they battle

January 13, 2012

I am a dreamer stuck in a realist’s body and sometimes I’m a realist stuck in a dreamer’s body. It just depends on the day. Either side gets really enormous and frustrates the other side. My dreamer self is lately crushed under the weight of the real life daily grind. My realist self is fine with it, content even, and then the dreamer swims to the surface and begs for adventure while she also knows that adventure is right here, every day. I mean, life is never dull.

When I hear of people on Grand Adventures, selling off everything they own and traveling with their family in an RV, or moving to Haiti to help or moving across country or adopting, taking a risk, I come alive inside. The dreamer starts banging on my chest.

Then the realist grabs the dreamer’s fists and holds them to stop and shakes her head and says things like, are you kidding me? what about the dog or going to the doctor or what if the house won’t sell? And then she wags her realistic finger and asks the dreamer why she’s not just content already, resolved to stay in one place, at peace.

The dreamer goes hush okay fine hush but she never goes away and I know why. She’s not supposed to because we’re all made with adventure and desire strung from one side of our hearts to the other and the more we stifle it the more it says okay fine hush fine hush until we forget it’s there.

I don’t want to forget. I am happiest when my dreamer is pounding fists on my chest.

And anyway, Great Adventure with Great Responsibility may be crazy but so is a mortgage or a car payment or even a fence, you know? If you really stop to think about it, which of course, I do.

The dreamer is confusing because she changes her mind a lot and lately I realize she’s doing that to keep my attention. Just let me out one way or the other, lady. And the realist shakes her head again while hardly being able to put one foot in front of the other with the up all night fatigue and the exhaustion from the spinning of the days with small children. She laughs and says there’s always later and then the dreamer stomps and says, maybe not?!

The other day all three of us (ha) were looking at Pinterest.


We found this:

Then the realist put her head in her hands and started with BUT
and the dreamer said YES
and I agreed most with her.


{The realist would like you to know that I was interrupted 294 times while trying to type this as fast as I could. She’s laughing. She’s all, and how will you have time for dreams, silly lady? I’m trying to ignore her. Happy Friday.}

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