Wednesday~September 23, 2009 There are dust bunnies. So many. They are under the bed and in me, scurrying across the wooden floors of my home and my heart. They are moving much too fast through the empty, bumping into toys and crayons and dried up play-doh, then coming to a weary stop. It seems no matter how we try to keep up with them, they are winning. So we sweep up only the ones that are out in the open and then we leave the house, coming and going with the living of everyday life. We could hold them out in the palms of our hands to show that we have them, but the bunnies float and they spin and we can’t seem to catch them. We push them under the rugs to hold them still. We ignore them. We force them to unnoticed parts of our cluttered minds, and move on to […]
Friday~August 28, 2009 In an effort to give my husband just the right gift for our anniversary, I went to the store to pick up everything I would need for cupcakes. The man loves his sweets. I was checking out with my ingredients and the very young cashier said, “It looks like you’re making something.” So I told her that I was making cupcakes and she asked if it was someone’s birthday. Very inquisitive young lady, yes? I explained that they were anniversary cupcakes and she said, “Oh, is this your first anniversary?” “No, it’s our fifth.” “Oh…were you high school sweethearts or something?” Ah, bless her curious little heart. She thinks I’m in my twenties. Maybe even my early twenties. “No, no. We were both about 30 when we got married.” Blank stare. So there you have it. She thought I was really young. Then suddenly, she thought I was really old. […]
Sunday~June 7, 2009 Before Ryan and I got married, I was told it would be nearly impossible for me to get pregnant. Obviously that doctor swallowed her words when not even a month after the marriage certificate was signed, I was pregnant. We were really glad she was wrong. So we hooked a parenting car to our marriage engine, and started the best kind of train ride. One filled with mystery and beautiful surprises, never knowing exactly where we were going. Yesterday we boarded an actual-non-metaphorical-real-life train, and witnessed a wedding while the train creaked along the tracks. After the bride was kissed and the applause filled the car, we hugged the happy couple and I joked that it was time for us to leave. Of course that was entirely impossible, unless we were going to jump from the moving train, into the woods, and then walk a few miles to our car. […]
Posted on Sunday~ March 15, 2009 Marriage. gentle and kind patient and selfless, Wild like Spring passionate like Summer. Autumn. the cold rolls in Dormant. Still. Winter arrives Sometimes. hard dull gone not laughing not connecting Fear in the cold of Winter. Remember us? A little. We move and work and clean and raise. Life is busyfull. There is illness loss indifference comparison guilt But we’ll stay herein lovein hope and wait for Spring. Spring is a choice. I’ll see you as a seedling, beautiful alive and growing beside me, taller even fuller and bursting with life. Loving a person just the way they are it’s no small thing. It takes some time to see things through. Loving me just the way I am, That’s no small thing. It takes some time. ———————– She sits and holds curled fingers, veins so visible showing their age. he’s still here and she’s still here So […]
Posted on Monday~February 16, 2009If weighing the pros and cons about moving out to “the country” were a game of tennis, my neck would surely be sore. My hometown is in “the country.” We love it there. We currently live in “the city.” We love it here. We kick around the idea of moving to the country about once a month. Being closer to my parents would be one of the pros. (And sometimes that’s one of the cons. Ha! Kidding parents, kidding.) If we never move out of the city to the town I grew up in, it’s the fault of the guys with the really long scraggly beards at the movie theater Ryan and I went to when visiting my parents this weekend. Seriously. If you’re totally drunk at 4pm, please don’t go to a matinee in a small town. There aren’t very many people to fill up the theater, so […]
Posted on Monday~January 25, 2009 I have a confession to make. Sometimes I am VERY VERY mad at my husband for working. What? It pays the bills, you say? And I get to stay at home with my two favorite small people because of that whole income thing? Yes. I suppose that’s true. But if you’re a part of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Husbands (or if your husband is gone a lot for any reason) you’ll totally understand my irrationality. Sleep deprivation, tantrums, poop and vomit, making meals and over-loads of laundry all while flying solo will sometimes make a girl totally irrational. Go figure. But today I’m not mad at my husband for working. (I have my mature days here and there.) Ryan was home for all of Saturday and Sunday (yeah, TWO whole days) and he didn’t leave until like 5:30 this morning. He’ll be gone until Friday, but I’m […]
Posted on Tuesday, January 6, 2009 If you feel that you have a problem making decisions, I want you to know there is someone out there struggling with you. A kindred spirit of indecision. He’s my husband. (I’m not talking about him behind his back. I’m talking about him behind my back. He’s behind me as I type this, doing dishes. And I told him I would be doing this post. So it’s all good, I’m allowed to talk about his indecisiveness.) Ryan’s inability to make decisions is no secret. Just ask anyone who has ever gone out to eat with him. They will tell you they waited an extra ten to twenty minutes to order because Ryan kept changing his mind. Yes, I’m a patient woman. Sometimes. Ryan confesses that he spends far too long even in candy aisles, stressing and struggling over which candy bar to get. (Yes, it’s that bad.) […]
This Thanksgiving I was struck with a startling thought. And then I even had an epiphany of sorts. I’m pretty sure it was divine intervention. I’ve noticed something through the years. It seems (and maybe this is just in my circles) that in most families, when it comes to holidays, the wives usually call the shots have the final say on where the family’s time will be spent. There’s usually that whole “compromise” thing, wherein the wife says that the holidays will be spent with her husband’s family the next year, but this often does not happen. She can’t actually bear the idea of not seeing her side of the family when push comes to shove. And husbands are usually a little more…easy-going about these things. Or maybe they’re…less emotional. (Like I said, this is not true in all cases. But it seems that it is in a lot of cases. Or maybe […]
I’ve been spinning circles all morning, doing all I can to console a miserable little Asher, cleaning up, getting Miles off to preschool, and forgetting to let the dog out. I get all worked up, frantic that I can’t ease the pain for my boy. I’m scattered with a tizzy of thoughts ranging from how many calls I’ve forgotten to make, to worries that something has gotten worse overnight with Asher’s hydrocephalus. He’s just so uncomfortable. Then Ryan makes me laugh. He has the best sense of humor, that husband of mine. He takes Asher for me as I spew something quickly about wanting to change the crib sheets. He sits with Asher in the recliner and they read the paper together. Asher starts to calm, pulling and ripping at the pages while Daddy tries to see over the noggin. I come flying back into the room with a crib sheet thrown over […]
There’s a mother in me. She’s one part of me. Sometimes I think she’s the only one in there. The wife up and left, taking the dog with her. The daughter and sister are too busy to lend support to their family. The friend is distracted, forgetting birthdays and how to return a phone call. The writer and dreamer, they’re taking naps. Other days I hit a groove and roll all of me into one. But I find it’s nearly impossible. I’m not very adept at being more than one thing at once. I get very focused, unable to flow from one thing to the next. If I’m writing, I can’t handle any kind of distractions, even though they’re ever-present, so I become terribly impatient. If I’m trying to clean or do laundry, I get upset with my husband for not reading my mind and taking over childcare. If I’m cooking dinner and […]
Ryan and I were friends for a few months before we even broached the topic of dating. We were both single for a long time before we met. I was on a three year hiatus from dating, after a number of long-term-but-didn’t-quite-work-out-let-down relationships. We were both a little afraid. Let’s just say that he was nervous, and I was nervous. We met through a mutual friend and hung out as a three-some of buddies for quite some time. After deciding that we were a little more interested in something other than a “buddy,” we timidly called each other. We slowly warmed up to the idea of asking each other on actual dates. This went on for about a month. I knew he wanted to kiss me at the end of every date, shifting from foot to foot outside my apartment door. But neither of us was immediately willing to take that risk. The […]
It seems every blog author I’ve read in the past few days has lost something. Literally. One lost her dog. Another her cat. Another lost a little faith in her readers. There must be some kind of “virus” going around because I’ve lost my share of things in the last few days too. These are things I should not lose and so I feel a bit sheepish about admitting I’m this disorganized. But I must be disorganized, because as of this morning I still was unable to locate my cell phone, my glasses, and my wedding ring. I am happy to say that two of the three have been found. I have yet to find my ring. I’m slowly starting to feel a bit of a panic coming on, but I’m trying to believe it may still show up. After all, this has happened before. I usually find it within a few days. […]
Some time ago I published a post (sounds fancy) called “15 Reasons.” Then I went on and on about the great things my husband does/is. I should do that more often. Because then he’d have an ego boost after I scold him for leaving hats on the counter all the time and having too many newspapers and driving too close to the car in front of him and not cleaning up the breakfast dishes and stepping over piles of laundry rather than picking them up….Poor guy. Just now I was thinking that he’s pretty great. Not just quirky and funny, but great. For example, this morning was a bit rough on the Miles front. We were sending him to his room to start the day over about fifty times (okay, that’s an exaggeration but I’m painting a picture here). Some days are like that, he really does “wake up on the wrong side […]
I’ve been reading a blog by a hilarious woman – http://www.hadleyesque.blogspot.com/In a recent post she told some truly funny stories about her “quirky” and “socially awkward” husband. As I read, I not only felt there was a wife out there who could totally understand me, but I also felt a bit competitive. Because if there were a quirky husband competition, I would win hands down. No offense, hadleyesque…My guy is loved by me for a thousand quirky little reasons. If not for his tendency toward strangeness, life would not be nearly as interesting. I wouldn’t have to hear the theme from Dallas (yes, he watches it on DVD) and I would never feel so close to all the weirdest hats in the world. I wouldn’t have to run and hide when he’s mowing in penny loafers either. There are a hundred more little things like this, but I’ll just share one big, happy […]
1. Because he wrinkles his nose and blows like there are birthday candles while changing poopy diapers.2. Because he ran red lights (carefully) and wouldn’t stop praying out loud when Miles had a bad reaction to being introduced to formula at four months old. This reaction caused excessive vomiting until the wee one became listless and pale. At the ER he improved and we went home, relieved and stronger than we had been before we arrived.3. Because he can act silly and play right along with any imaginary game Miles can come up with.4. Because he’s always thought Asher was just perfect, even when he screamed all the time.5. Because he gets up in the morning, every day that he’s here, to be with Miles and lets me “sleep in” a little with Asher. No questions asked, just out of the goodness of his heart.6. Because no matter what errand he needs to […]
First of all, I was looking over my last post and I thought, “gross, I sound so proud of myself…” I really didn’t intend to, that’s not how I feel, but it sounds like it. I’m all, “I used to do this and that good and wonderful thing. I was such a great person and I still am!” Puke. Sorry that you had to read that. Sometimes I think “out loud” and forget to clarify my thought process. If there really ever is a “process” for me, I’m not sure.Now moving on…I said I might write about marriedness.Let me start by saying I am slow to mature and constantly in need of adjustments. Today, with this topic, I will not go on and on with accolades about me. No way. My husband would get a good laugh if I did, but that’s not the only reason why. I guess it’s partially because I’ve […]
I think it’s working. Mind over matter, that is. Last night I woke up in the night with that “uh oh” feeling. Like when you just know it’s inevitable, the time has come, and you better get your butt to the bathroom (pun intended). Then I said, “God, I just can’t do this right now. Maybe it’s a silly miracle to ask for, but please take away this flu while I’m here alone with the boys.” I didn’t really believe that He was all that interested in my stomach, to be honest. But once again, I’m surprised by grace. I woke up this morning feeling slightly funny, but so far, no pukaroonies!My mom is currently on her way here to spend a couple of days, so I’m getting to the point now where I can stop battling what is to come. If I get sick, so be it. At least I’ll have help […]
Forget all that jazz yesterday about cinnamon muffins. I looked in the freezer later and realized my mom had left this raspberry pastry thingy here. The kind that you just leave out over night and then throw in the oven. So that’s what I did. I guess the “mommy brain” trip to the grocery store yesterday was completely for not. No, I take that back, I did get conversation hearts out of the deal, and those little hearts happen to be one of my favorite things about Valentine’s Day. Okay, maybe they are my favorite part of V-Day, but only because I’m one of “those” party poopers who doesn’t really like the forced nature of Valentine’s Day. I think it’s nice and all that my hubby comes home with flowers, but it is kind of silly if you think about it real hard. And I think about everything way too hard, so I’ve […]
So my parents are coming tonight and my mom suggested Ryan and I get out of the house for a bit. Well, Ryan doesn’t know this. I’m so excited to surprise him with a date night because as sad as it is to admit, we don’t EVER go out together alone. Okay, once for a wedding and once for our anniversary. Otherwise, if either of us goes out, we take turns so the other one can stay home with the kids. It’s not that we don’t trust anyone to watch our kids. It’s that right now is a really difficult time to watch them. Asher needs certain things in a certain way or he cries. Miles is a busy guy. So it’s A LOT to ask of someone to hold a screaming baby while trying to play with, help or chase an excitable Miles. Believe me, it’s pretty tiring. But my mom has […]
