August 24, 2011

I turned to look at her at dawn.The light was just right.

Out loud I said, I can’t believe you’re here.

She slept on.

No matter what, having Elsie feels like the icing on the cake, like my birthday every day.

While Miles gets ready to start school, we start the baby stage again and I think about years of sippy cups and diapers and up-at-night and I’m suddenly grateful. So grateful. I see them, our three kids, up in the unknown future and the now starts to go even faster so I try to stop doing that.

I am here in the morning light, for today, looking at her. And then I’m up and I’m wiping the crumbs from the table (again) while the pictures of now are uploading to the computer to be kept for future reference. So I’ll know for sure this really happened.

I scrub at the table like it’s a race because I’m still a kid like that. I try to see how many small things I can do while the now gets uploaded. I wipe things clean like memory but I don’t stay too long with that. I stop to pick her up and to watch my boys get taller.

I have to stop because I’m racing the clock.

Only the table is clean, and time stands still in my computer.

I win! In so many ways…




Erin August 24, 2011 at 2:07 pm

I know you know. But I just feel like it’s necessary to say that they are *beautiful*.
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Amber August 24, 2011 at 2:19 pm

This post makes me want to do it again, too.
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Heather August 24, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Uh oh. This blog should come with a disclaimer. Something like: NOT GOOD BIRTH CONTROL.


Sara T. August 24, 2011 at 2:35 pm

My baby girl is 3 and I feel like just yesterday we were spending our special “middle of the night times” together. I loved to study her little profile as she nursed, just her and I. I even miss the diapers… sometimes. Your children are beautiful and I really enjoy reading your blog.

Galit Breen August 24, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Oh soulful you- so much love for your thoughts and your words and, of course, for your photos. XO
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Paulette August 24, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Oh My! That was simply beautiful and should come with a You May Want Another Warning. ;)

Kate August 24, 2011 at 2:53 pm

And I look at my big boy, about to be a Senior in high school and I wish I’d had another opportunity to cherish those baby moments, but he was the only one I’ll ever have.

Your perspective is so lovely, even knowing that it rests among Elsie’s tummy issues and extreme sleep deprivation. I do strongly feel, when I pray for the both of you, that she will become a smiling happy baby at the blink of an eye, growing out of the reflux and into a bright light of joy for everyone. I sure hope I’m right.
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Candy August 24, 2011 at 4:03 pm

My granddaughter Harper is about Elsie’s age – when I get the pleasure of babysitting, I’m truly WINNING. It’s even better with grandkids – something more for you to look forward to! I stare at her through the baby monitor and beg for her to wake up so we can talk and read and pray. I text her sweet picture to Grandpa/Hubby and he responds “send me another one.” My heart feels like it will explode when I stare into her eyes and glimpse her dimple. So I KNOW. And I have to look back at the pictures to refresh that cleaned-out memory, because I once had 3 under 4 and (sigh) I don’t remember. Childhood became tweeners became teens became college kids became brides and grooms. But as for now, I’m winning.

Elaine August 24, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Oh MY goodness, they are all so cute together. I just love this little set-up of two boys and a girl, don’t you? :D

I was just looking back at some of K’s baby pics yesterday since she’s QUICKLY approaching TWO! ACK! Thank the good Lord for cameras!! :)
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Ann August 24, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Love that picture. Love your perspective.
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MidnightCafe August 25, 2011 at 8:59 pm

They are SO ADORABLE!! I’m glad you were able to find this perspective, if even just for a moment or two. It’s so good when things come into focus, when the stars align and you can just feel your heart swell up.
MidnightCafe recently posted..It’s like having a newborn…

Tracie August 25, 2011 at 11:05 pm

Your words…and that picture….and the thought of capturing little moments so you know that they really did happen in the years to come….all mix together to give me smiles and tears and sighs.
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melissa August 26, 2011 at 6:13 am

oh, be still my heart. what a lovely photo and post.
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Becky (Princess Mikkimoto) August 26, 2011 at 9:19 am

Those are some ridiculously cute kids. You do good work.
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Angie August 26, 2011 at 3:47 pm

There are no words. (I think I write that a lot in your comments.) This is simply breathtaking.

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