Just Write {121}

February 3, 2014

He sat down on the top step and asked how he could be so tired when he slept all the way until 6:57am. And he’s right, that’s totally late for him. So it hits me that he keeps complaining of being exhausted, off and on lately. It hits me like a ton of bricks. So I finally stop what I’m doing, look up the number for the doctor and call, right then.

He doesn’t want to go and I’m honest that yes, they’ll probably do a blood draw and yes, that sucks. Both literally and figuratively.

He’s so grown up these days but later, when we sat in the lab at the clinic he reached for me like he used to and I grabbed on and we put our heads together as the tech said, 1-2-3 and his breathing was erratic and so I kept reminding him, deeeep breaths, you’re so brave, it’s almost over, just breathe. He was holding back tears and that makes it hard to breathe so I told him it was okay to cry and that’s when he let go. Not of my arm but of his tears. He cried loud and hard and kept his head buried.

I hated every second of it, as it ticked by like hours.

They gave him a sucker and told him he held his arm still really well. His little brother stood next to him and could have been the poster boy for Empathy.

I asked if we could get results before tomorrow, to see if he’s anemic, or has thyroid issues, or what?

No, they said, probably not until tomorrow afternoon. Okay then, let’s go. Let’s wait. I mean, it took me too long to make the appointment and then I want to hurry everything up. It was time to let go because we don’t know and it’s not always something awful. Sometimes it’s nothing. If you are reading this and you’ve gotten the bad news before, you know what I mean. You hold your breath like my little boy, sitting there with a needle in his arm, weeping.

So I took a deep breath and we decided that a sucker wasn’t treat enough and we went out for ice cream. These thoughts would creep in, like a few times I can remember from the last few months when he has said he had to run at school and it was too hard. Or we’ve been on a walk and he stops to say it’s just too hard. I didn’t take it all that seriously but now these thoughts come in waves and when I put them all together it seems like a lot.

But here we are now, NOW. And I am way too hard on myself. We went to get it checked out. It could be nothing. Totally possible.

So I let go again and try to stay. here. now. We went to the library and got him a book and tonight he’ll be tucked in earlier than usual because I want to do all these little things that help.

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This is the 121st installment of Just Write, an exercise in free writing your ordinary and extraordinary moments. {Please see the details here.} I would love to read your freely written words so join me and link up below. You can add the URL of your post at any time. Just be sure it’s a link to your Just Write post, not to your main page, and please don’t link to posts that are not freely written in the spirit of capturing moments–you know, don’t link to how-to posts, lists or sponsored posts. Also, please link back to this post in yours so people know where to go if they’d like to join in.

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