Just Write {192}

August 25, 2015

muddy

They had a bath. It rained hard, and then it stopped. I thought they were riding bike. There were very big puddles all over the place. They found the biggest and the muddiest and the result was a lot of fun, and some memories made, and an upset Mama.

I don’t want them to remember that part.

By the time I took the picture, I had started to laugh, but it was a little late. I asked them to make the face of what they thought I was feeling.

oops.

I told my friend that sometimes I wish I could just shut off that getting upset part of myself. That I want to feel light and free most of the time, instead of stressed and not-free. I’ve realized my tension is deep. No, it doesn’t help that there has been a lot of stress, with medical things, etc…but it’s also that it’s just me. I’ve gotten an up close and personal look at my anxiety and I have no idea how I did not see how big it was, before. I got used to it, in the same way that you get used to anything uncomfortable. A rock in the shoe. A terrible noise off in the distance. Exhaustion.

We are adaptable creatures and sometimes we wake up to realize we have adapted in the wrong direction.

School starts next Tuesday. We have loved summer. The kids have had a great time, with friends and swimming and being with babysitters they have come to love. Summer’s end is always a little sad, especially when these kids grow so much and then put on their first day of school clothes and stand there so big.

But new starts help change the direction. Take off the shoe, let the rock slip out. Walk away from the noise. Rest. Please, let’s begin again.

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This is the return of Just Write, a free-writing exercise in which you sit down with no writing agenda, no pushing for a theme. Watch the details of your stories ignite their own meaning from within:

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Kim August 25, 2015 at 9:17 am

Oh yes. Anxiety…that is something else now, isn’t it? I want to stop yelling, to be the light and carefree Mama…is that possible? I don’t know. But I am trying to find out. xo
Kim recently posted..Twelve

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