June 2009

Warming Up

June 30, 2009

Tuesday~June 30, 2009 He was so excited to go, but when it came right down to being left on that field with all the other little gloved T-ballers, he just wasn’t so sure. So he was the one, the one that battled his nerves and fought back tears. The one who didn’t follow when asked to run. The one playing in the sand to avoid the unknown. I wanted to hover, to push, to control the situation. I wanted to take his nerves and add them to mine, leaving him peaceful and confident. But I couldn’t, so I just waited, and watched from afar, hoping… He stood at the back, silent, small nervous movements, chewing nails and hiding under that visor. Kicking at the dirt and peeking out the side. So unsure. So new. So hard. They asked him to warm up with running and with stretching. He stood frozen in his fear, […]


Monday~June 29th, 2009 This has to be one of my favorite picture stories ever. It begs for a witty title, but I just can’t think of one…. Oh, how I love this Asher guy! At first he just couldn’t get the water gun to spray… So he tried harder (opening his mouth wide whilemoving his tongue around really helped)… He then mastered the spray! A little too well… The End. Can you give me a title for this picture story?Give me your idea in the comments! (Or, if you aren’t feeling creative, just go ahead and leave any old comment.) Either way, since this picture story is about water, I thought it was only right that your comment should count as an entry to win one of these: What is that, Heather? Why, it’s a metal water bottle fromCrocodile Creek, of course! In the summer, Miles and Asher and I don’t go anywhere […]


I’ll always want…

June 28, 2009

Sunday~June 28th, 2009 It doesn’t matter how many years go by, I’ll always want the same things for you…. I mean, we’ve only just now on this very day arrived at year four, but I’ll always want to be sure you’re getting enough sleep, enough to eat, and enough happiness. I look at you and I know that I’ll always want those things, and these… peace, strength, faith, and health. All of the very same things I wanted on the day that you were born. Yes. I’ll always long to care for you, even when you don’t need me so much, as you grow up and grow stronger. You are a Superhero unto yourself, totally unaware of any weakness or doubt. You are imagination and freedom. You are undaunted. Spiderman cake by Nanny How do I keep a healthy dose of those beliefs alive in you?Because it’s true, that strength of a Superhero […]


On wanting and birthdays

June 26, 2009

Friday~June 26, 2009 He turns 14 4 this weekend. Although it appears that he was pulling some sort of GQ pose, the real story is that my dear Miles was in superhero mode. As you can see, an intense stare is required for that.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Really, how is it that time can move so slowly and so quickly all at once? And how is it that a mother can handle all of her opposite clashing feelings? I’m so over-joyed and thankful to have this boy in my life, and at the same time I want to weep with sadness over the passing of time. I want to hold him right now and keep him this way, but I’m also dying of anticipation, loving to watch every moment that comes next. It’s exhausting really. By the way, I want another Miles. Yes, I’ll take two any day. Or Asher, another Asher would rock. Or maybe […]


Summer Lovin’

June 25, 2009

Thursday~June 25, 2009 We went to The Splash Pad the other day with friends.My boys were in heaven, and so was I.It’s just the perfect summer place. See? Shallow water. Check. Huge water guns. Check. Water. Water. Everywhere. Even Up. Check. (notice anything about Miles’ swim trunks? Just checking.) Big bright water-spewing turtle. Check. Yes, quite The Perfect Summer Place. We got a little lost on the way there, thanks to Sean Connery. (He’s the voice of our GPS…he says, “You have reached your des.tin.a.tion…shaken, not stirred.” Except it wasn’t our destination, it was the one he made up, so I was mad at him. I just never would have guessed that I’d be mad at Sean Connery.) Anyway…The other night, a friend let me know there’s another Splash Pad really close to our house. I think I could even find it without getting lost. I’m so excited to frequent the place all […]


Washing the beds

June 24, 2009

Wednesday~June 24, 2009 “And this is grace. An invitation to be beautiful.” ~Sara Groves I started stripping the beds this morning, contemplating seeing the whole bed washing process through from beginning to end. I got to the part where I piled the blankets and sheets on the floor after pulling them from the bed. Then I flopped down on my back, smack in the middle of the bed and stared up at the ceiling fan, thinking on all the piles in my head, the way they overwhelm me like housework sometimes. Regrets, lists, ideas and feelings. There I was, just me and the fan and the mattress and my thoughts like piles. Until someone small and lanky threw himself over the edge of the bed and THWACK! his knee interrupted my thoughts as it met my cheekbone. Miles said, “What are you doing, Mommy?” “Nothing, Sweetie.” THWACK! There Asher came, not to be […]


Tuesday~June 23, 2009 Well, hello masked man with the eyes on the back of your head. What is your mission? Wait! Come back here, I must reveal your identity!Ugh, you’re nothing but a blur at that speed!!! Ah HA! I find you here of course, playing with the fan! I ask you again!!! Who are you??? How is it that you can see through cloth? (GASP) SHOCKING!!! The truth is revealed! It is you, Ash Man! One of my very favorite Super Heroes! CHEESE! Now stay away from the fan, young man!(Especially when you can’t see what it is you’re doing.) Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather


I carry you

June 21, 2009

Sunday~ June 21st, 2009 I look down and my hand is doing that thing.It’s resting on my lap in a curve.Resting. Dad, your hand was just this same way. I saw it.I’ve seen it a lot. It was sitting there looking exactly like this. Just like Grandpa. Your Dad. The same. Curved.The lanky fingers that grow thicker with time.They curve on the lap and rest. It’s like the unconscious way I run my finger across my lip like Glenn when I’m nervous. Or how I grab the bottom of my shirt and rub my thumb across the fabric, like Helen. It’s the way I care like Elsie and understand like Colleen. It’s the way I laugh like Sandi and cry like Kay. Today I’m thankful that I carry you, all of you. My family. Today, mostly I’m thankful for you.The man with the curved and rested hand and skin like leatherturned brown from […]


Saturday~June 20, 2009 We go to the little park in our neighborhood nearly every day. Normally there’s hardly anyone there because we live smack dab between two large cities, but a college and a golf course seclude us. So yesterday when the park was bombarded with a group of water gun wielding boys with sweaty faces all red from the heat, we were a bit surprised. Bang! Bang! Bang! I gotcha! I’m gonna kill ya! POW! We sat and watched for a few minutes as the boys carried on with their pretend war. After a few minutes I got to witness one of the distinct differences between my two boys. They each handled their park being overtaken by a band of violent water gun carrying hoodlums very differently. Miles lurked. I mean, if he were reading blogs, he’d go undetected. He’d undermine any site meter. Anyway, he ducked under slides and positioned himself […]


Stellan’s pull

June 18, 2009

So many of you know Stellan. If you do, you’ve probably heard that he’s not doing very well tonight. The last time he was in the hospital, I had the chance to sit and talk with his MckMama while Stellan slept in his tiny hospital bed. (MckMama and I went to the same college, and then blog-met. In person, I instantly felt at ease and comfortable. A friendship like an old shoe.) Then a couple of weeks ago, I got to hang out with Stellan again, at his home. This time, I held him while his MckMama threw together a snack for her kids and mine. I somehow detached his little heart monitor and sort of panicked. But she didn’t, she simply fixed it, all ease and fluid motion. Later, she and Prince Charming (her husband) fed the MSC (Many Small Children-they have four:four years old and under-no, no twins) and gave them […]


Thursday~June 18, 2009I mean, if He did have that talk with me, either He’d tell me how smart I am…OR, He might just remind me that it’s not that good to manipulate my children through prayer. You see, it’s quite possible that I ramble on and on during bedtime (and nap time) prayers with the kids, thanking God for a whole lot of things regarding sleep and how wonderful it is. And maybe I do this to the extent that I mention the super powers that rest can bring. I also just might thank God that Henry and Wes and Olivia and Max and…are all snug in their beds, fast asleep. You see, Miles has been known to fight sleep (big time), especially naps, as he gets closer to the age of “rest” time rather than nap time. And this prayer technique is really helping him actually sleep rather than just dumping every […]


Give me a C!

June 16, 2009

Tuesday~ June 16, 2009The letter ‘C’ doesn’t really work on my laptop. Yeah. It took me a really long time to type that because I had to get that unworking letter xfxxxdxd….to work. See? It’s not working again. Sorry…bear with me, the key has popped off the keyboard and we an’t get it back on… Ryan and I are trying to put it bak on the keyboard. It’s not working…. …… ccccc… Oh look! CCCC… It’s working! He fixed it! (My husband can do anything.) (Except fly…he can’t fly.) The C key met it’s demise at the hands of my children. They had a whole lot of fun with the computer a couple of times when I made the mistake of leaving it unattended. There’s also white gooey stuff on the floor in my bedroom, a strange smell floating out of Miles’ closet, and a million small dark stains on the living room […]


Monday~June 15, 2009 Good Mother. Bad Mother. It’s a discussion that’s sweeping television and the internet. A Good Mother is one who is always positive about her mothering role and does a really great and patient job at all times. A Bad Mother is one that actually has many faults and makes innumerable mistakes, even in just one day. (According to these new labels anyway.) For example, not too long ago, some young suburban mothers sat on Oprah and said that they were tired of pretending to be perfect moms, and started telling the “real truth,” talking about how hard and ugly motherhood can be, and how unhappy they are much of the time. Yes, they were “Bad Mothers.” It was treated as if these women were telling some very shocking secrets. (I’m pretty sure the show itself was titled The Secret Lives of Mothers, or something like that.) In reading articles and […]



June 14, 2009

Sunday~June 14, 2009 I had the pleasure of helping my sister out at the restaurant she runs this weekend. The place is more than charming and the food is really good too. As I bussed tables and washed dishes, I was transported back to the years when I ran my butt off (literally) as a server. I loved working in restaurants, there’s just something about the camaraderie of a restaurant family you can’t find anywhere else. Maybe it has something to do with how hard you work, and how much you need to help each other to make things run smoothly. When I got back yesterday, Ryan and I made dinner together at our very own private restaurant. Cafe of the EO, if you will… We have outdoor seating here… All Most foods are prepared fresh daily… The customers are always almost always satisfied… We have really hard working bussers… They have a […]


Thursday~June 11, 2009 I’m sitting in a coffee shop by myself. That’s always good. I’m a bit bogged down, but light at the same time. Ryan and I have finally made the decision to put our house on the market. That means lots and lots of work, getting ready to sell and then packing up and moving if someone happens to buy our humble abode. (My insides just did flip flops, just so you know.) I’m feeling lighter at the same time because we’ve finally started moving forward with something we’ve been terribly indecisive about. Sometimes moving along in the unknown feels much better than not moving at all. We’re looking to move back to the area I grew up in, and we’re excited about this adventure. I’ve become a city girl only to an extent, and we love it here in so many ways, but we want to be near my family, […]


Wednesday~June 10, 2009He humbles me. He challenges me. He inspires me.He is bright and alive and imaginative and kind.He is sensitive, empathetic and intuitive.He has a great sense of humor.He is artistic. He is lovely. He is mine. He came along and gave me the chance to call myself Mother.He forgives me. He accepts me.He brings out the best in me.He brings out the worst in me.Then he gives me time to change the worst.He is unconditional. He is wise. He is love. What a curious little mysterious reflection of God.With all my heart I hope to be like him one day. Miles, I love you…even when I’ve no strength to show it. Thank you for being you. Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather


Tuesday~June 9, 2009 As the mother of a lovely little guy with hydrocephalus, I’m quickly learning that it’s hard to explain exactly how Asher’s brain shunt works without visual aids. People do ask a lot of questions, and I don’t mind that a bit. I’d especially love to help parents who are embarking on this “adventure” understand how it all works. It’s much easier to deal with something when it’s concrete in your mind and you know (mostly) what to expect. People are often confused about what part of the contraption is actually doing the work, where the tubing goes, and whether or not all of these parts are on the inside or the outside of the body. So first of all, for the most part, you can’t see a thing… Of course not, Heather, he’s all covered up (and the cutest thing I’ve ever seen). Oh, okay then. Even when he’s NOT […]


Monday~June 8, 2009 I think this might be a meme, I’m not sure. I just wanted to do it. I thought to myself, “I wish all the blogs I read could get more recognition, they’re good stuff.” And then I thought, “I wonder if people who know me and only read my blog know that there are other blogs out there that they might totally love?” And then I thought about Chipotle and got distracted, dreaming about guacamole. And then it was nap time and I had a moment to share this with you. SO BEHOLD! A meme-like list. A list meme. A blog recognition meme. A linky love meme….Whatever. Let’s just do this: A blogger who makes me think (and I love it): Jennifer at Conversion Diary A blogger who makes me laugh (A LOT): Amy Lawson of The Lawsons Did Dallas A blogger who has been known to make me cry […]


Sunday~June 7, 2009 Before Ryan and I got married, I was told it would be nearly impossible for me to get pregnant. Obviously that doctor swallowed her words when not even a month after the marriage certificate was signed, I was pregnant. We were really glad she was wrong. So we hooked a parenting car to our marriage engine, and started the best kind of train ride. One filled with mystery and beautiful surprises, never knowing exactly where we were going. Yesterday we boarded an actual-non-metaphorical-real-life train, and witnessed a wedding while the train creaked along the tracks. After the bride was kissed and the applause filled the car, we hugged the happy couple and I joked that it was time for us to leave. Of course that was entirely impossible, unless we were going to jump from the moving train, into the woods, and then walk a few miles to our car. […]


7 Quick Takes

June 5, 2009

Friday~June 5, 2009 1. I’ve been thinking about politics a lot lately, or how people handle their opinions about politics anyway. It’s not that this is entirely new, but I guess I’ve been a bit more focused on it than usual. I’ve even been tempted to do a post about what I’m thinking, which I never ever thought I would do. Lately there’s so much bumping around my head and heart on this topic, but…I don’t know. 2. Ryan and I are leaving, heading off to our dear friend Shannon’s wedding in Wisconsin tomorrow through Sunday. We are not bringing the small people. They’ll stay at home with Nanny and Bapa, and then Uncle K and his girl, D will take over. Yesterday, I said something to Uncle K about getting up at around 6 a.m. with Asher, and he just stared at me with a bit of a glazed over shocked kind […]


Wednesday~June 3, 2009 I come from a long line of reactors. (No offense, Mom, it’s just plain true.) We have a tendency to panic in response to pretty much anything. Or at least have a bit of an extreme reaction. Like if someone says, “Oh, I forgot the camera,” we’ll say, “OH MY GOOOSH!” (Gasp, shake head, humph) (My poor husband.) I’ve gotten a bit better about this over the years, if I do say so myself. But it’s especially hard for me to remain cool and calm under pressure. And since a mother is pretty much always under pressure, this is something I struggle with. I heard something recently that I immediately wrote in big letters and stuck to the fridge. It goes like this: DON’T REACT, RESPOND. Um, yeah Heather. That’s kind of obvious isn’t it? Well, for me, NO. I’m someone who needs to mull over what words mean for […]


On the road again

June 1, 2009

*If you’re new here and don’t know much about our youngest son, Asher, this post may be a little confusing. If you’d like, you could catch up a bit by clicking on The Noggin under Labels in the sidebar. There are plenty of Noggin posts there, and I’m sure they’d love to fill you in. Yes, they’d love it, because obviously, my posts have feelings. ~~~~~~~~~~ Yesterday, at my parent’s cabin, Asher woke up at 5:00 a.m. I didn’t want to wake up the rest of the house with screeches and screams, so I put Asher in the van and we went for a drive, not really knowing where we were going. We saw the sun rise, some sheep, some cows, and long stretches of road. It was a beautiful start to the day, even if I wasn’t at all happy to roll out of bed before the sun. We drove to town […]


Monday~June 1, 2009 We had a really good time on our trip, see? (That’s me, having a really good time.) Anyway, moving on…. What? You’re confused? Let me explain… I said I wanted to do a puzzle on our short little vacation. AND I said I wanted the puzzle to have a lot of faces on it. I came across this puzzle (while out searching for facey puzzles), and my wish was granted… Yeah, lots and lots of faces. (I was possibly entirely too excited about this.) I would like to say here (for the record) that my sister Shelly and I did this puzzle almost entirely on our own. My Dad can pretend that he had a really big hand in it and all that, but he did not. He simply held a puzzle piece in his hand as I was about to finish the whole ginormous thing, and then plopped that […]