Posted on Thursday~January 22, 2009
I’ve just had a brilliant idea.
There’s this teacher at Miles’ school that looks really, really good. Every Tuesday and Thursday when I come to pick Miles up, we pass in the hall as she takes her students to lunch. Every single day she looks REALLY great. High fashion kind of great, hair perfect and everything. She’s so well put-together that I’m starting to wonder if she has a nanny, a house-keeper, and three assistants.
Because I’m THAT mom (haven’t showered, half dressed, mascara streaked under my eyes, old Levi’s and a huge sweatshirt…), I tend to shrink as I pass this amazing specimen of fashion perfection. Partly because I hope she won’t notice me, but mostly because I’m HER on the INSIDE.
Kind of. I mean I do have SOME fashion sense. I’m usually somewhat aware of the trends and most of the time I even like them. I just have absolutely no energy to keep up in this regard. In a nutshell, not only do I have two small children, but I go it alone quite often due to Ryan’s work taking him all over the country (I am refraining from a rant brought on by a terrible week of single parenting right now, can you tell? Let’s just say I’m NEVER going to bad mouth single parents EVER. I can’t even imagine doing this full-time, it’s so dang hard.)
Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah. My idea. Since I don’t have the money or energy for a rockin‘ wardrobe, I’m going to intentionally continue to walk around looking like I forgot what decade I’m in. Yes, I’m going to do it on purpose. Maybe I’ll even forgo getting my haircut all-together so I look extra frumpy.
I’m going to dress as out-dated as humanly possible in hopes that someone will tell Stacy and Clinton on me. You know, the people from What Not to Wear. (you can click on this link to nominate me for the show)
Yes, please tell them I look awful. Because if they agree (and who wouldn’t?), then I could be picked to go on their show and display my awful wardrobe for all the world to see. Which would be fine with me because then Stacy and Clinton would give me $5,000 for a new, more updated wardrobe, and lots and lots of advice, AND a complete make-over.
In the end I’d be just like all the rest of the people featured on the show, twirling and beaming, talking about my glorious new confidence.
This sounds good to me…GOING ON VACATION, shopping a lot with money that’s not mine, and coming home with lots of new clothing that makes me look like the teacher in the hall. Then we’d pass each other on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and give a knowing look. A look that says, “Yes, we’re HOT.”
That is, if I remember to wear the new clothes that day. And if I’m not too tired to put on the hot boots and make my hair all fancy (under my stocking cap). Yeah, besides that, I’ll look great!
For more Very Funny Friday posts, head on over to navel gazing at its finest.
{ 48 comments }
This plan is genius, I’ve flirted with the idea of somehow coming to Stacy and Clinton’s attention myself. One day I showed up late to parent teacher conferences in camouflage capris, a tank top and leather jacket I didn’t intend to look like the ‘Mominator’, what happened? I used to care about style and fashion.
oh Heather, I know :)
I feel like “that” on the inside too. I used to dress so cute, and get my hair cut etc. I feel like I am still there, but when I look in the mirror I realize that it was 5 years ago…
And I have had the exact same thought about the makeover thing…maybe I can just look so bad that someone will stage and intervention and help me out…
Good look with all that
P.S. at least you wear mascara, even if it is running down your face :)
I dressed like a big dork before I had kids, too, so my post-children wardrobe isn’t shocking anyone. I wonder if we could go on What Not To Wear together? It could be a special Blogger’s Edition.
I think you always look fab! Really! Im not just saying that. At the same time, I know how you feel.
Once upon a time I was voted Most Likely to Make a Fashion Statement, in High School.
Over time I stopped trying… Now I feel frumpy every single day. Gross jeans, faded shirts, the same messy hair style i’ve had for years.
And all the teachers here look flawless.
But Im happy to be me, im glad Im not the girl who tries so hard everyday like I used to. I just dont care if im not the most fashionable anymore.
It’s too much pressure.
but every now and then its nice to get dressed up and feel pretty.
sounds like a plan ..
my only problem with the show (yes, I have seen it .. TJ watches it) is that they love to chop off hair and slather on the make-up .. I am a fan of long hair (not to say that someone with short hair cant be beautiful .. I just prefer long) .. and make-up should accentuate features, not create them ..
your pic on your blog looks like it was taken and a good day (not a glamour shot, but not just out of bed either) .. your make-up does what it is supposed to do .. it brings out the features you want to highlight .. your face looks like it belongs to you and did not come out of a bottle, or a tube, or was applied with a roller ..
now .. spending $5000 of someone elses money .. always acceptable .. lol
I don’t know how single parents do it either but I certainly have a lot of respect for them- and I haven’t had to go more than a 2 days without backup.
I hope your plan works. Wouldn’t THAT be fab?
I remember back in my post-college but pre-marriage life when I looked like that. I remember being on my lunch hour in a grocery store in my heels and fancy suit and passing a Mom frumped out with 2 kids in a shopping cart. We passed each other and it’s like a current passed between us. She was looking at me thinking ‘I wish’ and I was looking at her thinking the same thing! There is a time and a place for everything.
Trying again…
The hair, the hair is gonna keep you off the show. Do something terrible to your hair and then you might – MIGHT – have a chance.
I’d totally love to go on that show. Except then they’d make me throw away my sweatshirt. And my Uggs. And possibly even force me to wear make-up. They show no mercy when it comes to sensory issues either.
I’m having nightmares just thinking about it. Ack!
You are a genius! Its gonna work!
You are an evil genius!!
Rock On! I love your plans!
Sounds great to me! Can you put me in your suitcase so I can meet Clinton? He’s my gay boyfriend. I don’t think he knows this, however.
Oh Heather, thank you for writing this post. Last night I just posted about my own inability to shower and get ready like I should, and I spent all night and morning debating if I should go delete it because I felt ashamed. You’ve made me feel so much better. Really.
And I’m not kidding that I have wished many, many times that someone would nominate me for that show for all of the same reasons. I’ve even thought about writing them and volunteering myself for a special episode where the budget is $500 and they could teach the world how to shop on a normal person’s budget. I bet we spend way less than $1000/year on new clothes for the whole family.
You’re welcome for my comment that turned into a separate blog post.
“I wrote this post instead.” HA! Sounds oddly familiar.
I bet that teacher in the hall sees you and wishes she was as cool as you. I’m sure of it.
All single moms are going straight to heaven, no questions asked. And the ones in sweatshirts with messy hair? Probably get the highest spot there is.
(Spoken by a fellow hall-cringer, of course…my son’s school wouldn’t recognize me without my sweats!)
I am so high fashion on the inside, it isn’t even funny. But on the outside, I am often “that mom” too. I do work a little, but I don’t have the fundage to look as cool as I’d like. I try. It’s hard. I like your plan better.
My daughter so thinks I need that show. I like my sweats and baggy shirts. I am pathetic I know! LOL
My mom threatened to turn me in for these shoes that she hated that I wouldn’t part with. I secretly wish she would have. I need some new clothes! And I need someone good at that sorta thing to help me pick them out! I need help! I’m so with you. Good luck!
An excellent plan. Will you tell them you can’t possibly go without me? They could get a two-fer. And boy, do I need it!
I’m THAT Mom too, although I’m not convinced that you actually are. You always look great when I “see” you!
I’ll nominate you and you can nominate me. Deal?
I’ve been reading this blog that has a fashion tip for moms every day and I LOVE it. Helps me feel less nerdy.
Shut up!
I always wonder how those women do it…the ones who look fabulous when they go grocery shopping or work out at the gym. I am not one of them.
And I like your plan. We have a friend who would have been a PERFECT candidate for Queer Eye. Nothing wrong with him, just too much conservative guy style. And he would have loved it. All of the new clothes, the redecorated house…
The problem with makeovers is that you have to be okay with them make you look extra bad for your before pictures. I just have a little too much pride for that.
aww man… LOVE that show. my hubster and i watch it when he's home for lunch. hmm, tv instead of *blink, blink*…yea we're real romantic. anyways, i would love all the new clothes but if stacy/clinton touched me like they does some of those women…you know…under the boobie, round the tummy…talking about accentuating..FORGET IT! we love to watch it for the new hair & makeup.
“like they DOES”…yea, i’m great in the grammar department!
So here’s the super sad thing. I look like that most of the time. And I teach full time. Meaning that I’m under-dressed, under-professional, etc. Can I be on the show too???
Honestly, I don’t know how you moms function in the snow. Everything you mentioned is hard enough (and so real) but you left the snow totally out of it. Snow is cold! And hard to drive in! And I love how it looks but I have enough trouble getting Little Guy dropped off in front of the school (b/c I haven’t showered and am in my P.J.s AND my glasses)without dealing with snow boots and mittens and all that rot. The Middle Child walks, thank goodness, and thank goodness there is no snow to prevent her from doing so. My husband teaches elementary and says all the moms are the same–hat over the hair to hide the unwashed tresses, sweats, etc. Your son’s teacher is being paid to be there on time and nicely dressed. Maybe she would much rather be schlepping it in her sweats with Miles and Asher. (If this sounds like a lecture, it’s not. Sorry if it does).
hate to tell you this Heather, but I already tried this plan and it didn’t work!!! :)
Having kids grow up a bit and having more time for me….did work! hang in there!
That plan is SO genius that I have even thought of it before!!! I would LOVE to be on that show!
I will totally nominate you if you will nominate me :)
Genius.
I heart Stacy and Clinton.
so funny! You know I dream of being on that show too? That looks like so much fun! Except the Staci part…she’s kind of, not nice, sometimes:(
For 5 grand I think I could endure it!
Good luck with that!
p.s. if you make the show and get famous don’t forget all your little blogger friends!!!
LOL! I saw your comment on Twitter and had to come read this. Can you imagine???? $5000 and NYC? How awesome would that be?? I saw an epidsode once where the client had CUSTOM MADE JEANS! OMGOSH! Can you imagine????
Good luck!
Oh my gosh! Just today I was thinking, maybe I’ll go ahead and get good and fat. Then I can be on the Biggest Loser. And then I’d have a trainer to whip my sorry butt into gear. It’s genius! Plus, just think of all the chocolate malts I’d get to drink on the way there…
I dream all the time that someone will nominate me for that show.
‘Cept I think I’d rather spend the five grand at Kohls instead of New York. Is that bad?
I’d be afraid that the things they throw away would be some of my favorite things that I wouldn’t want to part with, and then I’d be really really angry with them. LOL I can go nominate you if you like….LOL Just holler!
I wish someone would put me on that show too…three kids in three years…now all of my regular clothes are hopelessly out of style!
Bah! Stacie and Clinton not welcome. I am not that teacher at ALL, not even on the inside. I am the Mom in comfortable shoes. Period. End of my life as woman (just a plain old mom).
I’m glad I’m not the only one… :)
Absolute genius!!
I’ve been waiting for years for someone to nominate me.
Hasn’t happened yet, though someone did threaten to once.
Rats. In the meantime, I’m totally following your advice
I seriously LOVE that show!! And I see people all the time that I think “Someone needs to nominate you, badly.” Like the woman with the three sizes to big Mickey Mouse, plaid sweatshirt, with the faded to gray
stirrup pants complete with wooly socks and burkenstocks…
Please tell me you’re not that bad, please tell me!
And I hope to see you on TLC soon! ;)
Send me a frumpy pic or two and I’ll nominate you! :)
You totally stole my idea!
:)
Funny Friday sent me here.
I’m so glad you’re “THAT” woman, because I am too. I like you even more now. :D
I would KILL to be on that show. Ok, maybe not kill. How about a good hard pinching? Emotionally scar, perhaps?
But I keep telling Hubby I can’t be on it until I lose the baby weight. The baby is almost 2 and we may eventually have another, so I’m hoping they’re still on in 2011…
Ok, 2012. Let’s be real, here.
I love the plan!
Once again, you rock!
Who wouldn’t love to get that shopping spree? I just don’t think I could get through it without crying at all of their insults! I would just have to keep focusing on “Visa card with your name on it.”
I had the same plan once upon a time. Was totally foiled by the fact that I live in the wrong COUNTRY. Grrr.
LOL! I have had that same What Not to Wear fantasy :)
Thank you for the kind and encouraging comment you left on my blog. You’re too sweet. xoxo.
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