Posted on Saturday~February 7, 2009
I sat on the floor next to the open dresser drawer, trying to match socks to no avail.
“I think I’m actually really totally and completely losing my mind,” I said.
Ryan calmly responded from the next room, “What’s going on? Are you losing your mind over socks?”
“No. I don’t mind the socks today….But our life is so busy and hectic and it’s been so stressful, all this medical stuff with Asher, and how we have no time for each other, and you travel for work… and even though I know all of that…I still want to have another baby.”
(He bursts out laughing.)
(I do too.)
I still can’t find any matches for the socks, so I just sit there and look at the drawer full of small things, and I talk about how having kids just keeps getting better. I fall more and more in love with these boys every day. I tell Ryan I really want to meet another “you-me.”
(He doesn’t burst out laughing.)
(Neither do I.)
No matter how physically exhausting this season of parenting is, and no matter how hard parenting can and always will be, I still want that baby.
It’s already going so fast.
I almost really did lose my mind as I said out loud, “In just over a year, Miles will be in kindergarten. Didn’t we just have him?”
“And to think I thought this was all about socks,” he says. And we laugh again.
In so many ways I feel like I haven’t even adjusted to having one child, even though I’ve had over three and a half years to get used to it. But as I adjust to the demands and overwhelming feelings, I see the beautiful thing that motherhood brings. This self-sacrificing kind of love is good for the selfish. I like myself more as a mother because it’s forcing me to grow up. I’m finding I rather like being a grown up, even though I’ve fought it all these years.
And I know that the only reasons I wouldn’t want another baby is because I want to get some sleep, I want to have some more time for me, and I want to limit stretching myself this much to only two human beings. Those are the only reasons. And maybe it’s just me and that’s fine, but I don’t think those are good reasons.
Or this?
Or more faces to make silly with?
(you said you wanted to see the apron.I delivered.)
Or another buddy for these goofs?
———
(Today is a day to celebrate life. Tuesday’s life. So come along and honor Tuesday. Clickety click the Wagie Ride button on the sidebar.)
{ 38 comments }
I’m with ya, girl. I’m with ya.
I told Steph at Diapers and Divinity that my desire to have a baby rests on what she posts that day. I think I can say the same for yours.
Today, it’s good.
bwaaaa. i had that itching at a certain time when my boys were at a certain age. the control freak in me felt like if we were to have another one, it needed to be “now”. that time came and went. there are days i sigh a deep sigh at only having 2 boys and other days i feel good about our decision. and you know what? i bet when i’m 60, i’ll still be having this conversation with myself. should we have had one more?
children are a blessing…more and more of them! someday, my hopes are to do foster care or adopt. if that’s what God (and my husband ☺) wants. we shall see. but for now, i’m completely in love with being a mommy to these 2 beautiful, wonderful boys.
can’t wait to hear how this topic continues for you and your sweet family!
ooooo be prepared. As soon as I would say it out loud I couldn’t stop thinking about that next baby! They make us feel so good, don’t they? No matter what it takes to get them here or to keep them here. It’s all part of the plan for our happiness!
I went to the Tuesday site and I just had to come back. I am selfish. I would so much rather think about you with a little girl than Tuesday’s mom (and dad and brother’s and twin sister) without her. You have it so exactly right, Heather. You’re ready.
My (ex)wife. K, was commenting on how unruly our then 2 year old was. My grandmother advised her that a second child would calm the first child. We had a second child (not based on this advice alone.) Some time later K was commenting on how much of a handful the two girls were. My grandmother advised that a third child would calm the other two.
“Really?” K asks.
I tell K to ask Granny how many children she had.
“One.”
(We still had the third girl.)
They are 29, 25, and 21 now. We are still hoping they will calm down eventually.
This is neither to advise for or against your decision to have or have not. Your wonderful post reminded me of those moments with my granny.
I wonder why most guys don’t get that “itch.” I’ve had it since Anja turned one, but Husband, he’s A-OK with waiting forever, it seems.
If I had your boys, I would surely want another–they are very charming.
I do the same thing. One day I want another, and the next I’m done…thus the reason I can’t trust myself…even I have no idea what I really want :)
I love the apron! And your teeth are so straight and pretty!
And I feel the same way you do. Probably every other day. Then on the off days, I just want more sleep.
I want another baby all the time…except when I am looking at all those baby socks :)
Cute post. Children are a blessing. I keep adding to the number of how many I want :)
My hubby was the first on with the “itch” again. I fought him for 5 years. Now that I’ve given in, I find that I’m a bad hen. But the trying is lots of fun ;)
Beautiful pictures! Beautiful kids. Why wouldn’t you want another one of those? (Just to say, “Yeah I MADE that.”
The heart strings pull both ways for me on this topic. You’re no dummy, though, and I know you’ll both make a choice you’re at peace with. (I TOLD you you have a good heart.)
Oh goodness I do too.
I feel ri.dic.u.lous on those crazy days where I am just about pulling out my hair and feel in over my head – then pause to say “Oh, I want another baby!”. Dave looks at me with those confused dazed eyes that say “I will never understand this woman in my house”. But he often benefits from these strange thoughts.
I used to tell my B all the time, “Our children are so wonderful, why would we NOT populate the world with more?” When he’d balk at another, I’d tell him, “We’ll never say ‘I wish I hadn’t had that one.’ But we might say, ‘I wish I had had another one.'” So we decided we’d have them until we were given peace in the sense of “we are done.”
When I was diagnosed with my breast cancer and told “Don’t have any more babies” my heart about exploded, and there are days when the ache for another feels suffocating. Then I realize how I am so, so blessed with the ones God has given me, and this was the way God let me know we were done.
Now if I get a baby ache, I go kiss on my friends’ babies and “mother” them a little bit. That’s one of the beauties of friendship.
Okay… I’m done. Love your post today. It’s so sweet. Motherhood really is a beautiful, wonderful blessing, isn’t it?
Praying for Tuesday’s family today and every day.
For some reason this really made me want to cry. I watched a show the other night where a girl had no desire whatsoever for kids… and I felt so sad because I LOVE being a mom. I still like my ME time, but nothing is better than the joy kids bring.
I often feel this way about cats. :-)
Wow!! BHB reeaaallly looks like Ryan in that first picture – just slap some glasses on him and sit him at the poker table! :)~
p.s. If you have another baby, I will pee myself. . . no really – I will. . . right in my pants . . . if I’m wearing them . . .
xo, crock
I’m getting the itch as well. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I made my husband get a vasectomy because I feared that in a moment of weakness I would decide to have another one. And my body just can’t take it any more:( But I love me some babies!
Heather, I remember feeling the same way. In the hospital after having #2, I said, “I want one more.” After pushing out #3, I screamed (for the whole delivery room to hear) “I am done! FOREVER!” This is true. Keep listening to your heart.
I never, ever thought I’d have more than two kids, but I felt the same way you do when I was folding up those baby clothes and just not ready to give them away. I knew we’d use them again someday. Then we had my girl, and the hand-me-downs weren’t used, and she was wonderful and charming but I was TOTALLY ready to chuck the baby stuff almost before she outgrew them. With my luck we’ll have an immaculate conception and start all over. Funny how your gut just knows! Trust it.
Well then for heavens sake —get busy, have another baby. I had 5…I survived and remained sane, (well, maybe if you’ve read my blog, you would think otherwise) I miss it when my kids were little. I miss tucking them into bed, helping them with their prayers, hearing the funny little things they say. But now they keep me busy with 10 grandkids, so be careful when you say “I want another baby” ….or just don’t sort socks anymore.
Oh, I soooooo want another one! Our process with adoption seems so much more daunting than anything and who would pick a family that already has two kids? Oh, I hope I hope I hope I hope someday all of our dreams come true! :0)
I burst out laughing with you two. You did lose your mind…but it might be the right type of loss for you. :) You are good at that unselfish stuff. Me? I’m just good with sorting socks.
What a great post. I love being a mom…Even though I am the one who is supposed to be teaching my daughter I feel like she is teaching me. Everyday I learn lessons about love and sacrifice and utter devotion and I am so thankful for it. I’m not sure if I want another baby, but I’m not sure I don’t want another baby. I guess only time will tell…for you, and me.
Yep, I have felt that way each time I’ve gotten pregnant. I just knew that there was another little person waiting to come to our family.
It is an amazing and exhausting season we are in isn’t it? And such a struggle to not be selfish and put ourselves aside for our children.
If you aren’t sure you want a baby, just come to my blog and look at pictures of my sweet Libby. She is the sweetest thing ever.
Your boys are so cute, they need another one to play with!
Hope you’re pregger for Blogher this summer!!!
I feel so exactly the same way. Like I haven’t caught up with life as it stands, nevermind what adding another child would involve adjustment wise. But the yearning is there. There’s so much joy to be found amidst the exhaustion, and on the days when the joy tips the scales, naturally we want more of it!
What a sweet post. You are amazing. Even with your struggles over the last year+ with a baby in pain and all that means for the mom you are still ready to do it again.
All three of our kids have been really easy and calm and I sometimes really want to have 5, but I am afraid I would go a little crazy. Both Greg and I feel that there is at least one more coming to us, though. . .
What a great blog you have here :)
Oh, the great debate. At least it is in my house…two or three, two or three? I am not sure.
Here is my proposal: You get pregnant asap and then let me read about your experiences being pregnant and during the first three months after the baby is born on your blog. Once I have a chance to evaluate the situation in detail, I can make my decision.
If you could do this pretty quick for me, that would be great. Thanks!
-Francesca
I had that nagging “unfinished” feeling until I had my fourth. Then I had a glorious “all done” feeling.
It truly is the more, the merrier (and messier). I remember sobbing when I got pregnant with #5, because all I could think was now it would be at least 3 more years until I could just lie in bed when sick. But you know what? That hasn’t mattered much. Also, the other kids keep getting older, so nothing is as hard as those first 2 when they are little.
Babies are always, always wonderful. And good for their older siblings…
I thought I did.I really did. Then I didn’t. The pendulum swings for me.I believe it may have stopped.
Heather, I say dump all the un-pairable socks, buy new ones, and have another baby until you feel that your family is complete. I was not able to have anymore for medical reasons, but I felt complete, and I think that’s the important part,just knowing that THEY—(all those you’re meant to love in this life)—are with you.
Uh oh… I have a feeling my ovaries will begin talking to me like this soon.
I do like how much more I’ve enjoyed motherhood the second time around… being that much more relaxed and I wonder if it would be even better with another baby. Or would I split right apart being pulled in so many directions?
Hubby says we’re done… so I guess I won’t ever get to find out.
Your boys are squishably, huggably too cute!
I STILL feel like that sometimes. I love that moment when it feels right, the anticipation, the very idea of a newborn in the house is beyond wonderful. I wish you all the best.
How crazy! Me and my husband were just talking about having another baby last week. I used to think 1 was enough for me but I think 1 more wouldn’t hurt anything. My baby will be going to 1st grade next year!! OMG!!
BTW, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the apron. It’s so cute. You are so sweet for posting it (without the bed head of course). Now, how do I go about getting a cute one like yours. I wonder if I would feel like a good mom if I just wore one around the house…you know while watching tv, not cleaning! :o)
How did you get inside my brain, Heather? I was just telling Jefe the other day that I wanted another baby. Every time I look at Moxie I want another baby.
Besides, when we’re old and done with life what else is there other than our children and grandchildren??
I hear ya!!
Comments on this entry are closed.