Just Write ~ The 13th

Thousands of thoughts race through my head every day and I’d guess 80% or more have something to do with mothering–what I’m doing, how I’m doing it–critically thinking, judging myself, measuring and sitting certain that I’m coming up short.

A lot of those thoughts have been about Miles lately, his difficult adjustment to school and his new way of being as a result. What to do, what not to do, where I’ve gone wrong, where I’m sure to go wrong because I’m only one me and there’s just not enough time to work and work at it. I used to think I’d be able to mother a certain way, imagining all kinds of time to sit and talk and nurture and talk some more. It turns out there’s so very little time for that, at least right now.

Ryan is gone this week and my sister brought us homemade chicken noodle soup. So the boys and I, we broke bread together and we sipped at soup and Miles told me who he played with at recess and then he told me that he thinks the teachers at school have their own special bathroom. These were just small things from a six year old boy and they were everything. 

It wasn’t time and more time, to sit and nurture and talk because then we had to clean up and I fed Elsie and we got ready for bed. It was just a few minutes, while we buttered and sipped.

Later, after being in bed for over an hour, Asher called out for me. I rushed in, trying to hurry so his calling out woudn’t wake his brother in the next bed. He needs so much sleep for school. I said shhh, shhh, shhh, what is it? as I came through the door and he, half sleeping, pulled his little legs out from under the covers and asked me to rub them. I took each calf in my hands and started to massage, wondering about growing pains or maybe a charlie horse. His eyes were already closed again. Then he whispered, You don’t have to do it so squeeze-y.

Okay, sweetie. I slowed down and stayed a while longer, just enough time to help him back to sleep. I looked over at his big brother and whispered a prayer before my own sleep and finding time tomorrow.  

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This is the 13th installment of Just Write, an exercise in free writing your ordinary and extraordinary moments. {Please see the details here.}  I would love to read your freely written words so join me and link up below. You can add the url of your post at any time. Just be sure it’s a link to your Just Write post, not to your main page. There are really no rules, besides Just Write! (Then link back to this post in your post so people know where to go if they’d like to join in.) (Any links not following those two guidelines will be deleted.) 

Also. Please take a moment to visit someone else who has linked up! It’s a really good way to meet new writers and get inspired by the meaning behind their moments. Word?

Thank you!