soft

October 28, 2011

I am exploding.

Not with excitement or doughnuts
but with syllables and vowels
sandwiched in consonants.

I have two ninjas at my house right now
ready for Halloween.
I’ve tried to convince them that ninjas are perfectly
quiet.

I am still meeting midnight and two and three and five
every night with a huff,
mad at the clock and my body.

And just think

to them, I say
control your body
about 97 times per day
because I have two boys
around a baby.

They wrap each other up
in black and red
ninja,
helping with masks
and tying ties around
arms and knees.

The brothers ninja.

The tallest one
with the broken collarbone
cannot stop sniffing sister-head
like he’s got his face buried in pillows.

WATCH THE SOFT SPOT.

His love for her is so intense and free and good in the midst of the battles.

Mama Mama Mama
I am beckoned and demanded and questioned
rapid-fire constant
ninja style.

I find only seconds here and there
to uncover patience or
any kind of being present at all
and that’s all those moments can hold
even if I want prayer or peace in them.

Because maybe he’ll be a lawyer one day
especially if his job is defense
and maybe this exhaustion steals
the moments like the pain and crying
seemed to steal the beauty in our
newborn days.

There is struggle

and strife

and in it
I am met with all my ends
and I see what I need and sometimes living is all prayer just in the walking through and out.

I am all soft spots and feel so unwatched but I am.

 

{ 14 comments }

nicole October 28, 2011 at 9:01 am

Sweet boys. Sweet girl. Sweet mama.
nicole recently posted..Grace

Angie October 28, 2011 at 9:03 am

This is lovely. Supremely lovely. I have a ninja in my house… and a Spiderman… and a pirate princess, so there a lots of weapons to trip over and strings to tangle in and bangles to break, but our hearts are happy. And Heaven watches and smiles, of that I am certain.
Angie recently posted..Forgetting… But Remembering

molly October 28, 2011 at 9:30 am

Oh, my dear. You are watched. And you are loved.

These times, however hard, are made to strengthen us. The string might break with the crying and the lack of sleep (believe me, I know). But it can be tied back together after your world quiets.
molly recently posted..teeth & intuition

Kristen @ Motherese October 28, 2011 at 9:46 am

Love. Times three. xoxoxo
Kristen @ Motherese recently posted..Piles

Busy Bee Suz October 28, 2011 at 9:52 am

I never had any ninjas in my house, but I did have an overactive and overly excited big sister…..and she exhausted me too. In hindsight….well, it was still exhausting but the memories of those times fade softly over time.
Have a beautiful Ninja weekend.
Busy Bee Suz recently posted..I’m a loser and so are plastic bags.

Pamela Gold October 28, 2011 at 10:26 am

Boys are rough and tough most times but as mushy as jell-o at others. I love that about them.
Pamela Gold recently posted..Pumpkin Bread

Arianne October 28, 2011 at 11:58 am

Watch the soft spot. <3
Arianne recently posted..What I Wore – Little Babies Are Little

Tracy October 28, 2011 at 1:03 pm

This took my breath away for a second. Lovely.

Jessica October 28, 2011 at 1:10 pm

We all have soft spots, don’t we? And we all need more control and LESS control of our body, to play so many different parts, back to back to back.

This post felt peaceful. Were you peaceful when you wrote it? The words don’t make one think peace, but I felt peace. Strange, maybe.

Angie, I have a pirate princess too. Too bad she’s scared of her costume?

Melissa from the Blue House October 28, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Oh man, I loved this. I SOOO miss the baby days…. those middle of the night feedings will be a distant blur all too soon!

Bridget October 28, 2011 at 8:37 pm

My 2 year old love his little sister “so intense and free and good” that I’m worried he is going to smother her in the name of love. I love how he loves her…I just wish he could do it a little less forcefully. :-)
Bridget recently posted..Favorite Phrase Friday {October 28, 2011}

designhermomma October 28, 2011 at 8:44 pm

I am actually really, really (really) scared how Gage is going to respond to the new baby. I mean, I know he will love it. But he loves (really) hard.
designhermomma recently posted..It’s a rice cooker! But it makes eggs too!

Jamie October 28, 2011 at 9:55 pm

I feel so unwatched sometimes, too. Thanks for reminding me that I’m not…
Jamie recently posted..You Are Two: A Birthday Letter For B

krista October 30, 2011 at 10:59 am

i love this.
love love love.
krista recently posted..coffee and avocados

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