October 2010

Hello acorn belly, it’s nice to have you back.Seriously, friends. I’m only five weeks pregnant. In an effort to be honest, I will now tell you that I even cropped off part of my “backside” in an effort to shrink the entirety of…me. 5 weeks! It’s pretty crazy, what a body remembers to do. I really like it. ~~~~~ This post is dedicated to Kristen Howerton because she often says “remember that one time” before saying something that just happened, and it always makes me laugh. Just like her blog, Rage Against the Minivan, often makes me laugh. And this post is also dedicated to her because she has lived a very very long road to motherhood, in so many ways, and thinking about that helps me keep the perspective that I want to have. (Yes, I’m pretty sure you can dedicate posts to people…like the post is a book or movie or […]

{ 3 comments }

grace packaging

October 30, 2010

I’m sharing some thoughts on chameleon grace over on the highway blog today. (The post is over there because that blog’s focus is on faith and religion and thinking out loud about God stuff. Just.so.you.know.) Here’s a little ditty for your sampling. You know, so you can see if you want to go read it:The foundation of my beliefs at their core are definitely Christian, and for that I’m not the least bit ashamed. It’s just that I continue to try to reconcile those beliefs with how things are in the Evangelical Christian world of today and I can never do it. So often, not much of it makes sense to me. So often, Christians create their own version of something good by adding or subtracting, to align their religion with their opinions. I’ve never been good at swallowing that, and I’ve even been known to rant on and on and on about […]

{ 1 comment }

{you can read the first part of Jen’s story here} Jen is not breast cancer. Cancer does not have Jen. Jen has cancer. When the words are strung together in just that order, it reminds me of the truth of Jen’s life because cancer is not beating her, no matter what. I’m not only referring to Jen’s vitality, to the fact that she’s still here after so much, but I’m also referring to the way she seems to make the choice to laugh in the face of what cancer can do to a person emotionally and spiritually and mentally on top of all of the physical pain. Of course there are hard days and Jen is honest about those days of depression, days that feel so dismal, days when she asks the question, is this really our life? Those are the days when she says her husband Luke helps her bounce back, the […]

{ 1 comment }

an acorn update

October 25, 2010

My hCG level went up. It went up. This is hopeful and good and now I’ve hit that feeling you get when you come down from a three day adrenaline rush and all you want to do is sleep for three days. But I’m going to go grocery shopping with my two toot knockers instead because I’m hungry. This is our Acorn… The Acorn doesn’t really have a stem like that, I just drew that in for kicks….but you knew that… Our little seed is smaller than an actual acorn at this point, but in the right place and on his/her own time clock. (I would like he or she to hurry up and get that little heart going so we can have our hopes confirmed, but for that, we’ll have to wait a couple more weeks.) (oooof daaaah) For now, we’re simply choosing to believe that everything is okay. That whole increased […]

{ 2 comments }

the acorn

October 24, 2010

I’m sitting in the space between knowing and not knowing. I don’t know what else to do besides pray and wait and write it out. I don’t know why I generally feel the need to write it all out publicly. I really don’t. I’ve given up being all that concerned about why I do because when I check myself, I don’t feel needy or dramatic or any of the other forms of the self-seeking I’m fighting. When something is going on in my head and heart, I have a terribly hard time not talking about it. I don’t have that ability to hold back and hold close like many people do. I can’t see through my thoughts and feelings to small talk or fodder. I just can’t. Maybe I trust too easily or fear too little or maybe I fear too much so I just want to let the words out in a […]

{ 0 comments }

They rowed their boats… They walked through the tall grass… They…um…became crocodiles. (Apparently Asher thought that meant downward dog.) and…I can’t remember. Ride a bike? (or something)I met the lovely Karen from Playful Planet last weekend and she was kind enough to give me a Storyland Yoga DVD for Miles and Asher. They tried it out with their lovely friend, Miss M yesterday and they loved it. And I love that they’re getting exercise while engaging in story. Perfect Minnesota winter activity, no? I just wanted to tell you that.(Inevitable Disclaimer: I did receive the Storyland Yoga DVD free of charge, but I was not paid to write this post.) Speaking of yoga, I have a question about Montessori….(okay, yes…I realize that was not a segway at all, but anyway…) Are any of you Montessori experts? I ask because there isn’t one in our small city and I think it would be a […]

{ 0 comments }

I like to just say it like it is. So here’s the dealio. Word on the social media street is that the Creative Alliance event was thought to be some kind of elitist thing. There was an impression that there were secret invitations sent out and that everything about it was exclusive and somehow fancy. That’s okay. Those are the misconceptions that happen all the time with this kind of thing or that kind of thing or all things. In reality, this event was more of an experiment than anything else and therefore it was casual and profoundly simple in the best kind of organic-focus-on-what-matters kind of way. As a member of the team that was involved in making it happen (I take only a very very small bit of credit for that), I can admit that none of us really knew anything except that we trust Lee and her vision and her […]

{ 2 comments }

7 days since my last post. Now that’s a record. I am far too wordy for this kind of blog break. I spent Thursday through Sunday of last week in Ojai California for the Creative Alliance event. I’m so rarely speechless, but friends, this experience has left me speechless indeed. Therefore, I’m working on a creative way to share the memories with few words. Which is to say that I’m working on a bit of a project. Which is to say I’m doing something I don’t really have time to do. Which is to say that nothing much has changed about me. Except a lot of things. Yes. Dare I say that this past weekend was life-changing? Because it wasn’t just helpful and informative about all things social media, it was inspiring and encouraging, centering and affirming. It was about personal strengths and goals and believing. It was about life and soul sister […]

{ 0 comments }

You’re welcome. I’m totally not as freaking hilarious and adorable as these two toot knockers, but if you’d still like to meet me and hang out and stuff, I’m giving away a ticket to the I_Blog Conference in Iowa this November 5-7! I’ll be there, waxing philosophical on all things blogging as a speaker, and then at night I will be happily tucked in my bed at the beautiful Hotel Pattee, where the conference is being held. It’s truly an honor to be a part of this enriching and well-planned event full of great informative sessions and opportunities to get your chat on with fellow bloggers. To enter for the free conference pass: Leave a comment on this post. (If you have trouble with my comment thingy, please email me at heatheroftheeo(at)gmail(dot)com with your entries. I apologize if you have to do this, but sometimes that thingy is wonky and I just don’t […]

{ 0 comments }

mystery

October 10, 2010

Dr. P. has enormous hands. When we met him about two years ago and knew he would be doing Asher’s brain shunt surgery, Ryan joked, How is he going to manage surgery on such a small head with those sausage fingers? I watched those same hands I’ve come to know (and maybe even love) as they circled Asher’s head at his check-up on Thursday. He knows what he’s doing. He knows what he’s looking for. He runs his pointer finger and thumb along the valve (shunt) on the right side of The Noggin and he pushes a little to feel for something I don’t understand. I was right next to this big man and my boy and I was vacantly watching because the fear I have as Asher’s mom always rears its feisty head in the children’s hospital. I float through it all while we’re there, holding more tightly to that small hand […]

{ 2 comments }

it’s just true.

October 7, 2010

It feels too flowery to say he’s my sunbeam.But he just is, this boy. He was very very sad and scared a couple of nights ago.I took he and his brudder to the firehouseand there were so many peoplein crowds waiting to check out the enginesand lines for the bounce house,some people sitting and some standingand in just a flashhe was gone. We looked up and aroundand back and forthand I felt the panic. The longest minutes went bywhere I thought the thoughtsthat kill a mom’s insidesand thenthere he was.His face was crumpledand his tearswere so bigand he thought I left him. I ran for himas he held a stranger’s handand it seemed like a really reallylong timesince I’d seen him last. And it felt too flowery too say it to himbut I said those things you say right then,I’d never ever leave youI love you so muchI don’t know what I’d do […]

{ 0 comments }

but only with help

October 5, 2010

I love October. You should see how it waddles when he walks. It’s the absolute most hilarious and adorable thing you’ve ever seen. And he wiggles it on purpose and calls it his chubby butt. October brings that feeling with it, you know? Like things are about to get hard before they get better. Like you’re dressing up for something you don’t want to wait for and you don’t want to recognize that it might be cold and tiring when you try to live it out. And it’s exciting and depressing at the same time and it leaves me in the throes of fighting the funk and I am. I was a stay at home mom who blogged as a hobby before. And now I’ve somehow become a writer and I feel like I’m embarking on winter, a season to hibernate and rest but there’s no time for that. A book proposal won’t […]

{ 0 comments }

3

October 3, 2010

On this day 3 years ago, I published my first blog post. October 3, 2007. It was a simple post sharing pictures from a day at an orchard. This space had an entirely different name then, and I had very little idea what the blog world was all about. I certainly had no idea what this blogging gig would end up meaning to me. I had no idea it would be this meeting place, this connection to people I’ve come to know and love, people who have supported me with or without telling me they’re reading, through so much. Three years ago, I had no idea, about so many things. In these last few years, our family has walked through Asher’s diagnosis and surgery, moving, my addiction and decision to get sober, and all the changes that every new year brings for any family. I’ve shared so much of our journey in this […]

{ 0 comments }

She rolled over, reaching across her chest to turn off the bedside lamp when she felt it. The lump. The mass. She was 25 years old and having an ultrasound and a biopsy and someone was saying “you have breast cancer.” She describes those moments with an animated “what in the world?!” and she says then she was numb, protecting herself from thoughts of her fate. Jen embodies a contagious joy, truly. A wife and mother, a daughter and sister and friend. Oh, the throngs of friends she has! She is all the things women are and she has been fighting cancer for 8 years. Today marks the anniversary of her first day of treatment. There’s always been something extra special about her, this Jennifer. Even before all of this, this thing that tears her up and somehow changes her perspective in ways that make her grateful and even more positive than she […]

{ 0 comments }