So there I was on the TV. That was surreal. It was all a blur and then it was done and I whispered, I hope it helps. I didn’t know if it would…I’m just me, it’s just a few moments in time, but I hoped.
Even if it was just one person, sitting on the other side of the screen, ready to see themselves in my story and feel less alone, I wanted something new for them. I wanted the mom or dad out there who feels stuck and alone to know that I was living it too and I didn’t believe in living in any kind of new way and today, I’m okay. I mean, I’ll always be a work in progress and this is in no way easy, but I’m okay, I’m better than okay. I am somehow living something new.
I wanted that person to know that they can do this, too. I just simply, as trite as it sounds, wanted people to see hope.
In Trish’s words later on her blog:
“Immediately after the story aired last night we held a live chat for viewers with the clinical director of the women’s residential program at the world famous Hazelden Treatment Center. We were swamped with people looking for help and more information.”
When Trish was talking about this, I was in a I-was-just-lost-and-am-super-late haze, so I hardly comprehended what she was saying.
I cried. I cried because I love owls and I cried because it made no sense for it to be right there at that moment, away from a forest, ending up in a place so far from home, so lovely and so gone. I cried because for a few moments I thought it was some crazy omen, one that was telling me that speaking publicly of my very personal story was wrong. (Yes, my mind is generally all over the place.)
And then I cried harder because my life is so weird, you know. Never would I have thought that I would try to help someone else not drink. Never. I thought I would always drink, wanted to always drink. I wouldn’t have been able to dream up this exchange I had with Trish, that I would be standing there hearing that my story helped someone make a phone call that could change their life. Never.
People called that night because the thing is, there is always something underneath it all, and that is redemption.
In case you missed it and would like to see it, you can watch the morning show interview here:
(and yes, I LOVE that my face is frozen in this particular expression)
And lastly, to those of you who have written to me, telling me your truths, thank you. Thank you for letting me know my story made a difference in your life. I want to tell you about some places you might like to look around:
I wish you peace and I believe you can find it.