Monday~September 28, 2009
Miles watched me pick up a book and set it in the library bin and he said, “That’s not a library book, Mom.” So I pointed out the bar code on the top right corner and the library sticker on the back of the book. He accepted defeat in the argument and moved on.
Then, because I’m totally random and like to spice things up, I told him that he has a bar code on his forehead and a sticker on his bum. I said, “I guess I’ll have to return you to the library soon. It was nice of them to let me borrow you, but now another mom needs a turn.”
He rolled his eyes and smirked, but I immediately felt bad for my little joke. I could see the questions in his eyes as he mulled over this concept.
So I scooped him up and kissed his face off while exclaiming that I was only kidding, that he’s MY boy and I’d never give him up. He giggled and ate up a string of about fifteen compliments.
I meant every word, and knew right then those words were begging to be said. I needed to hear myself saying them, and Miles needed to hear them too. Lately it’s much easier for me to correct him all day long, rather than to remember to give him some praise. He’s four and he acts like he’s four so the response to him is often negative, an attempt at stopping one thing or another. I’m usually swooping in to tell him to control his body or speak kindly or SLOW DOWN.
I have to remember that his growing up is a whole lot of hard work for both of us, not just for me. I mean, many of the figurative books I’ve authored as a mother are ones I’d really rather return to the library…
Mrs. Impatience
Easy to Anger
Martyr 101
Madame Grumps-a-lot
She Nags, She Sighs
One day my personal library will be looking a whole lot better. I’ll have my boys to thank for that. They stretch me and they teach me how to love more fully, even convincing me to find more of that love for myself. They’re my little editors of the heart, and they are very good at their work.
{ 44 comments }
Thanks Heather. I had Martyr 101 checked out this weekend. Thank goodness it's been returned.
Thanks for the awesome reminder.
I was thinking about this sort of thing this weekend. My boys teach me so much, I am a better person for them. I sometimes spend too much time focusing on the negative…thanks for the reminder, I need it often.
editors of the heart… okay that is perfect.
I've run up some large overdue fines on all of those.
It's sad, but true: many of my "talks" with the kids resemble less of a kind and understanding father and more of Mussolini from a balcony. I needed this reminder today. Thanks, Heather.
Heh….but isn't that what babysitting is? Only, we're the library owner, not the customer. The kids are ours…but occasionally we send their stamped little bums to go hang out with someone else for a while so we can reorganize the shelves, recatalogue ourselves and prepare to welcome them back again!
So great. I find myself backpedaling occasionally with a comment that I think should have been silly, innocent, whatever – and see in my kids' eyes that it was … not. Thank Heaven for that delete key, those hugs and kisses and children's quick forgiveness.
So, so true. My youngest turned twelve this weekend and I realized how little time I have left to leave my indelible mark on my childrens hearts. Thanks for reminding me I need to take some books back, so to speak!
Good points… I get caught up in how hard it is to be a mom (and of triplet toddlers!), but it can't be easy being little either. I have checked out some of those books as well:)
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"growing up is a whole lot of hard work for both of us, not just for me"
How often I need to remember this.
This is such a sweet post, Heather. I love it. It's truly one of my favorites.
Love this. I just passed Evie on the stairs and reminded her to comb her hair. I didn't wish her good night or thank her for picking her underwear up from the bathroom floor. I just saw that her hair was wet and drying and told her to comb it before it got too tangly. Then I realized that about 90% of what I say to my children is reminding them of what they're supposed to be doing. So reading your post RIGHT after having that thought was very good for me. Thanks.
And I love the concept of them being our editors. Really, that's just about as important as us editing them. I need to remember that.
we all have those books, don't we? i was thinking about this very topic. with a constant 'to-do' list running through my head, i have to make a conscience effort to say things other than ramblings from my to-do list. so. hard. sometimes.
Great post!!! Love your writing style!
Yeah, Ms. Impatient checking in. The hag She Nags, She Sighs has been around too often lately, too; thanks for the reminder that it IS hard work for the little ones to grow up; it doesn't have to be so hard for me, too, because it is my job to help him, NOT hinder him.
Heather, this makes me smile. I wrote something that shared this sentiment in my last post, and your post today reminded me (as I sit here sighing loudly as my three boys drive me slightly crazy) what I promised myself I'd work on.
Thank goodness for 5 minute internet breaks to steer me back where I want to be headed. ;)
So true. I sometimes can't get rid of Mrs. Nag-a-lot. I don't like her. Thanks for the reminder to look for the positive.
PS I have been reading your blog…just not posting comments. Thanks for checking in with me too!
I too have a problem passing out compliments to my kids, I am too hurried to move on to the next task to stop and tell them what a good job they have done.
You are a wonderful mom
I have a couple of books that I need to return, too. I think I am done with "I'm Busy right Now"!
Thanks for the reminder!
They always seem so full of joy and excitement, it's sometimes difficult to think that they would have insecurities underneath. And even worse, to think we might be the cause of those insecurities. I must have co-authored, or at least wrote the intro, for "She Nags, She Sighs". It's my motto and I need to STOP it. Kisses, here I come!
Excellent points. My overdue fines for She Nags, She Sighs are sky high. It's about time I returned it and moved on, ya think?
I'm guilty of every single title you listed also! Especially the nagging one, and the easily angered… ugh! I'd like to have Patience 101 in my library right now.
I am often in the same boat with Hayden. I spend most of the day correcting him and telling him what not to do and sometimes when he wants a hug, I push him away b/c I am busy. I need to stop. Thank you for the reminder.
It is a challenge to remember to speak words that affirm, and sometimes just converse, rather than always training.
Oh the training.
Wait a second, I have authored books with those same titles and probably some of the same content too.
I remember that urge to correct. It takes a bit of training to not do that, doesn't it?
Sometimes I can almost see myself in an out-of-body sort of way nagging. I really try to stop when it gets like that, and usually I can… this makes me want to be strong enough to do it EVERy time.
Yes, so true! Little editors. Refining, honing our story. They make it so much better.
LOL, I am also familiar with those titles…unfortunately…
And with a big fat red pen they help us correct the things we need to. Nice post!
I loved this. I loved the mental image of you picking up Miles and showering him with kisses and compliments. :) I needed to hear it…
Hey, I wrote 'Martyr 101' in the 70's. That was as a teenager; 201 came out when I became a mother. I'm just saying…:)
The trick is finding that love for yourself; that love that everyone feels towards you. It's so hard for us women and Moms. Then everything else should fall into place. You won't feel the need to write those other books. When you write that book it will be a bestseller. I will buy that book.
This is coming across all negative; I sincerely don't mean it to be. This is a wonderful post. AS ALWAYS!
I don't have time to read previous comments. (sorry if this has been said)
but your library is ALREADY full of other, much more applicable and uplifting books.
like
Selflessness: It can be learned
Nurturing All around you
I know you prolly don't need to be told this, but since I have to tell Nat this all the time, I figured I'd include you in it too :-)
I think I've seen a few of those books in my library. Nice library references.
You are cute!
what I love about your blog, is that I can come here and now that I will be leaving with food for thought. And not just any food for thought…something that usually makes me make a change for the better.
I am going to be more positive with my children. Thanks for this.
Personally, I am long overdue for returning "Excusitis: Mommy Style."
"Martyr 101" my husband has memorized. I really need to show him "Thou Shalt Have Patience. And Like It."
Either that, or the military-based book "Suck It Up, Soldier. You're a Parent. Don't Be a Douche"
All kidding aside, I love you. I love this post. That is all ;)
I'm trying to do the same with Ben, my 5 yr old. I feel like he doesn't get enough POSITIVE. So lately I've been trying to compliment or tell him something positive 3 times a day. I admit, it's hard some days but we are doing better and it's so worth the extra effort on my part to see him smile back at me when I do.
I love your "book titles!" ;-)
My son is not old enough to understand compliments or even know that he gets them, but I am constantly reminding myself to praise him anyway. I know it will only get harder and while I never will not love him, I may forget to tell him as much. Thank you for making me feel like that is totally normal.
Here from SITS – have a great Wednesday!
I actually have my own copies of those books…. Martyr 101 was out in the open just the other day.
It's nice when we're reminded of our actions. It just took me a little bit of time to realize what I was saying and to shift gears. I would hate for my daughter to ever think I resent spending money on her. (Now, if I could just buy those shoes I was looking at…!)
Heather, I love this! And what a fantastic reminder to me that not only is Anja's growing hard for me, but for her. She's learning just as much as I am, and I need to give her grace in that process. Thanks!
Heather, I love this! And what a fantastic reminder to me that not only is Anja's growing hard for me, but for her. She's learning just as much as I am, and I need to give her grace in that process. Thanks!
beautiful. I love the book analogy. I need to get those titles off my shelf as well.
…you tore a page right out of my diary. Deep breaths and lots of time on my back porch with my Bible seem to be the only remedy to my very short fuse. And sometimes, I feel like I'm not catching on as fast as I should and time is rapidly slipping away. I love the light, eloquent way you spoke those sentiments!
words of affirmation – SO NEEDED!!
good for you that you saw the need to feed his tank. there are many times that i know i should say something positive and i choose not to. what is that?? (well, i know what it is, it's fear of being vulnerable)
okay, thanks for the therapy session. hope you have a great weekend!!
Love those book titles. You are brilliant and honest. Love the combo…
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