October 2012

Just Write {59}

October 29, 2012

Do what you love. Don’t leap before grace. Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can’t lose.  I have these sayings up around my office. They’ve been there so long, I don’t notice them. It’s funny, how we hang up words that we want to live by and then they become background to living, invisible. I hardly even see them anymore, but every once and a while, I sit and look around and they pull me back to my core, center me and remind me of a few things my spirit knows. Invisible doesn’t have to mean gone. I’m working on a post for tomorrow. It will be up at A Deeper Family. It’s about my grandparents, mostly. It’s part of our story. It’s largely about faith and how they lived it and how I live it the same and differently. It’s mostly God’s story and I wish we could all see that our spiritual paths […]


I have received more emails and comments about PTLS than anything else. By far. There are far too many women out there googling their symptoms and landing on my blog. I’m still not totally comfortable calling what I deal with PTLS. There’s so much mis-information about this. Most of the medical community scoffs at such a “syndrome” saying that it’s impossible and it’s all in our heads. They say that the idea that we’re struggling because of a tubal ligation is one that doctors who do reversals created to keep themselves in business. That’s interesting, because no one told me my symptoms could be related to my tubal. I didn’t google it. I just knew. It’s called intuition or a gut feeling and as invalid as that may seem to many medical professionals, it’s a reality. We know our bodies. We know when something is wrong and I knew for certain that something […]

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Just Write {58}

October 22, 2012

I’ve probably had too much coffee. I was walking around the bedroom, our bedroom, stepping over dirty clothes and wondering why I went in there. I decided to go down and switch the laundry because the laundry on the floor reminded me. I did that, but I forgot to take the laundry from the floor with me. There’s an anxious pit in my stomach and I’ve never known life without that. Sometimes I remember to stop and ask it why it’s there and much of the time there’s no reason. It just is. Most of the time, I forget about it because it’s all I know. I don’t know what peaceful insides feel like. Please don’t tell me to meditate or pray or take breaks or think differently. I know and do those things, sometimes, and I don’t know, it’s hard to figure and then get a part of yourself out while the […]


1, 2, 3 FAKE SMILE!!!

October 22, 2012

this happens so rarely. all of us! same photo! go team! we’ll have to do this again in a few years. Happy Monday, friends!


one of the best parts of having chickens is the entertainment. kids especially love to come over and try to hold them, like they’re puppies. until the wings start flapping…because chickens generally don’t dig being snuggled…   our friends C and K were over yesterday, with they’re mom, Honda. (That’s not her real name, but it might rhyme with that.) Anyway, I told K, Honda’s youngest daughter, that the black chicken has only been held once since it was tiny because she’s so fast and she really quite hates being held. K chased that black chicken for I don’t know how long, through dog poop and under trees and around all the things. Until she caught her! and then she and Honda were both very proud. and C dared to touch the black hen…with one finger…   and all was well with the backyard chicken world…   for a moment…     because […]



October 18, 2012

I was hungry and pinning things on Pinterest. I started pinning every food pin that looked even slightly tasty to me. It didn’t take long before I was salivating and oooohing and aaaahing and wishing I was eating all the pins. Crock pot chili- done in 20 minutes! Pumpkin cookie cheesecake melt-away touch-of-cumin bars! Fig Hazelnut Ricotta Crispy Maple Crostinis! Seven layer dip with 7 new layers for dipping! The pretty pictures! Then I had an idea. Instead of salivating and pinning, I could try… doing the pins! Instead of just collecting them! You know! DOING them! I could click open something from my foodies board and I could GO MAKE that SOMETHING IN THE KITCHEN!   So that’s what I did. I got up from the chair and I made things! From now on, I’m going to DO the things I PIN. At least the doable things, anyway. Of course, I can’t […]



October 17, 2012

Kelby at Type A Parent has a new series going called We Still Blog. I’m all pink in the cheeks with the news that I got to be the first blogger featured there. My post is about something new we have on our family plate, something unexpected and medium hard, which is hard, just like all the hard parenting things are. If that makes any sense at all. Maybe it will make more sense if you head on over there to read it. Thank you. ::::: Also. I had the honor of being interviewed over the phone by a smart and kind woman named Debbi. She laughed at my jokes, so yeah, she’s pretty kind, right? Well, anyway. The interview is going to be shared as a part of a FREE series Debbi is doing. This Telesummit is for every woman that feels she has to compromise to “do it all”. Which is […]


Just Write {57}

October 15, 2012

My husband comes through the door, shuffling in his slippers. He asks me what I’m still doing up. I’m normally an “early to bed, early to rise” kind of sleeper. I don’t know. I was looking at houses for sale and it’s addicting. I let the iPad fall from my hands to the covers on my belly and yawn while he climbs in and puts his CPAP machine over his goatee, mouth and nose. I giggle. I always do, I can’t help it. I feel like I’m sleeping with a robot or a character out of Star Trek. He has to sort of yell from under the mask for me to hear his seemingly far-away voice… Stop it!   Suddenly we’re these parents of three kids and we’re nearing 40 and he has a sleep machine and my favorite thing to do is online real estate searching. I love it. It’s getting too […]


Poems for Ordinary People

October 13, 2012

Carol Allis describes her book of poetry as “poems for and about ordinary people and the things that mean most to us.” On the back of her book it says, “She wants to help bring back the loving link that used to exist between ordinary people and their poets.” Not all poetry can be understood, right? And sometimes I read it and wonder if I’m not very smart. Then I remember that poetry is art and it’s not always meant to be understood. Or, it’s meant to be understood however you need to understand it, and that’s pretty magical. The thing about Carol Allis’ poetry is that it’s not over-simplified, and yet it resonates deeply because it truly is for the ordinary person. Like me, a mother in Minnesota with three children who can see herself in the midst of the words about the daily grind and the simple moments of life. I […]


Remember when I said we were doing the hydrocephalus association’s walk? And that I wanted to raise $1,000 for Asher’s Noggins!? We totally did that! Isn’t that the best!? I learned a lot that day, and I’ve been wanting to sit down to write about it, but again, time keeps on slippin’ slippin’ slippin’…into the future. Today, by a random twist of Internet Fate, or Serwebdipity, I’m over at the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital blog. There’s a wonderful woman there that uses words like penultimate in conversation and then I look up the word and I’m all, OHHHH and then of course I just SAY that I didn’t know what the word was and had to look it up. I’m a pleasure to work with, I tell ya. (Also. Serwebdipity is obviously a word that should be in the dictionary with a meaning like; a serendipitous or fortuitous meeting on the world wide interweb.) So […]


Just Write {56}

October 8, 2012

I have a plan, she says. Oh good, I love plans. What is it? I’m going to be an arm chair psychic and have my own television show. I know I’m psychic because I was thinking of a friend and then he called me.  We laughed a lot, at this. Yes, yes. Another great plan. Go for it. When people ask how you know you’re psychic, you have SO much proof. No problem! We talked about knowing things. About looking back on the past and celebrating the times we did not get what we thought we wanted. She said, I was going to move to Minneapolis and become a graphic designer. I mean, obviously, if you’re from small town Minnesota, that’s what you do, you strive to move to the Twin Cities. Many of us, anyway. I never did get to Minneapolis, but I’ve had a really interesting life. I got all choked […]


about last night

October 4, 2012

That’s a movie, right? About Last Night. Yeah, I think so. This is a picture story about life last night. (It starts below, because of course I had to say stuff first.) Oh wait, I think it may have been the night before last, but I have no idea. For the last four weeks, Ryan and I have traveled, taking turns, week by week. Me, once, to Ojai for Creative Alliance and he, three times, for the working and the paying of the bills. We pass the baton one night and then the next morning, the other of us is off on an airplane. I’m trying to focus on how there is a “We” and an “us” to even talk about at all because it makes me so grateful. WE are exhausted, so I’m glad that there are a few weeks coming up when neither of US is traveling. The thing about fall […]


Just Write {55}

October 1, 2012

Ask for help. She said, But how? How do you do that?  It’s not supposed to be comfortable, you have to be in the discomfort. Let it be uncomfortable. Hi, how are you? Can you help me?  Ask that person, the one who loves you so much and so purely that helping you is just fine with them or even better than fine. Like going to a movie or watching fireworks. That’s how people feel about it, you know. They like helping. It’s not pretend and they aren’t lying. Except those that are and if they’ve tricked you before and taken it back or acted put out, they were wrong and you were not. You were strong because it’s weak to carry it all alone. Sorry, but it is.  It’s also weak to pretend you like helping if you don’t. I’m not sorry for saying that. We all need to remember that. Me […]