I’m in that stage of pregnancy that serves as a training period for what’s to come–night after night of working out my sleep-deprivation muscles, readying for the marathon of newborn nights. They will start (oh so) soon and be followed by groggy and irritable days. The kind where I will fight off impatience and dig more deeply for the energy to say “yes, I will.” And I’ll even do a pretty good job of it. Sometimes.
I need the Jillian Michaels of the postpartum period to prepare me with lots of shouting because I’m pretty sure I’ve forgotten how seriously hard it is to sleep so little. But I guess there’s no way to be totally ready for such things. I’m just grateful for the sort of perspective I have through my foggy memory, the lessons learned through two other children–it really will pass and it really is beautifully hard.
These nights, I toss and turn, getting kicked in the ribs; up to the bathroom, back and forth and over and over through the night. Then the extra things of family life add on to that sometimes, like a vomiting dog in and out of the sliding glass door, a snoring husband being rolled to his side again and again and two energetic boys bouncing in sometime in the 6 o’clock hour. They ask for french toast. I peel back my eyelids and try not to be mad at them or at the storm that rolled through, thundering me awake at my first chance of sleep a few short hours earlier.
In 3 weeks we will add a baby sister. She may be here even earlier if that’s how it works out. These nights I’m living now will make these weeks seem long as we wait for her, but time will still fly by, I’m sure of it.
It will all work out, the fast and the slow of it, the waiting and the holding back, all that I remember and all that I can’t.
The hospital bag is partially packed. The house is generally clean. We have some of the things we’ll need for a baby. Our fears are somewhat at bay. We sort of have a plan in place. We’re pretty sure of a name.
And our hearts are fully expectant. There’s not even one partial thing about that…
Come little acorn, come. We’re almost ready for you.