fall near

August 18, 2011

I hear a boom and then a rolling sound. It’s an apple, falling through the air after letting go of its branch and then hitting our boat and then rolling along the angled bottom. I turn to look and another apple falls, closer to me, hitting the ground with a deep thud.

We have two apple trees and so many apples. They’re beautiful, and they’re going to teach me how to make crisps and pies. I think.

Sometimes we’ll just peel them and cut them up and put them in a pan and caramelize them a little and then put them with ice cream. A little dash of cinnamon on top. A creation to indulge in.

You know that saying, The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree?

I think about that when I look at Elsie.



Some people say she’s starting to look more and more like me, but that’s not even what I mean. I wonder if who she is will mirror who I was or am. All I know right now is that I want to keep watching, every little thing. Mostly so I can learn all about every part of who she is and then also so I can start to see good parts of me I didn’t even know were there.

I needed that.

It is not her job to cheer me on but it is a gift of grace that she will, with her daughter-magic. The kind that teaches me how to make things new, to create and indulge, to see clearly our goodness.

She is my little apple,
bright green
and growing
and I’m watching
the changes,
the red colors of autumn
that will be here
so fast.

I am the tree
to let go
send forth,
and near.

Here, now
I’m falling
fast and hard
with a deep thud
a love
of all the new.



P.S. I’m doing a must-have baby product guide over at Mama Manifesto. I started with babywearing. Head on over there to see my favorites. Please.


Meagan @ The Happiest Mom August 18, 2011 at 10:32 am

Oh, look at that sweet baby.

You are such an amazing writer, you know that?

molly August 18, 2011 at 10:54 am

<3 She does look like you.

p.s. now I want pie.
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Sherry August 18, 2011 at 11:17 am

OH my goodness, she is so darn precious! Those eyes….ugh, melt my heart.

Galit Breen August 18, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Beautiful photos, gorgeous words.

Galit Breen recently posted..The Post That Broke My Blog

Ann August 18, 2011 at 8:16 pm

So beautiful–her and your words. I do see you in her, now that you mention it.

Kim August 18, 2011 at 10:29 pm

So beautiful…her, you, your words, your heart.

Oh ha! I wrote that, looked up and saw that I wrote almost the same thing as Ann, I promise I’m not a copy cat ;)

It is an amazing things having daughters. Watching them, seeing yourself and seeing someone completely different…I love it so so so much.
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Jamie August 18, 2011 at 10:32 pm

She is beautiful!! And I know exactly what you mean about all of it. Having my daughter changed me. For the better. I mean my son changed me first, for the better, of course. But my daughter. Oh my daughter. She changed me for the better in a different way. I’m excited for you.

Shona August 19, 2011 at 9:02 am

“I wonder if who she is will mirror who I was or am.”
Ah, you have a way of putting into words that which I feel but cannot articulate. I have a daughter who reflects my pain and hurt and wounds every day, yet I do not feel my son does. I have stood before her seeing the terror in her eyes and I’ve felt the fear clutch at my breast and squeezed until I have wanted to run but could not, paralysed now as I was then at a similar age. Two years later I look at her and feel all the anger and hatred that I felt as a 6 year old and swallow the scream of rage which grapples for release. She is a gift; the reflections her way of guiding me internally, to where next I need to focus to heal. And for this, and for many other reasons, I love her so and am truly thankful. I hope that you too are able to take what Elsie gives back to you and use it to move forward toward wholeness.

Kazzy August 20, 2011 at 9:59 am

Holy cuteness! I love the daughter-magic. She will mirror you, and you will know exactly how to be her mom.

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