husband were here I’d snap at him too. The irony of my feeling this way right now is that two posts of mine about anger are on two different sites today. God certainly has an excellent sense of humor. And impeccable perfect timing. One of these posts is all about allowing anger and then doing something healthy with it. I cannot tell you how much I needed to be […]

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From the mouth of Miles

October 21, 2008

This week’s “From the Mouth of Miles” is making me all weepy. As I went to post this, he left the kitchen saying, “Mommy, when I’m a grown-up, I will drink coffee with you.” Okay, but stop growing up so fast… _______After biting his lip, he cries and says through his tears, “I bit my wiiip.” So I try to console him by saying, “Oh, Honey I’m sorry.” There’s a pause and he says, “Don’t be sorry Mom, you didn’t bite my lip.” He’s doing a little dance in front of Asher, who sits on the floor smiling up at his big brother. Miles says, “I’m just showing Asher my moves.” Miles and Daddy are looking out the window and Daddy says, “LOOK! The bird bath is frozen!”To which Miles responds, “Yeah! Now birds can skate on it!” He’s running around all crazy, on a sugar high or something and yells out, “Ladies […]

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Let’s see if you smarty pants people can answer a few questions for me. There are many things about blogging that are questions we should not ask. Like, how many blogs are too many to be reading per day? Or, do you have to read all the comments before you make a comment to make sure you aren’t repeating anyone? Do you ever comment out of obligation? Are you getting carpal tunnel? Is your chair, or how your sitting all sprawled out on your bed ergonomically correct? Would people keep blogging and love it if there were never any comments ever? Stuff like that. Things everyone has a different opinion on. I mean, some people don’t think I’m getting carpal tunnel and some do. Those are good questions, but I have some others. Maybe you could help?________Part One: The technical question: Do you subscribe to blogs with a reader or by email? If […]

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Sunday Suck Ups

October 18, 2008

It’s Sunday Suck Ups time again! Beckyof On top of the world (or at least really far north) wrote a post that any mom can relate to and laugh through. Becky is a gifted writer and speaks her heart and mind with loads of wisdom and humor. You’ll love her if you don’t already. Sarah over at Sarah and the Goon Squad wrote a post about internet information overload. Since we talked about this a bit at our bloggy get-together yesterday, I especially loved this post. It even includes ideas on how to cut back on the addiction! Sarah’s honesty and humor always make her posts a good read. It’s no different with this one, since she admits she has “serious internet issues.” I’m pretty sure most bloggers do! Enjoy, people. And you’re welcome… Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. […]

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They Have Hair and Teeth!

October 18, 2008

Meeting bloggy friends in real life is cool. And kind of strange. But not strange in a bad way. Just a surreal kind of strange. I suppose it’s the same territory as meeting up with any kind of acquaintances that you don’t know that well. At first it’s a bit surreal and then you warm up. Or I do anyway. I probably warm up too much and then ramble on and on. I know that’s shocking. That I would ramble on and on…. So yeah, what I’m saying is, I met six fantastic bloggers this morning. People who were formerly kind of distant, a figure behind lovely words on the computer screen. (Not that I didn’t realize that they would have hair and teeth and stuff. Or that I would be able to actually HEAR their voices and SEE their smiles. I knew I would, but usually when I “talk” to them, I’m […]

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(Melanie J, that is. If not for her amazing winning abilities, I could not have written this post. So Miss J, if this post wins me some kind of millionaire-making ‘post of the year’ award (cause that could totally happen, even though it’s not that good) I promise I’ll split the cash with you.) Yesterday the boys and I set off on an adventure. On foot. Well, on MY feet. The boys were in the stroller. I knew it was going to be a long haul, walking to the post office. I didn’t really know how long though, or I maybe would have driven. But we were off to mail the Sara Groves Christmas CD to giveaway winner, Melanie J. And I was excited! Being excited always makes me experience lapses in judgment. (I know, I know. Wasn’t that giveaway a long time ago? Yes. But both winners are patient. And I am….slow.) […]

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You Say it Best

October 16, 2008

I’m so far from perfect, I even smell. Sometimes. Not constantly. But a lot of the time. When I forgo showering for more important things like parenting or blogging. Why am I saying this? Oh. Well. You know that little project where I listed things I’m doing well as a mother? I get a yucky feeling in my stomach when I read it. Because it sounds too good to be true. Because the fact is, I don’t do those fancy things well all the time. Or even most of the time. I’m not superhuman. I fail at my good list a whole lot of the time. But I don’t want to focus on the failing anymore. I want to see myself failing and not make a big deal out of it. I have a history of ruminating on the negative and I’m simply realizing that doesn’t help me improve. It just makes me […]

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And in other news…

October 15, 2008

No, I’m not going to talk about the economy or the upcoming election. I leave those things for the “real” news. I’m actually referring to bloggy news. There are a few very important matters I’ve had tabled. So picture me now, next to Charlie Gibson at the news desk, my make-up (what’s that?) caked on thick and the horrible lighting blaring into my eyes. How do I look? I don’t know why they have bricks behind their news desk, but let’s just roll with it. This is what I will do when Charlie says something funny. And then I would get fired for having such an unsightly large mouth. Anyway, back to the important stuff. I won a giveaway! It was hard work too-I had to leave a comment! Well, okay. I’ve actually won TWO giveaways, but I’m going to wait to mention the second prize until I have it in my hot […]

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Shake it off

October 14, 2008

I was shaking my jeans out before putting them on. Snap! Snap! Miles said, “Why are you doing that Mommy?” “I don’t really know, sweetie. It’s just something I do before putting my pants on I guess.” He stared at me blankly. I thought about this for a little while and then it hit me. How many things am I doing that just really don’t make sense? You know, the things you do that are simply because you do them? Not for any other reason. It’s not like shaking my jeans is really going to take the wrinkles out. I would need to iron for that. But every day, I stand and flap those jeans violently in front of me, as if I’m accomplishing something. And in this same way, most days I walk around with an edge of anxiety about me, snapping at the silliest of things. Someone spills water and doesn’t […]

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It was a crazy-busy whirlwind weekend for the EO family. You see, my Dad turned 60! So we had a visit from Nanny and Bapa. We went places and did things. I only made a complete fool of myself once (that I can remember). I’ll get to that in a moment. First, I must say Happy Birthday, Dad!I love you like crazy, even if I did make that joke. You know, the one where I said I needed to practice feeding you, now that you’re 60. That was uncalled for. Please forgive me.But try to remember that I must have gotten my sense of humor somewhere…Look how young this man is! He can’t be 60! (say that in the comments, he’ll like it.) Miles got to ride with Nanny on this way cool carousel.Watching made me want to puke. Am I 60?___________________Then we were off to Cousin O’s 4th Birthday party.Or no, wait.We […]

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Sunday Suck Ups

October 12, 2008

It’s time for me to tell you about some posts I’ve read recently that rocked the blogging party. Here are two (or three) good reads for your bloggy pleasure: Kimberly of Temporary?Insanity wrote a number of great posts this week (as usual), but one particularly struck me. Give it a read (if you haven’t already of course). It was a good reminder for me, as I have a tendency to ramble on either in my nervous chatter, or to talk and talk and talk until I think I’ve been understood. Her post was a reminder that sometimes it’s more beneficial to me (and to others) to simply be the listener. And since I’m talking about Kimberly, I just remembered that she wrote another post over on Ms. Adventures that I have to share too. Why in the world not? It was good! It’s titled Hungover. If that isn’t an attention grabber coming from […]

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I am Mommy. Hear Me…List!

October 12, 2008

My last post asked you to do a little Mom Project. I’ve just finished my “things I’m doing well as a mother” list below, and found that it wasn’t all that easy. I don’t know, it just doesn’t come naturally to praise oneself. But it does feel good in the end and it’s probably healthy, right? If you haven’t made your own list, I encourage you to take the time. It’s therapeutic! Here it goes: I truly respect my boys as the unique little people that they are. I think of them this way rather than simply as children. It helps me to understand their behavior and (hopefully) makes me more patient with them. I try to keep myself educated on developmental stages so I can better understand my kids and therefore (hopefully) be less frustrated with (sometimes) crazy behaviors. I’m a ton of fun (when I want to be). We make up […]

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Being the U in Mutherhood

October 11, 2008

She poked her head out of the closet, taking a break from putting away clothes. She looked her grown daughter in the eye and said, “That’s not just exclusive to motherhood. It’s what women do their entire lives. They try to find balance.” Her daughter was silenced by this response. She had always thought that the reason she felt so frazzled was because her current life called for it. Trying to keep her kids on a schedule amidst piles of laundry and never-ending dirty dishes, dealing with tantrums and bed-wetting, weening and sleep deprivation. Wasn’t all of that the real reason she couldn’t find time for herself, or for that matter, time to be truly present with her children? She sat on the floor, folding yet another towel and felt her shoulders slump a little. Her mind raced as she tried to consider this idea. What her mother had just said made her […]

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Tattle Tale

October 10, 2008

Dear Daddy,Remember those boxers you wanted Mommy to return while you were out of town for work? You know. The ones you bought last week? Remember? You had accidentally grabbed the wrong package? Well um…I think the package may be a bit ripped. And maybe possibly, um…gone. OOPS, I accidentally did that. I don’t know if Target will take them now. Guess what, Daddy? Mom wasn’t watching me. She was on the computer. Again. Also, I don’t know that Mommy can be trusted at all as a single parent while you’re out of town, working hard for the money. Asher eats tin foil. He doesn’t like it. Come home soon,Miles P.S. Guess what else, Daddy? You know how mommy thinks it’s really smart to hang the bag of dirty diapers outside over the fence so they don’t stink up the house? Yeah, well the dog got the bag off the fence and she […]

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From the mouth of Miles

October 9, 2008

We’re driving in the car and I look in the rear-view mirror at a strangely silent Miles. I strike up a conversation because I find I can no longer handle silence in the car, it’s so unfamiliar. Weird. I tell Miles that his Grandpa’s birthday is coming up this weekend, and ask what he thinks we should give him. He says, “a small dinosaur toy and a grown-up movie about police.” “Uuum, okay…those are good ideas.” A minute or two passes and then he says, “Mom, why is it your Dad’s birthday?” “Well, it just is. He’s my Dad, you’re right. I didn’t know you had that figured out?” “I do.”———- Just after waking from a nap, he says in a very sleepy low voice, running all the words together, “After Asher wakes up I can put on my pants and we can go to the park and I can get my wiggles […]

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Yesterday I asked moms two questions. I’m excited about some themes I saw in the answers. There is a common thread that I think is truly interesting. I’ll get to that hopefully in the next couple of days, but let’s start with a bit of a lead-in, shall we? A lead-in to what I’m discovering, and an explanation for my cheesy blog title…——-A friend and I went for a walk one evening over ten years ago. We were roommates at the time, spending our days sleeping in, waiting tables, and hanging out with friends late into every night. We were walking down the sidewalk near our apartment, past house after house, all lined up with their fences. My friend stopped suddenly. Her face expressed her fears as she looked over the fences. She said she didn’t know if she could ever do it. She spoke of feeling a bit panicked when picturing herself […]

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If you’re here from 5 Minutes for Parenting, Welcome! Please feel free to answer the two questions in this post in the comments. I’m looking for as much input as possible and I really would appreciate your time! Thank you. I’m about to ask two questions I’ve asked before. (I know, so boring.) But I thought it might be possible that there are more people out there to ask than when I first posted these questions about six months ago. And my inquiring mind not only wants to know, but also needs to know. For a little project I’m doing with a friend. So answer away! (If you want to.) If you happen to be a mom, please pour your heart out over these two nosey questions. (Unless you already answered them six months ago, of course.) Oh, and feel free to email me instead of leaving a comment, if you’d like. (fullcircle_doula@yahoo.com) […]

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A Moment with Asher

October 6, 2008

I pick him up from his crib and he says “Hi,” dragging this one beautiful word out with a tender tinge of baby-talk sweetness. He puts those chubby little arms around my shoulders and he squeezes. We breathe each other in. Then he lets go, tilting his head back to look at me, as if he’s checking to see if I’m the same. His Mama. And I answer “Hi, sweet baby, how are you?” He chuckles a deep, throaty little chuckle, and smiles into my eyes. I feel as if my heart might burst with love. Surely it could. But instead, he rears back and BAM, head-butts me square in the nose. I nearly drop him as the pain screams through my face, racing under my eyes and ringing in my ears. I set him down on the floor and check for blood. I’m shocked! There’s no blood. But oh holy cats, it […]

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I’m changing the Sunday Suck Up idea just a little. I decided I’d link to two great POSTS every Sunday, rather than to two great blogs. What’s the difference you ask? I don’t really know exactly. But whatever. (Those of you who don’t know, before September I was highlighting a certain two blogs every Sunday. Now that I’m done taking a month off to host Soap Opera Sunday, I wanted to get back to sucking up.) Maybe I can explain a little better. I could link you to two great blogs, but there are two reasons I’m going to link to two great posts instead. 1. It overwhelms people to think they’re about to discover yet another blog to read when they’re already on the computer most of their lives trying to catch up. So this way, there’s no pressure. You just read one GREAT post and decide for yourself if you’re coming […]

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Once upon a time, the EO family set out to pick a winner for the EO Birthday give-away!Miles had the honor of choosing two names from the bowl.a)because he can’t read, so there would be no peeking.b) because as you can see, he took it very seriously. The first name he pulled from the bowlwas for the Sara Groves Christmas album.And the winner is…MELANIE J The second name he pulled from the bowlwas for the winner’s choice of either Sweetland or Spitfire Grill. And the winner is…ELLEN Asher was asked how he feltabout giving stuff away and he did this: That pretty much sums up how I feel about it too! Congratulations ladies! I have the ability to contact both of (with my super powers of email) so I will! Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather

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