sort of. kind of. almost. partially

May 30, 2011

I’m in that stage of pregnancy that serves as a training period for what’s to come–night after night of working out my sleep-deprivation muscles, readying for the marathon of newborn nights. They will start (oh so) soon and be followed by groggy and irritable days. The kind where I will fight off impatience and dig more deeply for the energy to say “yes, I will.” And I’ll even do a pretty good job of it.  Sometimes.

I need the Jillian Michaels of the postpartum period to prepare me with lots of shouting because I’m pretty sure I’ve forgotten how seriously hard it is to sleep so little. But I guess there’s no way to be totally ready for such things. I’m just grateful for the sort of perspective I have through my foggy memory, the lessons learned through two other children–it really will pass and it really is beautifully hard.

:::

These nights, I toss and turn, getting kicked in the ribs; up to the bathroom, back and forth and over and over through the night. Then the extra things of family life add on to that sometimes, like a vomiting dog in and out of the sliding glass door, a snoring husband being rolled to his side again and again and two energetic boys bouncing in sometime in the 6 o’clock hour. They ask for french toast. I peel back my eyelids and try not to be mad at them or at the storm that rolled through, thundering me awake at my first chance of sleep a few short hours earlier.

In 3 weeks we will add a baby sister. She may be here even earlier if that’s how it works out. These nights I’m living now will make these weeks seem long as we wait for her, but time will still fly by, I’m sure of it.

It will all work out, the fast and the slow of it, the waiting and the holding back, all that I remember and all that I can’t.

The hospital bag is partially packed. The house is generally clean. We have some of the things we’ll need for a baby. Our fears are somewhat at bay. We sort of have a plan in place. We’re pretty sure of a name.

And our hearts are fully expectant. There’s not even one partial thing about that…

 

 

Come little acorn, come. We’re almost ready for you.

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Christine @ Coffees & Commutes May 30, 2011 at 9:28 am

You certainly are, and I hope it brings all the beauty you so deserve. Can I tell you a secret, I long for a third baby, for many reasons, but mostly so I can just enjoy this one with the perspective I learned from the first two.

Thinking of you, and praying that when she decides to come, it will be a speedy and happy arrival.
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Wendi May 30, 2011 at 9:31 am

Heather,

You wrote “in three weeks…” and I literally gasped. Wow. How is it here already?? You are an amazing mama. I only wish I could make you a warm meal comprised of comfort food to deliver to your door when you are in that foggy state of sleeplessness. :)

Praying for you in this finaly stretch!

~Wendi

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Annette May 30, 2011 at 10:09 am

No words. I’m here just to click the “Like” button. Where is it by the way…..?

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Sabrina May 30, 2011 at 10:44 am

I was just saying to Tim last night that I think the last month(s) of pregnancy prepares you for the all night marathon of waking up over and over again. Even though Everett is only 3 weeks old I feel like i haven’t slept through the night in months. (sigh)
Thinking of you and acorn in these last weeks. :)
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Angie May 30, 2011 at 11:26 am

And if she comes when you aren’t “ready”, you’ll find you’ve been ready all along. :)

I’m so excited for you… adding pink to all the blue is a marvelous thing. Our Bella girl brings as much joy as our boys but in such a unique way.

Watching your blog expectantly. And praying. :)
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Kristen @ Motherese May 30, 2011 at 1:54 pm

I love all the sorta kinda adverbs in this post. They’re perfect for that liminal space between pregnancy and life with a newborn.

Hope you’re getting some rest today, mama. xo
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Ellie May 30, 2011 at 7:23 pm

Holy cow you’re having a baby.

Sometimes it just hits me like that.

A BABY.

I’m really excited for you – but of course it isn’t me getting kicked in the ribs and preparing for the sleeplessness of infant-hood. You are such an amazing mother, and this is one lucky little acorn to be joining such a beautiful family.

And that picture made me tear up a little …. man, time flies. It feels like only yesterday you took that picture…

I wish I could give you a big hug. I’m thinking of you … a LOT.

-xoxoxo

-Ellie
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Christa May 30, 2011 at 7:26 pm

And our hearts are fully expectant.

And so are ours, for you and your family. Thinking good thoughts, holding space for ease and peace around the delivery, sending love.

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Ann May 30, 2011 at 9:16 pm
Tracie May 31, 2011 at 2:45 am

I am so very excited for you.

Three weeks. Simultaneously slooooooow and fast!
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LisAway May 31, 2011 at 3:40 am

Yeah, you’re ready enough. :) And seeing that picture again makes me feel a little tearful. Love.
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Becky (Princess Mikkimoto) May 31, 2011 at 8:27 am

LOVE that picture. BRING ON THAT ACORN!
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Katherine @ Postpartum Progress May 31, 2011 at 9:25 am

I am excited alongside of you, and nervous alongside of you. Just know that I am here for you if you need me. For any reason.
- K
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Cathy May 31, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Mother nature sure does a trick on the pregnant women – offering them little chance for good sleep when they need to be stocking up on it the most. Wishing you the best of luck and ease with the new little one.
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