I love that game. I mean, you get to share two unique things about yourself and also make something up just for fun while coming clean within minutes. Then you get to hear interesting facts and silly made-up things about your friends and family while trying to guess which one isn’t real.
It makes people rightfully angry and sad when bloggers play this game (or something more like 3 Lies And No Truths) without letting anyone else know the game is on. We feel duped, stunned, confused and pissed off when the truth inevitably comes out. Of course we do. Drama void of truth and bearing no common sense brings on strong feelings.
Online, people have famously hidden behind screens and typed themselves into characters living something Other–the faked death of a baby that never was, too many pretend cancer stories to count and a million other Lies big and small, from letters from readers that were typed by the blogger themselves to made-up quotes from children thrown out for a reaction.
Is that the desire? To get a reaction? Surely that can’t be all it is, right? That seems too simple but most things are quite simple when you break them down and stop over-thinking. Because maybe the desire for a reaction is there because of that intrinsic need to be seen and heard and maybe there are far too many lonely people out there. But beyond that, maybe this desire for a reaction is buried deep and coming in a psychological and emotional game of lies so that the person themselves can finally feel.
No matter, it leaves us reeling and frustrated because we’re telling the truth, most of us. And we have drama that Life has handed out and it is painful stuff. We are sitting behind screens with heavy hearts because our child is dying or we have cancer and we are struggling in big and small ways. We type it out to get it out and to have it witnessed and that takes courage, to trust the Interwebs with your heart words. And whether we actually trust the great abyss that is an online readership or not, we’re holding on tight to the feeling that somehow this works for us, this public journaling of personal lives. And maybe some of us do this for some pretty messed up reasons but many of us are just sitting here, in our homes or coffee shops or sneaking moments in offices, to tell our Truths. 3 Truths And No Lies. So many of us have enough drama without having to make it up and when someone else lies it casts a shadow of doubt over us all and that’s usually what makes people so angry. That, and the fact that for every person that lies to tell the story of something horrible happening to them, there are thousands more that are experiencing the real thing and something is stolen from the harsh reality of their experience when someone pretends alongside them. I’m sure it feels like a laugh in the face. Ha! Your pain is nothing! It is so small, I can bring it to life where it doesn’t even exist!
These liars are why people have a tendency to cringe a little when they hear the word blog or blogger. I mean, if you tell someone the latest tidbit of news you feel is interesting and you’re asked where you heard it, if the answer is a blog, you might as well have said The Enquirer. Many blogs exist for shock value, for made up stories about celebrities or politicians or the dramatic false stories of sickness or trauma that never existed. These are the ones that are remembered in the public’s collective eye.
There are as many reasons for blogging as there are bloggers and for the most part, we are telling the truth. We are cheering each other on in everything from parenting to weight loss to battling cancer or healing after the death of a child. We are real people with honesty pinned to our hearts and minds and coming out behind a blinking cursor. We hate the reputation that is given us by those that cannot find Enough in their lives to make them feel Enough. If the goal of lies is “blog fame” with an increase in unique visitors and a sky-rocketing klout score, it is still born of that need to be seen and to feel. The problem is deeper and more complicated than a mistake in a moment behind a screen that snow-balled out of control.
It is about insecurity and desperation and loneliness and even if there’s a mental illness catapult, there is still a hopeless feeling attached to it all. These lies are evidence of pain and even if that doesn’t excuse it, that’s the truth.
I tell my children that the Truth is always the best answer. I hope that always flows through their minds because they’re growing up in a time where it’s easier to hide, to choose the opposite of courage and to live outside of reality. And I know what will keep them listening to their heart-guts of truth and that is loving them well and reminding them often that their worth is found in simply being here, no matter if their lives are in a season of dramatic pain or the mundane boring old repetitive ordinary.
Those seasons of “normal” are a quiet reprieve but they make some of us terribly uncomfortable. There are far greater and more respectable ways to add excitement and community to life, but there will always be people who choose lies, especially here.
Let’s give our attention to those that don’t.
:::::
There are so many more. So many. Feel free to add them in the comments.
And there are so many who are here to do good things, real things, true things…
There are so many more. Feel free to add them in the comments.
And there are so many who are following their talents and creative inspiration to bring dreams to life…
and so many more. Feel free to add them in the comments.
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Oh, thank you for writing this. Much appreciated.
Katherine Willis Pershey recently posted..After
Well HELLO, thank you very much for including me in that list of lovely people. What a nice way to start off the week … oh wait, it’s Thursday.
There are SO many bloggers out there telling truths. Being vulnerable. Being amazing. And yet every time some other blogger comes out as a liar, or at minimum a MASSIVE exaggerator, it hurts us all. I’m just grateful we all work together to try and self-police these things and call out the liars when we find them.
Katherine @ Postpartum Progress recently posted..One In Five Get Postpartum Depression: Numbers Too Big To Ignore
Loved this. Thank you!
Then there is you, my friend. Little ol’ you, deep in the Midwestern heart of a beautiful land, scrunched and tired and overwhelmed while being over-joyed, who lifts up the proverbial shield on her life every day and says “Here’s the good, the bad and the ugly.” and makes it acceptable for others to see beauty among the mess of daily living. Of daily struggles with addiction, anxiety, fear, over-thinking, faith, growth, motherhood, wifehood…… you, Heather, are one of those who deserve to have a line in your own post, who deserve to be lauded, loved, and revered. If you were next to me, I’d just be touching your knee while reading this. And you would know, without words.
Thank you for this, for pointing out that there are extraordinary moments out there that resonate with absolute truth, painful truth and provocative, gasping, touching truth. That there are women who rise daily even amidst crushing loss and pain, who meet themselves in the mirror and shoulder the strength to greet the day, with little children, families and lives that they willingly share with the world. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Kate recently posted..cauliflower two ways
You are too good to me. I mean, can there be “too good”? No, probably not. But what I’m trying to say is THANK YOU and I love you and I can’t wait to see you again soon. Let’s make it soon.
Perfection. You said this all so well and without bitterness or sarcasm. Just empathy and caring for people. I love that about you.
When I started my blogging journey I was already 3 years into my grief. I didn’t even think to share much about Emma other than on her birthday and Angel days. It wasn’t until I’d been blogging for 3 years that I decided I could share that much and that part of myself. Through doing that though, i know that countless people have been helped.
There really is something to be said for being real, vulnerable, and sharing our lives and hearts with each other.
While I do get angry when people make up lives and stories, I don’t give them any attention at all. I just ignore them and give them the opposite of what they want.
Your list is great, I love it and I love you.
Kim recently posted..Not Writing
Thank you for sharing this. A few years back, I found a fairly local blogger who was starting to get fairly popular. She and I chatted via the internet and commentary on her blog. I felt we had a lot in common, 5 kids each, lots of time spent in the hospital with them (for her with her son, for me with 4 of mine as they were all preemies). I wanted to be JUST. LIKE. HER. Why? Because she kept an immaculate house, had a wonderful marriage, had a great relationship with God, was THEE perfect Mommy. I sent her cash, paid for a hotel room, shipped her breastmilk for a breastmilk drive she was doing. In addition to that, I prayed for her and her sick son MANY MANY times based on what she posted on her blog. I truly loved her as a friend and felt close to her.
Until I got to know her. I heard how she spoke of others. I witnessed how she treated her husband. I caught her in countless lies. I was notified that I was the recipient of her blog contest long before it even ended… and I felt like a total idiot. I was lied to – taken advantage of – and I fell for 100% of it all. I was an idiot.
You’re right about how this changes things for all bloggers. It makes readers VERY skeptical. It made me question everything for months (and in some cases I still do). I read blogs and tell myself “this could all just be a story to earn more clicks”… I believe there are still women and men out there who write JUST for the sake of writing – and then there are the ones who write solely for money. Who post snippets of the truth just to hook readers – and get them to click once more. There are those who mislead us and those who do not. And as a reader, I’m finding part of my “entertainment” job is to sort through the blogs I follow, and find out which ones are truly worth continuing to read. I’m sure as a blogger, one of your jobs is to watch which other bloggers you associate yourself with – as we all have heard “Birds of Feather Flock Together”…
Thank YOU Heather, for being real!
Cathy recently posted..Whew!
You know, I didn’t even know there were liar bloggers. Lucky me! I seem to have landed within great blogging circles!
Brandee Shafer recently posted..Thoughts on July 4th
For me, having a blog has been a powerful tool to not only share my truth but feel the power of what it means to be part of a community in a way I’d never experienced before. It will never stop irking me when I hear of people frauding themselves on their blogs for whatever reasons. Thanks for writing this.
Redneck Mommy recently posted..One Man’s Dream Is Another Woman’s Nightmare
In real life and online I only want to be around truth-tellers. The way to my interest and soul is honesty and maybe it’s my age and experience showing but I’m bored and have no time for fakers, no matter how much they try to spice up the story. This is hard, though, for people lovers. (like me) :)
Steph.
Adventures in Babywearing recently posted..July FOUR: Swimsuit Edition
You, too. YOU TOO. You’ve created a space of pure beauty and truth and sometimes silly and funny. You show up all the time and pour it out of you. LOVE you and what you do.
Ann recently posted..July is National Children Learn to Lift a Finger Month!
Wow! You hit the nail on the head! A family member of mine is in a relationship with a very, famous (infamous) blogger who does just that – twists and lies and calls her blog “her reality.” I believe in the truth. Anything else isn’t worth my time. (That is why I’m not mentioning the blogger’s name – I don’t want to draw traffic to her blog, just as I don’t read it).
Angel recently posted..THAT mom
Beautiful. Thank you, heather. And that’s the truth.
Sarah Bessey recently posted..In which I share 10 books I read over and over (and over)
It’s interesting to me that you mentioned other blogs that post negative or even non truthful stuff about celebrities, famous people, etc. because I don’t read any of those. I just read mostly “mom blogs” or blogs by women like us. It makes me think of ALL the blogs out there that I do not even know exist.
Anyway, this line really struck me…”… this public journaling of personal lives…”. Partly because yeah, unless you’ve met me and talked with me for a while you don’t REALLY know me, except maybe through my blog.
I had an IRL friend email me this last week about my post about gaining weight back. I didn’t even know she read my blog. I put things in that post that I would probably not say to a lot of people’s face, BUT it’s on my blog. So interesting to me… and VERY personal.
Anyway, sorry for the rant.
This is a wonderful post, Heather. Thanks for highlighting the truth tellers and REAL bloggers that you did. And you always make me think.
xo
Elaine recently posted..4th Fun
Hi you!
I’ve noticed that most non-bloggers think blogging is just a thing people do to get attention, like Perez Hilton. That’s really the only name they know but they here in the media that a big gossipy lie started with a blogger and then they assume that’s what bloggers do…exaggerating or not fact checking or whatever. I’m sure people are starting to get that there are all kinds now, but it seems that’s the most common understanding of what a blogger is…and then there are these people making up entire lives, so…yeah. heh.
Love this Heather! Open and honest blog! I am still trying to break the cycle to be more vulnerable to express myself in my blog. Thanks for your words of inspirational. :)
Thank you for writing this. Yes. And Yes again. xo
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Keeping Cool
I would like to believe that there are more truth tellers than liars, but even I have been duped by those who would tell untruths to get hits on their blogs based in fiction.
Great post, I can’t disagree!
LindsayDianne recently posted..Luckiest Girl Alive…
I don’t even know what the latest bit that drew this out of you is (and I don’t want to) but I love how you always handle things to eloquently. You are class lady, all class :-)
Melissa recently posted..Take Time to Dance {Bigger Picture Moments}
I just loved this post so much. Thank you.
Melinda recently posted..we’re not busy. we’re just having fun.
I was actually just thinking about something like this today. It may be strange of me… but I am more honest about my real life with those online (especially on twitter) than I am to some in my real life. It’s not that I’m lying necessarily — just willing to leave out details that I don’t seem to leave out when writing on my blog or sharing on twitter.
It’s like I’m in opposite world. How strange of me.
Julie @DutchBeingMe recently posted..Why the fireworks…
Wonderful to give some attention to people you feel are forthright and sincere and wonderful for what they do. I’ve always taken personal posts – no matter what the subject – with a shakerful of salt. In the early days of blogging, I saw far too much silliness to hand over my trust without proof.
I think there is a lot of great writing, and a story well-told doesn’t depend on truth. Just like some truth doesn’t make for compelling reading. However, my personal feeling is that no one should misrepresent her/his experiences to an unsuspecting readership. And that goes triple when people accept monetary or goods assistance because of it.
Kristin recently posted..Members Only: There Can Be Only One (fiction)
Yes, yes, yes to all of this. I began blogging quite naive to the “business” side of things, just looking for a place to tell my stories so they wouldn’t boil over when they bubbled up inside me; so I wouldn’t implode under the pressures of special need parenting while I was caring for my elderly father (and mother) through his impending death. I discovered a community – so many of the names you mentioned – and thought it was all love and support and cyber-hugs. I have frankly, directly encountered little of the dark side you speak of here. Lucky, I guess. And hanging out with the likes of you, dear one, and those like you. Cyber-hugs, for real.
Varda (SquashedMom) recently posted..Cousins on the 4th!
yes to this, too.
it’s hard to learn to love someone through this and then find out that they aren’t all that you epitomized them to be. or to find that they pulled your heart into believing something that wasn’t the way they portrayed it to be.
but you, my friend. authentic. with a capital a. (which i can’t really write as a capital a … because i hate typing in capitals so gosh darn much.) and i still have the lego to prove it. :)
jen recently posted..enjoying the everydayness … an i {heart} faces challenge
It can be tempting to get upset by the lengths people will go, on blogs or in person, to position themselves. It’s a bit like the photoshopization (sorry, license) of beauty. If it’s constructed from air it can’t last or be lived up to.
I love the soul-filling satisfaction of earned relationships. Beautifully done.
Amanda recently posted..Bending to Gratitude
Amanda, I just love this comment. Especially “If it’s constructed from air it can’t ast or be lived up to.” And, “I love the soul-filling satisfaction of earned relationships.”
Your words summed up my thoughts about this whole thing, so thank you.
I stopped by just to feel your truths and have new truth-tellers to read. I was stunned to see my name on there, Heather. To say I’m honored to be on that list is an understatement.
I have admired truth and honesty in others. Seen the beauty of core reality.
It is something I cherish in others and foster as trait of strength in myself. It’s a gift, Heather, one you have always shared and encouraged.
Thank you.
Anissa recently posted..sh*tters broke!
Oh I love you, lady. And I love that after this thoughtful, beautiful comment, at the bottom, the link to your blog says “sh*tters broke!” I mean. How perfect. Anissa, always with a huge heart and a dose of hilarity.
xoxo
Well said. I blog to find my truth, since writing has always been my way towards what is real and true for me. Like any endeavor, there are those who don’t respect the work in the same way. It is too bad that those people are generally not only seeking attention, but getting it as well.
Sarah @ToddlerSummer recently posted..Remodel: Week 8
Hello, you! I know I haven’t stopped and said hi in awhile, but I get your posts via email so there’s that. You know, I’ve given up trying to figure out why people know make up ridiculously manipulative stories and pass them off as the truth. There are some real narcissists out there desperate for attention. Do we expose them when we know them to be frauds or do we simply choose to ignore them? My faith in humanity clings to the hope that people will figure out what’s so glaringly obvious to me, but it truly bothers me when prayers are being offered up for situations that do not exist.
Katdish recently posted..The griddle of our discontent
I love your question because I have no idea. And I am weird and love to think about stuff I can’t know the answer to…heh…because ignoring the lies and the people that tell them seems right and good and so does exposing them. Online, what I’ve seen, is that MOST of the time, people go on blogging. Or they apologize and take time off and then come back. Many of them, after being exposed, tell the Internets that they didn’t actually do the thing they’re being accused of–you know, because of that narcissism thing. I don’t know. I have a lot of narcissistic/mentally ill/just plain selfish people in my life (YAY ME!) and my husband and I choose IGNORE much more than engage. But online, the ripple effect of the hurt lying causes is maybe too big to ignore? See? I like thinking about that. :)
Thanks for this post! I truly never even considered the concept of people blogging dishonestly. I’m kind of new to this, but use my very public first and last name on my blog so half truths (or no truths) aren’t an option.
That being said, I’ve always harbored great empathy for those who are so down on themselves that they can’t live authentic lives. I can’t begin to imagine the pain inside of someone that would cause them to fabricate their lives to an online audience for attention. Sad.
Thanks for the heads up.
It is a shame there are always going to be people out there who lie and create drama for attention. I started blogging during my husbands first deployment, as a way to keep him involved in our daily lives, and just fell in love with journaling our lives. I hate to think people can take such an awesome thug and twist it around so that now others have to look on/read suspiciously and distrustfully, that takes so much away from what blogging should be about!
Sorry you encountered someone who let you down that way, but thanks for sharing some good blogs for us to read!
Awesome thing. I shouldn’t type on my phone late at night ;)
Lora recently posted..You Know It Was A Good Plane Ride When….
you are made of good, too. you know that, right?
thankful for you.
love recently posted..joy + sorrow.
Sigh. This is why I slowed down, stopped and then came back “little” to blogging. Too much of too much. But you and the ladies you listed, all good to the soul.
My latest post, is sadly 100% real and not Photoshopped. I sort wish I was a liar.
Becky (Princess Mikkimoto) recently posted..Made In The U.S.A.
Thank you so much for including me on your list. I am honored! I do try to be a truth teller, although of course I wish my blog was more fiction than fact. Especially on hard days like today. xo
anna see recently posted..The Storm
I wish it weren’t true. My thoughts and prayers are still with you and that will continue. Thank you for allowing us in. It is an honor to be beside you in ways too small but so well-intentioned. You are so loved.
Peace.
I am so honored to be on your list. Because you are one of the truthiest truth-tellers I know. Big hugs to you and your honesty, mama.
Meagan @ The Happiest Mom recently posted..Your Turn Thursday: Do you have a slightly shameful parenting secret?
I have to agree with this lovely Megan. You ARE one of the truthiest sayers of truth there is. I’ll never get over the wonder of how you speak it all so perfectly. You make it seem effortless, and yet for those of us who take up the task to hit Publish on something – anything – it’s not effortless. I know that. It’s perfectly told truth.
Megan at SortaCrunchy recently posted..Your Green Resource – Week Forty-Two
Thank you for sharing these women with us. I hate that there are people who aren’t honest out there, but most of my dealings have been with great people of integrity, so I won’t let one rotten apple spoil the bunch.
kateanon recently posted..split
At least when I lie online, everyone can tell I’m doing it for the sake of humor.
Father Muskrat recently posted..running with the bulls in pamplona
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