Ask for help. She said, But how? How do you do that? It’s not supposed to be comfortable, you have to be in the discomfort. Let it be uncomfortable. Hi, how are you? Can you help me? Ask that person, the one who loves you so much and so purely that helping you is just fine with them or even better than fine. Like going to a movie or watching fireworks. That’s how people feel about it, you know. They like helping. It’s not pretend and they aren’t lying. Except those that are and if they’ve tricked you before and taken it back or acted put out, they were wrong and you were not. You were strong because it’s weak to carry it all alone. Sorry, but it is. It’s also weak to pretend you like helping if you don’t. I’m not sorry for saying that. We all need to remember that. Me […]
Maybe you love funny and irreverent with a tender dose of mother-love. Or maybe you like poetry and stories that’ll make your heart all swell-y. Maybe you want to learn something, about motherhood and writing or how to chase dreams while being home with a baby. Whatever you love to read, I’m sure you love relatable and real…so here you go, mama friends. All different books by all different mothers for all different mothers… Fellow Austinite and successful creator behind glamajama, Heather Schuck is honest about the inevitable imbalance that is motherhood and work. What needs to give? How do you go about painting your life on YOUR canvas, the way you’d love to live it? Heather answers these questions and so much more in her vulnerable and inspiring book, The Working Mom’s Manifesto: My friend Robin O’Bryant is the most honest mother you can find, most likely. She’ll tell you […]
Now I can say I’ve been to Kentucky. I was a first-timer. I can also say Louisville without pronouncing a big E in the middle while also pretending I have a mouthful of marbles or bubble gum. My friend Holli says it would be spelled like this – Luavul (but don’t forget the mouthful). I have been practicing hard. I’m getting very close to letting go and garbling. We Minnaaahhhsoooohhhtaaahns are not terribly good at leaving out vowels…or consonants for that matter. Anyway, ya’ll. I had a fantastic time in Kentucky. I met lovely people. I spent time with Ellie and Holli. I sat under the stars on a perfect Kentucky summer night in an amphitheater while Brandi Carlile completely astounded me with her talents and the talents of her band. I had no idea. I screamed SHE SINGS THIS??? like three times during the concert because when I have heard her […]
Tomorrow morning I’ll be boarding a flight to Kentucky. I’ve never been to Kentucky, so not only do I get to add another thumb tack to the map of my life’s travels, but I also get to speak with Ellie. We’ve each done a lot of speaking, in different capacities and venues. This particular keynote is something new. We’ve created something dynamic, something soulful and maybe sometimes funny. We’re going to do some skits, tell some stories and read some posts. We’re going to talk to the people that have come to hear us and ask them questions and then listen like they’re the best movie we’ve ever seen…because we all are! We’re story people. Ellie and I so badly want our words to be worth the time of the people that have paid to join us and we’re believing that if we get out of the way, that will happen. Our friend […]
The dresses really do make me swoon and I don’t really swoon over a lot of things. Except my kids and their eyes and hair and the way they smell. SWOONABLE sniffy goodness. But I digress… Katie Hanson is the owner and creator of the handmade goodness that is The Crafty Chic. I’m lucky enough to live very near her, so I went to see her (and her gorgeous smile–seriously best smile ever) at the Farmer’s Market on Saturday and ended up coming home with this dress for Elsie Jane: I bet you had no idea that fabric owls could scream, WE BELONG TO EJ! but they do! Oh how I love the fabrics that Katie chooses when she sits down to sew. Aside from the beautiful little dresses, Katie has Nook/Kindle cases, smart phone cases, headbands, skirts, camera strap covers and MORE: and now Katie is doing us a solid […]
One of my best friends and her husband had kids a few years before we did. I’ve had the honor of witnessing her bring up her children in a way that…well, it floors me. She’s a really really good mom. She’s that person I call when I just don’t know how to handle something. I ask her what she did, or what she would do if this or that was her child. I often joke that I’ve decided I’m just always going to do whatever she does, because that’s how much I respect her wisdom and grace in motherhood. Her name is Katie and whenever she talks about raising her kids, I pay very close attention. When Miles and Asher were babies, I was over at this Katie’s house and noticed six little tin buckets sitting along a shelf. Each one had a different word painted on it: Save, Spend, Give. And then […]
I love that game. I mean, you get to share two unique things about yourself and also make something up just for fun while coming clean within minutes. Then you get to hear interesting facts and silly made-up things about your friends and family while trying to guess which one isn’t real. It makes people rightfully angry and sad when bloggers play this game (or something more like 3 Lies And No Truths) without letting anyone else know the game is on. We feel duped, stunned, confused and pissed off when the truth inevitably comes out. Of course we do. Drama void of truth and bearing no common sense brings on strong feelings. Online, people have famously hidden behind screens and typed themselves into characters living something Other–the faked death of a baby that never was, too many pretend cancer stories to count and a million other Lies big and small, from letters […]
(photo courtesy of google) My friend Sarah and I (so) often talk about missing quiet. About how we probably stay up too late at night because we’re so hungry for the quiet that’s only there, after all the little human noise boxes are sound asleep and the computer and TV are off. Who am I there? In the quiet moments? I just asked me that this morning because I had a few awake moments in bed before I could hear the bang and crash of fresh morning boys. I don’t know that I’ve lost myself in motherhood, like they say not to do, or if motherhood has stolen me. Or if I am motherhood. And really, is that so bad? Maybe it’s only bad if when given the chance I can’t remember me at all, and even then maybe it’s not my fault. Maybe it’s just because there’s been so little quiet or […]
Happy Friday to you. My friend Teri is such a lovely person. When we get on the phone, I feel…comforted. We talk a long time and say more than people usually say and it’s comfortable because she’s unconditional. I just wanted you to know that. On Fridays, Teri has Favorite Quote Fridays on her site Keeping It Personal. She asked me to share one of my favorite quotes this week over there and I was so honored. You can head over to Keeping It Personal to read my quote and why I chose it–how it’s the one that encompasses so much of how I want to live. (Rilke will do that.) What’s one of your favorite quotes? And why do you love it? You guys, this is Teri’s book, Overcoming the Nevers and I’m reading it right now. So many times I’ve thought about how the 12 steps could help so many […]
The parenting books don’t detail things that can’t be explained. Like the emotions you go through with a premature delivery and hour after hour in the NICU and then hours pacing around the dining room table with a crying infant. “…I passed the weeks in an exhausted daze, unable to get my mind around the ways my life had changed. And for the first time in my life, I felt desperate for words, for some way to express the changes I was undergoing as an isolated new mother.” ~Kate Hopper “Through my blog and teaching I discovered exactly what I expected: women–mothers–crafting memoirs and essays dealing with issues of identity, loss and longing, neurosis and fear, ambivalence and joy. I found stories about transformation and how the authors see themselves in relation to the world in which they live. Last time I checked, this was the stuff of which real literature was made.” […]
The weekends have been rolling through with paintbrush strokes lately. There have been many more bright yellows and reds where there had been a lot of darker things, like depression and colic. We are moving now, wheels turning down the road to places with familiar faces and isn’t it silly that I started to wonder if that would ever happen again? If we would always stand still? You do, you know? You start to believe that “it will always be this way” whatever that way is, but it never stays. We have that one constant, in counting on change. You would think I’d be sure of it by now but I still get scared sometimes when things are hard. I get scared they will only stay hard or get harder. But this weekend Miles had a play date and there was a pizza fundraiser and a huge indoor garage sale where I got […]
I have some really good news. My friend Ellie got her pathology report back on Friday and she’s in remission! Cancer freeeeeee! Of course, she’ll be watched closely in the coming months and years, but after the surgery to remove the rest of her tumor and surrounding lymph nodes, she got nothing but GOOD NEWS. Good news is so good. Ellie and I have some other exciting news to share (coming soon) but for now, because of that news, I’m curious about where you are. Where do you do life? Here in Minnesota? Over by Ellie in Massachusetts? In England? The moon? Kentucky? Indiana? Could you leave me a comment that tells me what country or city and/or state you live in? (I promise I’m not trying to trick you into becoming someone that I follow around with binoculars.) If you normally don’t comment, it’s very easy. Let me tell you how: you […]
Today I said, Note to life: I’m done with this week early. Thanks for having me! Life isn’t a very good listener. Apparently we’re supposed to learn from it more than it learns from us. Buh. Nothing is really bad or anything, it’s just exhausting. The travels-for-work husband is traveling and Asher has hit a phase in which he is terribly NOT okay with having a traveling dad. I can’t figure out if it helps or hurts to talk to Daddy on the phone. I’m guessing he’d just be really sad either way. The bright side is that the way Asher’s heart is hurting is evidence of a really strong connection with his Dad. I love that. Today has gone something like go go go go go go go goooooooooooo…. breathe. go go go go go go go goooooooooooooooooo…. gasp. go go gogogogogoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo… fall over. get up. GO. Then it momentarily stopped because […]
I avoided discomfort for most of my life. Now I’m learning to sit in it–to walk through it, not around it–but I still had the idea that discomfort would only come in waves. Ebb and flow. Easy then hard, then easy then hard. Like life was like a carousel moving slowly with the scenery changing from good to bad. It seemed like people take their turns, you know? That their seasons are marked with Joy or Pain, one or the other. It looks like that, when you’re a child because you hear about the Big Things but adults don’t really talk to you about all the constants. And it looks like that as an adult because we compare a lot and comparing makes everything seem big and black and white and one way or the other. I’m finally learning, since I can’t escape it anymore, that discomfort is there all the time. Of […]
::::: “Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh?” he whispered. “Yes, Piglet?” “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s hand. “I just wanted to be sure of you.” ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh ::::: I miss Ellie. I want to rent an RV and travel to her. I want to pick up our friends and get off the RV like we’re Ty Pennington. I want to pull up to Ellie’s house and jump out the door of the RV and yell in that air horn (is that what it’s called?) GOOOOOD MORNING, ELLIIIIIIE!!!! And then stampede to her and hold her hand. That’s my wish these days and I can be found standing in the kitchen staring off into space while I pretend. I’m a kid when it comes to daydreaming and Winnie the Pooh. Happy weekend, friends. {a big thank you to the lovely Karla of There’s Beauty in the Chaos for the quote} […]
I was talking to my friend Ann and she described the boost we get from creativity and connecting as a spiritual airlift and I was all, YES. That’s the best thing to say and yes. Then one night I was mixing baby cereal and Elsie didn’t think I was doing it fast enough, and with her teething fuss fussing she was MAD. So while I stirred I started lip-syncing and dancing to the music that was playing in the kitchen. She stopped crying and started watching, wide-eyed and smiling. I said to myself, Ellie would love this, because I think about Ellie and her struggle with cancer all the time. I think about how she’s too far away. And I know how much she loves it when I do weird things, so I knew that if she was there in the kitchen, she’d be dancing and laughing with us. Ellie and Elsie have […]
Did you know anxiety can be like an unwanted house guest? The kind that completely randomly shows up and doesn’t even really have a reason and then does things to hurt you? And you can stand there and wonder, Why did I feel so good yesterday or one hour ago and now this? It seems to hit me during down times, when it doesn’t make a lot of sense. Maybe it’s a build up from all the stressful moments and then POW! This uninvited guest seems to only get the hint to leave in two ways (No, one of them is not Xanax. I wish.) (Read: I am an addict and would probably eat Xanax like I do marshmallow Peeps so I can’t have any.) (Because I eat A LOT of marshmallow Peeps.) (Hello! Sugar addiction!) Anyway. #1 – HUMOR #2 – GRATITUDE I know. I know. If you struggle with anxiety/depression too, […]
I told you, you can have all of mine until I’m emptied out just a shell of me on the floor someone else will pick me up fill me up empty themselves to a puddle on the floor and so it goes 6…7? billion people on the planet what else are we to do but fill each other up off the floor He said, this morning you have such a great capacity for this kind of thing and you know what? I do. I have learned to love because of people like you and there is nothing I’d rather do. I will fight with you and for you when you can’t and I will bury my face in my life while you do the same in yours, moment by exuisitely painful and beautiful moment. I will sit with my knees bent and burning into the ground and pour out fear and turn it into […]
We were getting so much support and love through facebook and twitter last night and the whole time I felt weird that I wasn’t saying what happened exactly. Here was Miles, all cut up and head-bonked and not moving his arm and I couldn’t say why because I don’t want to hurt the person that was with him. It was an accident. They were on a four wheeler and I know that’s not okay. I should have said “my kids can never go on the four wheeler even if I know you’ll be so slow and careful.” But I didn’t. I wasn’t there, but I never said don’t ever do that. We all knew in our heart-guts that it wasn’t the safest thing but you want to make the kids happy with a short and slow ride, you know? So here is another lesson in listening to ourselves. They weren’t even moving. They […]
It was a red scooter sort of thing. A motorized two-wheeled zippy little thing. They were called Sprees and they were all the rage. Especially if they were red. We were standing in front of the high school and for some reason he told me I could drive it. I think I’d driven one before, but by myself. This time, my friend Angie hopped on the back and all I remember is that it was harder to steer. But the high school had a circular drive and the first thing I had to do was round a sharp corner. It didn’t take but seconds and we were down, turned sideways and under the scooter in the drive’s edge, little pebbles bouncing away. She said, Why didn’t you stop? She was in so much pain and she was angry and shocked. I had no idea how to answer her. For some reason, when I […]
This is the beautiful Casey Mullins…(I stole this picture from her beautiful blog, Moosh in Indy) This is Casey’s beautiful daughter (and this is also an example of Casey’s beautiful photography)… (yes, I also stole this picture.) Casey is having another beautiful daughter (currently known as Mozzi) in May and so today I want to do something special for her as a part of the Mozzi event being brought to you by Casey’s lovely friend, Emily. Today is my day to honor Casey as a part of this event and I’d love it if you would keep reading because I need your help. Please… The first time I got to spend time with Casey in person we spoke on a panel together (while we ate Skittles). I loved her a lot right away and I always will. We talked to a room full of people about writing about hard things like depression and […]
I got home from Nashville last night wiped out and ready-ready-ready to sit with my boys. We read books and talked about the last few days and we watched some sort of superhero dog movie. We were so happy to see each other, and I swear to you, they aged a year while I was gone. Thicker and longer and deeper and wiser. It’s insane. Later, after the boys were in bed, Ryan said, I still don’t know how you guys did that. He was referring to a story I told him the night before. I said that what we had done makes perfect sense to me–that Katherine and Ellie and I would have such a day with such an ending on our final day together in Nashville. I mean, we attended a conference with approximately 600-something other women, and as much fun as that is, it’s also exhausting. It does things to […]
We talk of old things and new things and I’m caught in between with a thousand thoughts and feelings tight in my throat. I feel it all, every memory with their aches and their releasing and then I see the depth and grace of what is happening now. Our bowls are piled high with noodles and vegetables that make a rainbow and it’s all covered over with a sauce that fills every space and covers every color, and we are thick with words and time and now. Two babies are coming and we have babies at home that are kids. We have years with husbands and more years of knowing each other and we watch the history of it all flashing across the table in exchange when we’re together. It seems that’s what happens for me anyway, when I sit with people I’ve always known. It triggers the long long ago past and […]
Yesterday it snowed and snowed. So much snow. I shoveled our driveway because the snow is just fluff and I’m a strong pregnant lady. I shoveled again later so Ryan would be able to get in the driveway after work. I swear the snow plows push more snow from the street to the end of our driveway than all the other houses in the world. I’m sure of it. So then I was tired. After my first round of shoveling the boys wanted to make cookies so we got out all the ingredients and then we needed the butter to soften to room temperature. Both of them knew what that meant and I was surprised. So I lay down on my side on my bed and was glad for the butter excuse. Asher found me within 30 seconds and he walked up to the end of the bed and said, Hi Mommyyyy in […]
I love that perfect little looped curly tippy-top of a soft serve ice cream cone.Sometimes it’s even kind of hard to eat it, so I usually leave it for last.Then it can be pretty for as long as possible. I also love this picture: I love those what are we doing here careful and thoughtful looksand I love the way that Miles wanted to go home after five houses of trick or treatingbecause he thought that was quite enough candy ? I love it that sometimes, when my mom comes over,she brings her own vacuumbecause mine sucks…or does not suck, I should say. I love the way my friends in recovery know what I mean without too much explanation but let me give too much explanation anyway, just to let me get it out. I love that my dad showed up and rescued us one day by finding where that dead-something smell was […]
I like to just say it like it is. So here’s the dealio. Word on the social media street is that the Creative Alliance event was thought to be some kind of elitist thing. There was an impression that there were secret invitations sent out and that everything about it was exclusive and somehow fancy. That’s okay. Those are the misconceptions that happen all the time with this kind of thing or that kind of thing or all things. In reality, this event was more of an experiment than anything else and therefore it was casual and profoundly simple in the best kind of organic-focus-on-what-matters kind of way. As a member of the team that was involved in making it happen (I take only a very very small bit of credit for that), I can admit that none of us really knew anything except that we trust Lee and her vision and her […]
Sabrina and Kelly Last weekend I got to hang out with Sabrina and Kelly, two friends I don’t get to see enough now that we moved. I miss these girls. They are each so freaking fantastic in every way, they truly are. Every day I’m just in awe of the women in my life. Just saying. We went to a local art fair and snatched up some handmade goodies. And some mini donuts. I took just this one photo and then my camera battery said zzzzzz. Sometimes my camera is so lazy. Anyway. I’m leaving tomorrow morning, bright and early, for my trip to North Carolina to speak on a panel at the Type A Mom Conference. I need to do laundry and pack and do a whole lot of other Very Important life things like paperwork and the paying of the bills. I was aware of this to-do list both Monday and […]
The point here is to see the beauty in the everyday monotonous things of miraculous significance. I want to highlight those things here, in this space made for me and for you with pictures and words. I need to highlight the beautiful things here. Then at the same time I spill all my angst here because even the pain is somehow mysteriously beautiful. I always hope my heart-words run across your screens and then they travel through you and remind you that your thoughts aren’t lonely and neither are your feelings, no matter what they are. Sometimes it’s really hard to see the beauty through all the pain, isn’t it?Sometimes we’re just holding on and there’s nothing left, no eyes to see because the world or life has shut those eyelids like the slam of an angry door. My whole life, I’ve felt the emotions of others intensely. The shock waves of sorrow […]
and let’s not forget Maggie, who quit drinking the same day I did… So yeah. Yesterday I went on and on about some pretty ridiculous behavior I experienced on my trip, or heard about, or saw…but it’s over now and I’m letting it go, just.so.you.know. What I’m choosing to focus on coming away from the conference and the overall time in New York City is the deepening friendships with some amazing women I would not know without blogging. And also writing a book. I’m also trying to focus on that. But for now I want to share a couple of things I really think you might love to read: I often tell people that this blogging kinship thing feels like Meryl Streep’s (character’s) relationship with her pen pal in Julie and Julia. Through most of the movie you get the impression that this is a best kind of friendship, and then it’s revealed […]
{This post is sprinkled with photos of women who are The Real Deal. Just so you know. Links to them are at the end of the post.} All around the bloggiverse, posts are being written about BlogHer ’10. Posts that are filled with excitement and joy and fear and disappointment. Posts that are filled with feelings. loads of feelings. If I’m being honest, I’m hesitant to raise and add my voice to this current choir. Maybe because I’m afraid it won’t be heard and I want to believe it matters. Or maybe because I know many of my readers aren’t bloggers so blogging about a blogging conference and all of its strange nuances would, for them, be too foreign to understand. I don’t know. I guess I’m posting this because what I have to say is universal, and maybe it’ll shed some light on what is currently a mostly unknown subculture of good […]
