Anger Everywhere

October 22, 2008

I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately. Okay, not a “bit” of a funk, but a full-blown funk.

I’m struggling with moods that aren’t pretty. I’ve been allowing the negative thoughts that pop up throughout the day to win out.

One of the emotions that I so easily fall back on is anger. It’s triggered easily for me. Sadness and confusion, they turn to anger. Fatigue and frustration, they turn to anger. I’m quick to snap at my kids and if my husband were here I’d snap at him too.

The irony of my feeling this way right now is that two posts of mine about anger are on two different sites today.

God certainly has an excellent sense of humor. And impeccable perfect timing.

One of these posts is all about allowing anger and then doing something healthy with it. I cannot tell you how much I needed to be reminded of that today. Anger is okay. Snapping at my boys is not. I will find a way today to release my negative feelings, without hurting another soul. This post, called The Color Red is over at the Bloggers Annex today. If you haven’t been there, please check it out. It’s a great place to discover some really good posts and bloggers. Anyone can join and submit their posts for consideration.

The other post is a recent one called Shake it Off. That one was posted today on Mama Manifesto. I talked in this post about falling back on the habit of anger. (Oh, the irony.) I said in this post that I do anger without even thinking. It rears it’s head and I go with it. I want to learn a new way, a more peaceful way. But I’ve been forgetting in the midst of parenting alone with Ryan out of town, toddler tantrums every three minutes and the loud cries coming from Asher every time I leave the room. My response? Anger. Yelling. Impatience. Ugliness.

I’ve been talking about being more positive and going a little easier on myself lately here at the EO. I will keep trying. I will remember that I’m still a good mother. Sometimes I forget how to do that because it just doesn’t come all that naturally to me. But if you check out any of the links in this post, have it be this one by Jess over at One Wild and Precious Life. In the midst of my frustration and anger yesterday, it was exactly what I needed. Like I said, God is good with timing. And He loves me. He even lets me know how much right here on the internet. If you are a praying person, you will absolutely love her post.

Here’s to starting over. Again. Today. Thank God I’m not in this alone and that He thought up grace and mercy. He still believes that I am good. So I will too, because I think He’s pretty smart.

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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

Erin October 22, 2008 at 10:17 am

I’m wondering if something is in the air, because I’m in a funk too. But my funk is insecurity and self-esteem issues. I have something in draft about it, but haven’t decided whether to post or not because I’m feeling insecure about posting about it. Oh, the irony!

I completely understand. And kudos to you for admitting it, and working on it!

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Abra October 22, 2008 at 10:28 am

So funny, something definitely is in the air, Kim wrote about anger yesterday.

I liked your post on the Annex, I never really thought about letting them express their anger, which is silly really, because I try to encourage my kids to cry if they’re upset, why not let them be angry? I think I never thought of this because then Kai would forever be angry and I, selfishly, don’t want to deal with that.
I’m going to try harder too, to let my kids express all their emotions, not just the ones I think are appropriate.
Thanks Heather :)

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LisAway October 22, 2008 at 10:28 am

I love how famous you are. Terrific!

It’s so easy to get into feeling like you’re a bad person because you keep not stopping yourself from snapping. Like over and over!!

I love your closing paragraph.

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Jillene October 22, 2008 at 10:42 am

I too am quick to get angry. I have NO patience and I have a temper. I also tend to take it out on the one’s closest to–my kids and my hubby. BLAH!!

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Kristina P. October 22, 2008 at 10:45 am

I teach an anger management class to teenagers, and we obviously talk about anger. But, we talk about how anger is usually a secondary emotion that comes after feeling frustrated, or worried, or embarrassed, or tired. This is very true for me.

And feeling angry isn’t wrong! No feeling is wrong. However, your actions can have dire consequences.

We talk about healthy ways to let anger out, llike punching a pillow rather than a person. Releasing anger is extremely important in order to be healthy.

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Brooke October 22, 2008 at 10:55 am

I absolutely understand. There really must be something in the air. I decided that it is the winter blues starting just a little too early, and what do I do when I’m depressed? Yell. Thanks for being so honest.

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Kimberly October 22, 2008 at 10:57 am

I hope putting it into words helps as much as it’s helping me. I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately. Still, it used to be fairly constant for me, back in the bad ole days. Now it catches me by surprise and knocks me out for a day or two. Better that than to be constantly seeing red, I guess. So much to learn in this life. Really hope I don’t get hit by a bus any time soon.

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Peanut October 22, 2008 at 11:03 am

I’ve been struggling with this a lot too lately… snapping too quickly when I get frustrated. And that’s what seems to stick in my head rather than all the things I do right!
Thanks for the link to Jess’ site. I am going to start trying to do that.

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Lara October 22, 2008 at 11:03 am

Anger and frustration are my biggest weaknesses. I have found that when I eat healthier and take care of myself I am so much more calm. It’s just hard to remember!

I try to teach my kids to tell me, “I’m frustrated” or whatever they’re feeling. My oldest is very good at it, I need to be better at it myself.

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Sara@ Butterville October 22, 2008 at 11:41 am

I’m pretty sure I’m going to be ticked the rest of the afternoon. Breaking hearts isn’t fun. Stupid weather! Stupid preschool! Stupid me for spending a half hour on my hair today to look decent for other mommy’s that decided to brave stupid weather and go on the field trip. ARGH!
I think I’ll go to funky town with ya! (Talk about talk about talk about moving…)

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a Tonggu Momma October 22, 2008 at 12:01 pm

“The Color Red” was beautiful. And we have that scene in the temple when Jesus overturned the tables to remind us of the purpose in righteous anger.

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togetherforgood October 22, 2008 at 12:30 pm

God’s timing is incredible. And it’s always especially fun when he uses our own words to teach us.

I am always amazed at how many times I seem to need to learn the same thing. And I get mad at my kids for not getting it the first time!

I’m pretty thankful that the Lord isn’t up there shaking his finger and saying “How many times do I have to tell you . . . “

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Adventures In Babywearing October 22, 2008 at 12:44 pm

I veer toward anger, too, especially if I’m extra tired. Which can be often…

Steph

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Melanie J October 22, 2008 at 12:57 pm

This made me weep, as I try to drown out my toddler’s whines.

You’re right.

God is good.

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That Girl in Brazil October 22, 2008 at 1:06 pm

Dude, did you see my post today?

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Kim October 22, 2008 at 1:48 pm

As I listen to my children yelling at eachother, or my 4 year old yelling at random strangers, I just can’t figure out where they get it from.
Oh wait, yeah I can. I totally could have written this post. Anger is my “go-to” emotion. Something I work on daily.
I think there is something in the air. Maybe it’s the fact that our kids are all getting cabin fever now that the weather is getting cooler and they can’t be outside as much…I don’t know. But, I really appreciated your post today.

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Becky October 22, 2008 at 2:32 pm

Sigh. I yelled at my kid yesterday. Loudly enough that he screamed back and started crying for his dad. Not my finest moment.

I wish anger would leave me alone for a while.

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Kim October 22, 2008 at 3:06 pm

Thanks for this today Heather. As our family is adjusting to a new schedule, both my husband and I have found our fuses shortened, often at the expense of our 4 year old, who is just busy being 4.

The other day I knew I had been short with him and apologized for behaving that way towards him. His reply? “That’s okay Momma, I still love you.” Sigh. Thank God for that.

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Ron October 22, 2008 at 3:22 pm

I think we all deal with issues of anger. One of my students last year was stuck in the middle of his parents seperation. He talked to me about being angry at nothing. I explained misplaced aggresion to him. He was angry about what was going on at home but felt powerless, so his anger manifested in other places.

I spent a lot of the final years of my first marriage angry. My Ex and I are great friends now. I even invited her and hubby to my families Christmas Dinner. However, a girl I was dating after my divorce was very jealous of my good relationship with my ex. She didnt even like me going to pick up my kids without her being there. Whenever things werent just right with ex, she tried to antagonize the situation. she tried to make me angry about it.
I explained to her once, I was angry for a long time. I am way ahead on the anger time. I do not want to be angry. Besides, if I do get angry, who will I take it out on? My ex ? I only see her a few minutes a week. My kids? no, I spend too little time with them (then) to waste it angry. If I am angry, I would be taking it out on her.

Mind you, I still get angry. Most of the time i am irritated or annoyed, not really angry. Like most, I have said the wrong thing at the wrong time (as if there is a right time to say the wrong thing.)

On my desk back (facing me) is a post-it that says, “What am I creating with my words? Am I speaking Grace? Am I speaking encouragement? Am I speaking hope? (stole it from a blog I read.)

The key is repair. Never close the door to apologizing. Accept responsibility for my actions. Move forward.

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*MARY* October 22, 2008 at 3:22 pm

It doesn’t take much to get me angry. My poor family has learned this the hard way, especially my poor husband. I am trying to work on it though, and I’m going to go check out these links.

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Kate Coveny Hood October 22, 2008 at 3:44 pm

I enjoyed your Bloggers Annex post very much! I’ll have to add your site to my reader.

From now on when my toddlers are writhing on the ground in frustration with the world at large – I’ll just remind myself that it’s an exercise in expression. And then I’ll probably give them the cookie they’re demanding. Because their self expression gives me a headache.

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Steph @ Diapers and Divinity October 22, 2008 at 3:50 pm

I have no hidden motives to recommend this book: It’s called “Mommy Mantras: Affirmations and Insights to Keep You From Losing Your Mind.” I found it after I went to Borders one day and asked the help desk for a book for moms with anger management issues. “Not the blow up in rage kind of anger management,” I tried to explain so he wouldn’t feel like he needed to call social services, “but something to keep me from feeling angry all day long.” Anyway, we found this book as we browsed and I was immediately drawn to it because it had a couple chapters totally dedicated to mommy anger. It was humorous, incredibly empathetic and enlightening. I’m thinking of using my copy for a giveaway sometime. Anyway, you might enjoy it. And as a side note, I’ve been reading scriptures and praying better lately and that seems to have made a huge difference for me.

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Lisa~Crazy Adventures in Parenting October 22, 2008 at 4:48 pm

I am with you. I feel like I’m being zapped, all my positiveness, when I should be celebrating and basking in the joy of my newborn and bigger family. Instead I’m overtired, cranky, snapping, and angry.

Thank you for such a thought inspiring post. I’m off to read the other links you posted here.

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Carrie Thompson October 22, 2008 at 5:13 pm

Patience…author unknown

Give me patience when little hands,
Tug at me with small demands,
Give me gentle words and smiling eyes
And keep my lips from sharp replies,
So in years to come when my house is still
Beautiful memories it’s rooms may fill.

I am with you. It was a wonderful posts and full of wonderful links!

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pam at beyondjustmom October 22, 2008 at 6:17 pm

Oh, does this speak to me! I definitely have spurts where everything manifests in anger–frustration, impatience, nervousness, etc. I’ve learned that depression can also manifest in anger. It was a great help to me to realize my “funk” was actually a bout with depression. Not what I expected, but when I got help, it made a huge difference.
Blessings to you–I really enjoy your site!

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Jessica October 23, 2008 at 1:39 pm

anger? YES! I wondered this week if Halloween developed around this time of year for some reason that seems to affect our moods . . . pull of the moon or something? I am dealing with anger right now a lot. Just this morning – EVERY morning it seems I am praying God crucify this Let me walk in Your Spirit, give me grace here . . . anger is something that can affect everything, and steal the joy from every moment. I HATE it when I find myself reacting to my kids out of anger that has nothing to do with them.

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