October 2009

Sunday~November 1st, 2009 They put on costumes, the kind that made them feel powerfuland brave enough to knock on the doors of strangers,even strangers with masks and painted faces… (well, okay. Sorta brave.) They hurried from one house to the next,less concerned with the fear factorand more concerned with the treat factor… (Superman, all covered in his coat) They went to a Halloween party, the kind that makes you feel like you bobbed for an appleand got the biggest one… with the best toys and the best view… and good friends…(Liam, my friend Susan’s sweet boy) Halloween is so much fun… Thank you, Susan. You brought the MAGICALto Halloween this year. (That’s Susan as Princess Leia AND as the Bumble Bee, pictured above.Yeah, she rocks the Halloween party. You can visit her at Warm Chocolate Milk.) Happy Halloween! (late) Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading […]



October 29, 2009

Thursday~October 29, 2009We looked at six houses yesterday and we’ll see five more tomorrow. In and out of the car, shoes off and then back on, opening drawers and closets in other people’s homes. We’re here in the place where I grew up, storing up knowledge on any house of interest, keeping track, discussing floor plans while the wheels turn on the car and in our heads between stops. Here we are in this place that’s not our home, looking at homes to make our home, away from our current home while staying in my childhood home. Speaking of home, I watched a re-run of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition in my Dad’s recliner last night. I thought about what it must be like to have this magnificent house built for you, how you’d be so overcome with emotion at the beauty of the new, and then the cameras would leave and you’d go […]


Sunday in Kyoto

October 27, 2009

Tuesday~October 27th, 2009 Do you need some help finding children’s music that won’t drive you crazy? As many of you may remember, I needed that help too. Thankfully I was given many great suggestions in my comment box, and even some in my actual mailbox, like this one: The acclaimed publishing company The Secret Mountain has done it again with Sunday in Kyoto. This gorgeously illustrated hardcover book and accompanying CD give a truly beautiful multicultural experience. Canadian singer-songriter Gilles Vigneault delivers with impressive and meaningful lyrics, and illustrator Stephane Jorisch, who has created sets for Le Cirque du Soleil, absolutely blew me away with the illustrations for this book. This book/CD combo is deserving of all the attention from School Library Journal, AOL kids, Zooglobble, Kiwi Magazine and many more. It is the kind of art I like having around the house (or in the car minivan). Yes, I just called it […]



October 27, 2009

Tuesday~October 27, 2009It’s reaching in the pocketof a coat from last yearand making that discovery,the familiar soft paper feel of money That heart flutter momentI wonder if…and then pulling it out to find a buck rather than a twenty. It’s saying it’s good either way Not stomping or poutingno I deserve bettersor I deserve mores No where is my very best life?! But instead,it’s putting that just one dollar back in,sliding your hand to the safety of your pocketclosing your fingers over the treasure,holding tight for safe keepingsoft and familiargood It’s believing in the enoughof all the beautiful things in your life,things you already haveand then it’s still hoping life cangrowmultiplyloaves and fishdreams come truethere instead of heregrass greenerchange But mostly, it’s the belief held in the deepest placesthat even if the hopes are dashedno growingno movingno healingno changeno reconciliationno dream come true…the enough is still enoughand good,just that one soft and familiar […]



October 25, 2009

Sunday ~ October 25, 2009Asher and I were on our way to pick up Miles from preschool. It was raining but not snowing or too cold and yet a car started spinning in circles across the freeway in front of us. It seemed to be floating across all the lanes while the driver tried to regain control and slow down. You know how when something like that happens, about a million things go through your head, from how you’re going to somehow not hit the circling car, to what you’re going to do to make sure you hit them on your side and not your child’s side, to oh dear we’re going to die and I was not nice at all to Ryan this morning? Yeah, I was doing that, because it was really close. Thankfully, we missed each other by a few feet, and then…silence. Perfect silence. It was the kind of […]


Free writing with Miles

October 23, 2009

Friday~October 23, 2009 Below you will find a piece of writing penned by myself and my inspiring four year old, Miles. We took turns. I asked him to start the story and when he would pause, I would pick up from where he left off. Then he would pause and I would take a turn. Then he just ran with it all on his own, rattling off the story almost faster than I could type. So I give you… Spider Went Into Someone’s Hand(title by Miles)(Kristen, aren’t you glad I didn’t say ear?) (Miles begins the story)“There was a spider and everybody came and the spider went out. And then the mom came in and then the kid came in.”(Then it was my turn…you get the idea.)“The spider’s name was Frank. He was hairy. He was black. He ran away when everybody came in because he was afraid of their feet stepping on […]


Motherhood – Part Two

October 22, 2009

  I don’t know how to how to be a mother, really. I don’t have all the right words to tell them I don’t know how to teach them hardly ever words and orders my rules obey! repeating and explaining Or even more how I live how I speak they will know and do and be because of what I’m doing, not what I’m saying. Tall order living out what you say is right and good so they will act like you because they will act like you. I’m so often saying one thing and acting quite another thing out. That’s the pressure in motherhood for me, the thing I worry over getting right. Not when they potty train junk food paci TV co-sleep ECFE Maybe those things matter, but only for a time and then they don’t. When I say I want to allow myself to fall into motherhood, I’m not talking […]



October 21, 2009

Wednesday~October 21, 2009 Motherhood For me, it looks just like this… Just one thrilling load of laundry and bag of garbage at a time! Or not. Motherhood For me,it looks like this, “GOOD JOB, HONEY!” (high-pitched and syrupy sweet)Or not.(he may look terrified, but he’s just really really excited) Motherhood…Maybe it looks more like this… MessyBattlesPushPullMadKissesLaughterSacrificeThankfulIn loveWorryConnectionTeachingGuiltPrayerGivingPeaceJoyFearMeThemUsAlways However it looks,losing my cool or not,looking my best or never,feeling down or up,messy house,the good, the bad, the ugly,the beautiful, the mundane, the milestones,the grind, and all the clashing emotions… Good. ~~~This post is a part of Wordful Wednesdays at Seven Clown Circus.You will find more wordful posts on motherhood by clicking the button below. If you’re a mom, and you sometimes feel likeyou just don’t measure up,you can read a letter I wrote to youby clicking here. Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly […]


We’ll see how this goes

October 20, 2009

Tuesday~October 20th, 2009 It was about this time last year that we found out Asher would need a brain shunt for hydrocephalus. I’ll never forget that phone call, when at the beginning, I couldn’t process the severity of his condition, what the nurse was saying, and I thought it meant a mother’s worst fear could be happening to our family. But it wasn’t. It was hard and scary, and of course watching him go through brain surgery at the age of one was no walk in the park for any of us, but it wasn’t my worst fear, and I’m thankful for that every day. Now Asher is Mister Good-To-Go, waking in the morning and taking inventory on his household, “Bruddow go?” “Your brother isn’t up yet, honey.” “Tia go?” “The dog is on her bed.” “Oh.” “Daaaddyyyy!!!” He runs at him and throws himself in for a hug. He’s pure unsolicited joy, […]


Sunday~October 18, 2009Tell me the story of the day I was born, he says. So I tell him every detail I can pull from the dusty corners of my cluttered mind and heart. I love remembering that day. It is our story and I tell it, glad for the asking. He is in awe, transfixed by the words of his own beginninghe sits quiet and stillmore still than seems possible for himHis favorite part is the most dramaticthe way we held our breathto wait for his first breathand then we cried with himand held him and kissed himrelieved I finish with a bang and hold him tight, and then I think about how important it is for a person to have their stories toldheardfeltunderstoodwrittencapturedvoicedrecognizedremembered I see how his eyes light up with anticipation for the most exciting parts of his story. I see the smile pull at the corners of his mouth when […]



October 16, 2009

Friday~October 16th, 2006 I continue to miss things about every place I’ve lived. Not the cities or towns so much as the walls that surrounded me through stages of life. I’ve moved many times, and I’ve always felt a bit sad leading up to the final day. I get attached to places. Even though my apartments and shared houses were many, I can remember standing in the doorway of each and every one, looking over the empty spaces on those last days and whispering my goodbyes with a lump in my throat. So when we put our house on the market yesterday, suddenly all the excitement faded, reality hit, and I started to grieve the spaces. My neighbors. The tree in the front yard that was planted right after Miles was born in his honor. Even the dilapidated shed out back suddenly seemed beautiful to me. We’ve been cleaning up and packing up […]


Twitter will kill you

October 15, 2009

Thursday ~ October 15, 2009 So, we’ve been really busy over here, right? And now that old saying “haste makes waste” keeps going through my head because I was hastily doing all sorts of things, and then I broke myself. Haste makes waste. Of my foot. So now I hobble while I try to get things done. That’s the riveting update from here. What you will find below are a couple of things that make me cry-laugh. I hope they make you laugh too… If you haven’t seen this, watch it before the other video. Please.(You’ll understand why later) OK, now watch this one. Hilarity, I tell ya.(Especially if you love Twitteror love making fun of Twitteraholics, including yourself) P.S. I was not tweeting when I broke a bone.(But I will admit that I did immediately tweet that I broke myself.) Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and […]



October 12, 2009

Monday~October 12th, 2009 We woke up to snow this morning. A thick with heavy snow that covers the trees and has turned everything still and quiet. A soft blanket of white like out of a painting. It’s beautiful, but the early arrival of it makes no sense to my pumpkin and trick-or-treating mind. It just keeps coming down, all day long it’s been falling and acting like Christmas. The leaves on the hard-working branches need more time to deepen their colors, but they’re hidden and drooping, tired. They’re being pulled to their weakest place. When the wind picks up, they’ll let go with a relieved sigh and then fall, they’ll land gracefully despite the mystery of where they’ll come to a stop. The other day, I prayed. I wanted to know just the right answer, what is the very best thing to do that won’t mean we’re falling and landing in exactly the […]


Frown Line

October 9, 2009

Friday~October 9th, 2009 My kids are growing up so much faster than I am. I realized this once again because Ryan and I have been making Big Adult Decisions lately. BigAdultDecisions Ha! Get it? B.A.D… Anyway, so much of the time, I simply can’t believe I’m in the role of making grown-up decisions. Like it’s all an elaborate trick, or maybe I’ve been hallucinating. I quite like being a grown-up in many ways, and I’m really glad that our children are not hallucinations, but still…I have a tendency to get overwhelmed by the B.A.D. part of being an adult. Look. Even Miles notices my stress level… (please note the frown line between my eyes) (and the candy corn nose, I like that part.) There’s a lot on our little family’s plate right now (and no, I’m not pregnant), so I’m going to have to take my B.A.D. self to task and do these […]


Choosing Cardio Incline

October 8, 2009

Thursday~October 8, 2009 Since winter is looming, we decided to get a family membership at a local community center. I’ll admit that my favorite part about the place is that it has child care. This means I can go get some exercise all on my own, a break of sorts. To be honest, I usually don’t even work out, but this whole child care thing makes it terribly appealing. Now if only I could figure out the machines. Let me be honest again. I get really nervous walking into the big workout center. There are tricky machines everywhere, TVs surrounding the big room with all different shows on them, and usually a whole lot of people, walking or running or riding their immobile bikes. It’s overwhelming. The other day, I walked in and quickly scanned the scene. All of the treadmills that I know how to work were in use, but of course […]


Hey look, a chicken!

October 7, 2009

Wednesday~October 7, 2009 Yesterday, when I asked you all to share your favorite blog posts (of your very own) with me, (which you can still do here) a few of you asked me to share mine. And then I stalled. (Sorry ’bout it.) But you see, I knew that katdish was going to be sharing one of my favorites over on Hey look, a chicken! today, so I wanted to wait. If you’re still curious, you can head on over there for my favorite post. It comes to mind when thinking of a favorite simply because it literally wrote itself through the people around me. I had never had that experience before, putting words together without ruminating over how to do it, and then I loved the way it turned out. It taught me a lot about how good writing can be when you take the second-guessing out of it. I have to […]

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Tuesday~ October 6, 2009I’ve been blogging for two years as of last Sunday. So today, when I realized the two year mark had come and gone, I went to look at my first post. It was a post that simply announced that I was new to blogging, that I’d been inspired to start a blog by my friend Kelly, and that I had no clue what I was doing. It was riveting. There were two comments. I remember being completely confused by the first comment: “It is customary in the “Blogging-Post-Commenter” community for a commenter to declare a sort of ownership of newly scripted blog posts by racing to place the first comment to said post. (Think explorer erecting flag on North Pole, Moon, etc…) Typically, this braggadocio is rendered through a rather obnoxious, utterly avoidant of topic, singularly worded comment containing only the utterance: “FIRST!!!!!!!!!!” Since you are sponging up info on […]


Sunday~October 4, 2009All this time, you’ve been hearing about Asher’s noggin. Ever since we found out about that whole hydrocephalus thing it’s as if his only appearance here on the blog is all about water on the brain and shunts and all that. Poor guy. There’s more to him than hydrocephalus, of course. He’s doing so well. SO well. I mean, like, I-will-scream-at-you-every-time-you-tell-me-I-can’t-have-what-I-want-to-have kind of well, know what I mean? And if he doesn’t agree with his brother…uh huh, that deserves a punch or a scratch or a bite. He’s got The Feisty, that Asher. He’s got it. (I should seriously post video of it, he’s terrifying.) And it is SO hard to be mad at him. No, not because of his noggin, but because he’s Asher. He will completely fold his face into a frown and hunch his shoulders and then screeeeech his demands like some kind of crazed vulture. And that’s […]


Saturday~October 3rd, 2009 This weekend I’m joining in with Elizabeth Esther for The Saturday Evening Blog Post. This is a chance for bloggers to link up with their favorite post from the previous month. You can head on over there to see what post I chose to share, check out some other great reads, or to share your own. (Go for it, I know you have something to share.) Happy weekend! (comments are closed on this post) Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather


What I thought I wanted

October 2, 2009

Friday~October 2, 2009I’m over at Moms Without Blogs today. Lee runs that joint, and let me tell you, she’s one lovely person, that Lee. She was even patient with me saying that I was going to write a post about blogging and then changing my mind at the last second and giving her a favorite from my archives instead. She’s become a friend to me, one that listens to me ramble in emails and over the phone, laughs with me, and encourages me to follow this writing dream of mine. (If you’re here from MWOB, thank you for taking the time to come by. If you’d like to read some of my more presentable posts, they’re up there at the top, just a click away under Hits.) Here’s my teaser, you know, the one that will surely send you over to Moms Without Blogs to finish reading…I’m starting to think there can be […]