Sipping Coffee

I like mornings. Not the waking up part, but the coffee and breakfast part. Ryan and I used to spend hours on the weekend mornings, reading the paper, doing the crossword, or reading a book, but always sipping coffee. Now we try to read the paper and end up reading it in parts, we never do the crossword, and only have time to read a few pages of a book at night if we’re lucky. But we still always sip coffee in the morning. It’s a good friend, that coffee. Lately we’ve gotten in the habit of putting a little whipped cream on the top as a treat. So unhealthy, but so good. Sometimes you just need a little treat.
Things have really changed since the days of relaxed morning reading. I miss that a lot sometimes, even though I wouldn’t trade my current life for a million crossword mornings. Life is just far too busy now for reading the paper cover to cover, or sometimes even for a long shower. When I say “busy,” it’s kind of an ironic busy, because sometimes it feels like we’re not ever doing anything. Many days we have no real agenda, and yet I’ve never multi-tasked like this before. For instance, so far the morning has been like this:
I woke up to “I WANNA GET UUUUUUP!!!!” over the monitor, so I got up to get Miles out of bed. We headed to the living room and I went to get him some pedialyte since he’s had the flu and hasn’t been eating or drinking much. Then I sat with him a few minutes, watching morning cartoons. I went to the kitchen to start coffee and pancakes, hoping that Miles would be interested in his favorite morning food. While doing that, I kept responding to calls from the living room of “MOOOMY!!!,” and rushing in to see if he was getting sick again. Each time, he just wanted to show me something or wanted to make sure I was still there. I’d go back to flip pancakes and mix myself a coffee. The coffee sat there as I got distracted by Tia staring at me, waiting to go out. I let Tia out and then responded to another call from the living room. I went back to flip the pancakes and then I heard Asher start to stir on his monitor. So I cleared the pancakes off the griddle and made my way to the baby in the closet :) I got Asher up and, with him on one hip, made some more pancakes and occasionally took a sip of my coffee. Miles decided that he would try some pancakes, so I got him up in his chair, got his plate ready and brought it to him. I then started to think I should feed Asher. But Miles decided against eating and wanted to get down. I put Asher in his bouncy seat and helped Miles down. Then I thought if he isn’t going to eat, I should make sure he’s getting more to drink, so I worked on that for awhile until I realized there were more pancakes still on the griddle. I also started to think that both boys most likely need their diapers changed, but I figured I could put that off until Asher was fed. I shut down the pancake works for awhile, facing that it just wasn’t happening and wishing I could eat some. I then sat down to nurse Asher. Ryan walked in just then and his presence became a point of interest for Asher who got distracted from eating to look at daddy for awhile. Miles started getting all silly, which set Tia into a playful motion. She was wagging her tail and wiggling and bouncing and bonked Miles right into a chair. So he needed to be held and I passed Asher off to daddy to wait to finish eating while I hugged the owies out of Miles for a bit. When he was fine, I finished feeding Asher and went back to the kitchen. By now, my lovely coffee was cold, so I put it in the microwave, dissapointed because it’s never the same from the microwave, but oh well, at least it’s caffeine. Meanwhile, pitter pattering in, enter Miles, saying “mommy, I want a banana.” OH! GOOD NEWS! He wants to eat!!! So I got him a banana and he ate it and came back for more. He wasn’t quite ready for more though, and put it down in the living room. Ryan was asking him to throw it away and he wouldn’t, passing through the kitchen saying “I need to wash my hands,” avoiding having to throw away the banana. So I stopped him, explaining that he has to listen to us about throwing things away, and he turned around to go pick it up and throw it away. He then needed help in the bathroom to get the banana off his hands. We finished that and I took a moment to shovel some pancakes in, but Asher started to fuss and then I couldn’t concentrate. So I started cleaning up the kitchen while Ryan was calming Asher. I kept thinking of how I needed to go switch the laundry since I’ve been washing absolutely everything to try to avoid flu germs. I started to work on the laundry, but Miles was calling for me and sounded distressed, whining and complaining and repeating, “mommy, mommy, mommy,” so I thought he might be feeling sick after eating the banana. After sitting with him awhile, I realized he must be feeling out of sorts. I’m sure he’s still not 100%, and most likely isn’t too sure that his banana is going to stay inside. After that, I looked at the clock and realized it was already time for Asher’s morning nap, but I wasn’t caught up on anything enough to focus on that, so I took Miles to change his diaper and put on clothes. He had a fit the whole time because he had been busy playing “run from the giant” and I had interrupted him. So he ended up in a time out for “talking rude” to me. I then was able to start thinking about Asher’s nap, so I asked Ryan to work on that while I continued to clean up the kitchen and start more laundry. But I never did either of those things because Miles was having trouble with getting frustrated, so I took him to the computer to show him the trailer for the Veggie Tales movie, asking if he’d like to see it sometime. That worked for awhile, but when it finished he couldn’t understand why we couldn’t just watch it on the computer. I tried to explain, but he was mad so I didn’t really help the mood. Ryan and I then decided that maybe a ride in the car would be best for Miles since he’s been in the house far too much the last couple of days. So Ryan took him to go get some movies and that’s how I have time to write this. Although I have come back to it about five times so far. That’s a pretty typical weekend morning for us here in Kingville. I still haven’t had much coffee, the time has flown by and now it’s time to start thinking about what to make for lunch.
I do look forward to the days when Ryan and I can relax in the morning, drinking coffee and seeing who can get the most answers to the crossword. But once again, I know that this time we have now is something we will want back one day. It won’t always be this way. Miles won’t need (or want) so many snuggles, and Asher won’t get such a kick out of watching me try to get things done in the kitchen.
I realize that many of my posts have had this same theme. Honestly, that’s because I need to remind myself. The truth is, as beautiful and wonderful as this season is, it is also exceptionally hard. It just is. A friend and I were talking recently about how most of the time, it’s all about survival. Then another friend and I were talking about how you just have to accept that. It can be really hard to accept because you do love your kids so much that you want to be perfect for them. But no one can remain perfectly patient and cool with toddlers and infants, especially when sleep deprived, it’s just humanly impossible. If you don’t accept that, you run the risk of constant guilt, and that’s just no good. I suppose it’s just like anything else in life, this need for acceptance. It does really make a big difference. If I just accept that weekend mornings will not be the same again for a long time, it sure makes them a lot more enjoyable. If I fight it, and try really hard to sit and drink coffee and relax by myself, it will not happen and I’ll end up dissapointed. If I face it that I won’t have much time for that, it’s a simple pleasure when I get to take a sip here and there. One day, I’ll sit and drink the whole thing all at once and I’ll enjoy it more than I ever had before. And when that time comes, most likely I’ll be thinking of the time when I never drank hot coffee all at once, and I’ll be smiling. Life sure is funny that way.