Just Write {37}

May 28, 2012

So often I ask them how much I love them and they say to the moon and then I say and back down again and we go back and forth like that until one of us speeds up really fast and back up and back down and back up and back down…

INFINITY.

When I imagined having kids I thought I’d tell them I love them to the moon, but then I had kids and I found out the moon isn’t far enough. Infinity is the only thing forever and endless enough.

This weekend I saw these kids move from winter tones to summer kissed ones and somehow it makes them look older. And we moved the boys’ beds from apart to stacked and so they’re bunked boys now. Like the big boys that they are, apart and together. The duo and pals that run past laughing and asking what to play next. Then the over-tired and moody fighters, pushing each other’s limits like only brothers can until there are tears and so much whining.

You guys need to talk to each other about this. I say that over and over, especially in a long weekend of tattle-tale-ing.

I hate tattling to the moon and back, but I’m pretty sure they think they’re supposed to tattle until infinity. But of course, I do that thing that mothers do and I look at them at night in their bunked beds and I forgive them every single tattle and whine and fuss and fight; every mistake and disrespectful action and that’s such a big part of loving kids. I look at them, like I just did before sitting here and sometimes I feel a mix of things that are so intense they could pull me to the moon. And maybe sometimes I stand there and try to figure out how to be enough for them and for their sister, to meet all the unique needs in three hearts and bodies and I know I can’t. I’m only one person but I am their mother and that is how I’m enough, magically, even while I’m not. I’m standing there wanting to be and so my whispering insides are heard to the moon and back.

Infinity.

This is the 37th installment of Just Write, an exercise in free writing your ordinary and extraordinary moments{Please see the details here.}  I would love to read your freely written words so join me and link up below. You can add the url of your post at any time. Just be sure it’s a link to your Just Write post, not to your main pageThen please link back to this post in your post so people know where to go if they’d like to join in.) (Any links not following those two guidelines will be deleted.)

Also. Please take a moment to visit someone else who has linked up! It’s a really good way to meet new writers and get inspired by the meaning behind their moments. Word?

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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Sarah @ This Heavenly Life May 28, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Magically is right — there is just no other way to describe it, is there? I am not GOOD enough for this job, but here I am, doing it anyway, and they are my reward for a job *well-attempted*.

Lucky me :)

Lucky you, too!
Sarah @ This Heavenly Life recently posted..Remember the Golden Rule?

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The Mommy Psychologist May 28, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Unfortunately, my kiddo just learned how to tattle…Ugh…Not looking forward to this next phase.
The Mommy Psychologist recently posted..I’m Done Sleeping With My Husband

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Tricia May 29, 2012 at 6:00 am

As always, your writing is so beautiful and speaks right to me. The part about looking at them sleeping and forgiving every little thing from throughout the day, I feel that too. Every single night.

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Jessica May 29, 2012 at 6:16 am

So magical to be a mom and you captured that magic so perfectly. And oh, sleep and how it erases all.
Jessica recently posted..Rainbows

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Kimberly May 29, 2012 at 6:17 am

This was so beautiful but the last line especially : . I’m only one person but I am their mother and that is how I’m enough, magically, even while I’m not. I’m standing there wanting to be and so my whispering insides are heard to the moon and back.

Infinity.

Stole my breath away.
Kimberly recently posted..Satchel

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Marta May 29, 2012 at 8:20 am

It truly is infinity. Just this morning as I was trying to wrestle my five year old out of bed I cuddled up to him at first. His tiny little body and I tried with all my best to picture him older. Grown. How it would be different. How it would be the same. How now matter what it would be infinity.

So very well said Heather!
Marta recently posted..Sun. Sand. Summer.

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Aidan Donnelley Rowley May 29, 2012 at 10:05 am

This is just gorgeous, Heather. Infinity. Yes. And beyond, even.

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Julia May 29, 2012 at 11:08 am

Love the part about changing to summer hues. I swear something about summer makes them look older.
Julia recently posted..In Transition

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Robin May 29, 2012 at 1:30 pm

That phase of growing up is so sweet, when you can still ask the ‘How much do I love you?’ question, and they answer. They want to outdo you, and how much you love them by saying how much more they love you! Eat it up while you can :)

Great photo of the bunk beds and the excitement surrounding the new arrangement. My brothers had bunk beds – I was always a little jealous. They just looked like they were so much fun!
Robin recently posted..The Monster of Florence by Douglas Preston

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Tereasa May 29, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Simply, beautiful. I know how you feel!
Tereasa recently posted..I Did Not Know That!

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Monica May 29, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Awesome blog Heather! :D
It reminds me of the children’s book, “Love You Forever.”
God bless.
Monica recently posted..The Souls in Purgatory

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Stephanie Precourt May 29, 2012 at 3:39 pm

It’s more than enough but it’s never enough. Times infinity.

Steph
Stephanie Precourt recently posted..Identity

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Shelly Miller May 29, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Love that picture and the way you love being a mother to your children. It’s really a blessing to read your words.
Shelly Miller recently posted..When A Holiday Leaves You Hollow

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Sherry May 29, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Once again, you’ve got such a way with words. I wish I had your talent. But instead, I know exactly what you felt in this post. Forgiving every tattle, every whine….how I adore bedtime, or so many reasons.

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Galit Breen May 30, 2012 at 7:19 am

This kind of infinity love is breath taking, isn’t it? It just is.

(as are your words)

xo
Galit Breen recently posted..A Storm in the Night

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