We went to a Dairy Days event. Yes, this confirms it. We live in the country now. Farms stink. (The child would not let go of his nose-I hope he didn’t offend the cows.) Oh look. That one looks offended. Oh well…let’s just look at this guy instead… The next day, our little dude was on the front page of the local paper on this very same tractor. Now we have to fight off the paparazzi like never before. It’s kind of hard having a child star. The End. Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather
The roads are the kind that dip and swirl, pulling your stomach with them. My iPod was on shuffle and the songs matched this experience and I knew that was grace. I was keenly aware of grace. I listened to an entire audiobook about grace on my seven hour drive, and I thought, it’s everywhere I look. I can see it. This is what I mean by extraordinary. It was in the stacked green trees on the hills and on the cows in the fields, and my heart started revving up when I looked at the GPS and saw I was only a mile away. I knew I was about to see one of my life’s most treasured grace faces, smiling at me in a deeply rooted recognition of soul. I’m not making it up when I say that the sun peeked through the clouds right in that moment, and then disappeared for […]
This is Heather. She’s not naked. Her dress is strapless. But you knew that. Yes. Yet another Heather born in the 70’s. Heather is one of my dearest friends, and she was married last weekend. It was a beautiful day full of bluegrass music and sun and friends and family. I love my Heather, and have since elementary school. We’re Heather squared, or The Heathers. The day before the wedding, I happened upon a new shoppe in the small town in which we live. I opened the door with low expectations. After all, this is rural Minnesota so let’s just say the shopping is…limited. And then a miracle occurred. Well, okay. Maybe it wasn’t a miracle. I mean, I don’t even really LIKE shopping much at all. But do you wanna know what I do like? Knowing that all I have to do is go to ONE store and I will love everything […]
The last time I drove byit hurtto think back on her,on menot so long agobut so long ago I came that way againturning my eyes to the laketo see the changesthe new housesthe remodelsthe spaces wherecabins once stood In came a hundredmemoriesof a twenty-somethingparty girlwho lived on the great wide andgreen lake What would she ask me?I thoughtWhat would she want to knowabout who she would become,who she would be becoming? You’ll be okayI’d tell her,then. now.but you are taking a terriblylong wayto okay.It’s starting nowand you knowbut you don’t know You will have a new lifewhile you’re still both youand a wife and a momand you will feel like bothand carry too muchof the now with youthen The pit of your stomachmay never forget thisversion of yourself,brokenby yourself,and not yourselfby he and themand her and him But your heartwill start to heallong from now,the nowon the lake,and you will seesomehowin the blue […]
The next morning I woke up to a small finger tap-tap-tapping my arm.Mommy, he said, Is it Mommy and Miles Day again? No sweetie, it’s our whole family’s day today, but that sure was fun, wasn’t it? Puppy dog eyes. And it was. It was so good. We boarded a bus in the morning and bounced our way to St. Paul for a day at the Children’s Museum with other families from Miles’ preschool. We even got to see Uncle K for a while. When Miles ran to hug him I thought, I haven’t seen him that excited in a really long time. He misses living by Uncle K. We explored inside the museum…always really quickly, from thing to thing to thing. I tried hard to fight the Mommy Fears, the ones that rear their ugly head and make me think of injuries and kidnapping. Seriously. Motherhood is hard on a girl’s brain, […]
I wore makeup yesterday. (And yes, the same sweater I wear all the time. I wore that too.) (I asked google if makeup should be makeup or make-up or make up and google said, all of the above.) (All of the above makes me feel itchy. Any of them will be fine? Huh, I don’t know. I like one right answer…I’m working on that.) Ryan and I brought our beautiful boys-with streaks of makeup on their faces-to my Mom, and then we kissed them on their soft cheeks, goodbye we said, and then we drove to Minneapolis to see Ryan’s brother perform at the Walker Art Center. You see, Ryan’s exceptionally talented musician brother, Dave was being honored at a two day event…The concert was a wordless kind of amazing.(I would have taken pictures, but I was all worried that it was against the rules and that’s another thing that makes me itchy, […]
“We do not remember days, we remember moments.” –Cesare Pavese I had some time alone at home and was spending it catching up. I hurried through Miles’ room with an empty laundry basket bumping my leg as I walked. I bent to throw the dirty clothes from the floor to the basket and was hit with his smell like a bump to the head. It stunned me with its goodness and I was surprised to miss him even though he’d just left. I was there with his smell, one that’s all boy and just this boy, my boy, all heavy with earth and fresh air and his hair. Oh, that hair that grows to a thick and careless mop and then transforms to a short faux hawk per his request because it looks cool, he says. Either way is fine with me, I think, as long as it keeps its smell. And then […]
Friday~November 27, 2009 We ate like… Well, like cows… constantly grazing… with thanksgiving in our hearts and on our tongues. And it was good. Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather
Thursday~November 5, 2009 He saw the world through new eyes, had ice cream for a Getting Glasses Celebration, got the wiggles out because of the sugar from theGetting Glasses Celebration, and then he said CHEESE a lot to appease hisMother Who Snaps a Gazillion Photos. Then last night as the sun setso did his love for his glasses. I said you get to wear them again tomorrowand he said NO. I put them on him this morning and he didn’t seem to mind them.PHEW, I said. Then I turned to look at himand he was doing this… Yes, less than 24 hours after the Getting Glasses Celebration,the spectacles are completely bent and no longer can be placed on the noggin. Oh my sanity, I’ll miss you. (He’s too cute. I can’t even stay mad.) Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. […]
Sunday~November 1st, 2009 They put on costumes, the kind that made them feel powerfuland brave enough to knock on the doors of strangers,even strangers with masks and painted faces… (well, okay. Sorta brave.) They hurried from one house to the next,less concerned with the fear factorand more concerned with the treat factor… (Superman, all covered in his coat) They went to a Halloween party, the kind that makes you feel like you bobbed for an appleand got the biggest one… with the best toys and the best view… and good friends…(Liam, my friend Susan’s sweet boy) Halloween is so much fun… Thank you, Susan. You brought the MAGICALto Halloween this year. (That’s Susan as Princess Leia AND as the Bumble Bee, pictured above.Yeah, she rocks the Halloween party. You can visit her at Warm Chocolate Milk.) Happy Halloween! (late) Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading […]
Monday~ August 17, 2009 We’ve been away. A long drive not making good timeto the cabinLaughing over I Spyand having treats Small stretched legs randiscovering and standing in awe Fresh airwalks through the treesand adventures down Main Street An afternoon movieduring a child’s long napCrease lines on faces fresh awake Restless nights in not-our-bedsSmall knees pressed close to my sideunder coversExhausted sighs in the night Early morning risesand a puzzle done in three hours There, at the cabin. Out to eat and then eat some more Rain on the roof and in the grassMud on our shoes and clothesChange the muddy shorts outsideand move on Nanny’s hugs and kissesBapa’s pocket with pencil and gum French toast and coffeeand then catching up on books Hard work, itching for releaseEscaping It’s good to get away. I tilted my head just like Miles doeswhen he stops to really think,my chin down just somy eyes wide and […]
Wednesday~August 5th, 2009 I have this amazing friend. I met her right here in my kitchen almost two years ago. She is one of those people that has this way about her, a grace and charm I wish I had the words to describe. She inspires, that’s what she does, not only with her paintings and writings, but simply by being who she is. She’s beautiful, with her radiating smile and heart. On top of all that, she’s the kind of woman that is so down to earth and real, you can’t even hate her for all that other stuff. She just gets you, with her open mind and sensitive spirit. I’ve gotten to know this woman through her words, and even though we’ve never met outside the computer in my kitchen, I love her. I want to tell you (and show you) what she did for my family. I go out to […]
Monday~August 3rd, 2009 Sometimes I don’t know how to keep up with his incessant questions, his intensity, or his volume. But most of the time, I revel in his imagination and innocence. This weekend, we played I Spy on the way to a movie, and then we car danced. One good song after another flooded the speakers above our four wheels, so we took turns calling out body parts in which to shake… Shoulder dance! (shimmy shoulders to the beat.) Finger dance! (wiggle fingers to the beat.) Elbow dance! (flap your elbows to the beat, like a chicken dance!)……. We watched the movie in 3-D, and we jumped when animation sprung itself at our special glasses. Then we had ice cream. On the way home, at a light, I turned to look at him and saw his wind-blown and sandy hair, his big and happy blue eyes. They are so bright, those eyes. […]
At the very last possible moment on Sunday morning, I rushed out the door and headed to the MckBrunch. Um, Heather. What’s a MckBrunch? Well, it’s a cross between fine dining and the drive-thru at McDonald’s. No, no! Actually, it was an opportunity for people to meet the lovely MckMama of My Charming Kids. (And for her to meet them, of course.) (Click on Stellan’s adorable photo in my sidebar if you aren’t already familiar with his story. You won’t be sorry.) I had no idea what to expect, but in the end, I was left giddy over what a good time it was. Don’t even get me started on the food, that was just plain fantastic. And the company? Even better! I sat with some lovely ladies and we hit it right off, chatting endlessly about blogging and motherhood. It was just plain good stuff. (Somehow they put up with me talking […]
Tuesday~June 30, 2009 He was so excited to go, but when it came right down to being left on that field with all the other little gloved T-ballers, he just wasn’t so sure. So he was the one, the one that battled his nerves and fought back tears. The one who didn’t follow when asked to run. The one playing in the sand to avoid the unknown. I wanted to hover, to push, to control the situation. I wanted to take his nerves and add them to mine, leaving him peaceful and confident. But I couldn’t, so I just waited, and watched from afar, hoping… He stood at the back, silent, small nervous movements, chewing nails and hiding under that visor. Kicking at the dirt and peeking out the side. So unsure. So new. So hard. They asked him to warm up with running and with stretching. He stood frozen in his fear, […]
Sunday~June 28th, 2009 It doesn’t matter how many years go by, I’ll always want the same things for you…. I mean, we’ve only just now on this very day arrived at year four, but I’ll always want to be sure you’re getting enough sleep, enough to eat, and enough happiness. I look at you and I know that I’ll always want those things, and these… peace, strength, faith, and health. All of the very same things I wanted on the day that you were born. Yes. I’ll always long to care for you, even when you don’t need me so much, as you grow up and grow stronger. You are a Superhero unto yourself, totally unaware of any weakness or doubt. You are imagination and freedom. You are undaunted. Spiderman cake by Nanny How do I keep a healthy dose of those beliefs alive in you?Because it’s true, that strength of a Superhero […]
Saturday~June 20, 2009 We go to the little park in our neighborhood nearly every day. Normally there’s hardly anyone there because we live smack dab between two large cities, but a college and a golf course seclude us. So yesterday when the park was bombarded with a group of water gun wielding boys with sweaty faces all red from the heat, we were a bit surprised. Bang! Bang! Bang! I gotcha! I’m gonna kill ya! POW! We sat and watched for a few minutes as the boys carried on with their pretend war. After a few minutes I got to witness one of the distinct differences between my two boys. They each handled their park being overtaken by a band of violent water gun carrying hoodlums very differently. Miles lurked. I mean, if he were reading blogs, he’d go undetected. He’d undermine any site meter. Anyway, he ducked under slides and positioned himself […]
Monday~June 1, 2009 We had a really good time on our trip, see? (That’s me, having a really good time.) Anyway, moving on…. What? You’re confused? Let me explain… I said I wanted to do a puzzle on our short little vacation. AND I said I wanted the puzzle to have a lot of faces on it. I came across this puzzle (while out searching for facey puzzles), and my wish was granted… Yeah, lots and lots of faces. (I was possibly entirely too excited about this.) I would like to say here (for the record) that my sister Shelly and I did this puzzle almost entirely on our own. My Dad can pretend that he had a really big hand in it and all that, but he did not. He simply held a puzzle piece in his hand as I was about to finish the whole ginormous thing, and then plopped that […]
Saturday~May 23, 2009 Warning: This post contains the cutest pictures you’ve ever seen in your whole life ever. If you don’t think so, you can’t tell me. Because these are my friends, their kids, and my “photography.” Now that I’m 34, I’m going to add “Photographer” to the list of things that I am. You know: wife, mom, sister, cousin, daughter, grand-daughter, niece, friend, runner, vegetarian, actor, author blogger, comedian, and photographer. Now here are about a zillion photos from my very special surprise birthday party last night. As you will see, I spent the whole night taking pictures, and I absolutely loved it… ***************** Meet Ellorie. You can’t have her.She’s mine Mackenzie and Caleb’s. *********************** And Landen. It’s entirely possible that this little poseis truly the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. ************************* You’ve been wondering why there aren’t more photos ofRyan on my blog, haven’t you?Well, maybe this is why…he’s totally insane… […]
Thursday~ April 9, 2009 I’ve always had a problem with time. Either it goes too fast, or it goes too slow. I’m either looking at the clock in shock that it’s “already” later in the day than it feels, or irritated that the number displayed seems frozen. In time. And keeping time? Forget about it. In music or a daily schedule, I’m slow to learn. Now I’m experiencing the absolute Twilight Zone of time warps…the growing up of children. Yeah, TIME. Miles is nearing four. He’s clear evidence to me that what I suspected is true. Time can be both slow and fast at once. He’s a boy and a baby at the same time, confusing the both of us. The love I feel for him knows no bounds, and like every mother, I’ll always consider him my baby. Time. It happens so quickly, the ticking of the clock that brings about the […]
Posted on Saturday~March 21, 2009 A friend I’ve had for over ten years mailed me some pictures from back when we first met. I fanned through memories of another time, another Heather. One who is much the same as the current version, but also entirely different. In those pictures I saw a trip Up North, one I’d nearly forgotten. And then I flipped to some photos of a vacation to Mexico, one I’ll always remember. And even more flashbacks of our daily adventures as servers at Don Pablo’s, ones that included the beautiful smiles of friends made and kept, and some who’ve moved on or away. My heart aches when I see pictures from years ago. I wish I could hold tightly to all those people, to keep the memories fresh. To never forget what I learned. My friends and I, we look so different now than we did then. It all goes […]
Posted on Tuesday~ March 17, 2009 I had to stop and smile today as Asher made his way across the kitchen floor. Stomp-stomp-stomp. He loves to stomp. If wearing shoes, he can be found trying to find the best place for foot pounding. It makes him smile. This child loves to hear himself. It occurred to me today that he loves everything about himself and everything about life. Of course, at age 1.5, he doesn’t have the capacity for much introspection, but I’d like to think there’s more to it than that. I believe he was born with a gift that will lead him to live out loud if given the chance. I believe that because I think it’s true for everyone. This passionate little guy impresses me even while his stubborn spirit and temper stretch me every day. Asher has been through more than many folks his age, and yet his joy […]
Posted on Monday~February 16, 2009If weighing the pros and cons about moving out to “the country” were a game of tennis, my neck would surely be sore. My hometown is in “the country.” We love it there. We currently live in “the city.” We love it here. We kick around the idea of moving to the country about once a month. Being closer to my parents would be one of the pros. (And sometimes that’s one of the cons. Ha! Kidding parents, kidding.) If we never move out of the city to the town I grew up in, it’s the fault of the guys with the really long scraggly beards at the movie theater Ryan and I went to when visiting my parents this weekend. Seriously. If you’re totally drunk at 4pm, please don’t go to a matinee in a small town. There aren’t very many people to fill up the theater, so […]
Posted on Monday~February 9, 2009 Our dog’s name is Tia Maria. I don’t bring her up very often here on the blog. That’s mostly because I’m too busy rambling on about other things.Tia is Ryan’s best friend. And she’s weird. In a lovely kind of gentle and easy-going way.But still weird… Tia has spent HOURS pushing her big red ball around the yard, combining her slobber with dirt to make mud. And then she wants to come in the house. Maybe that’s the real reason I don’t feel like talking about her much. Anyway, the ball is a strong plastic. It had a little hole in it that Tia has always stuck her teeth in to grab a hold of it. The hole in the ball has slowly gotten bigger over time. Now it’s just the right size for this to happen: Yes, our dog’s face was stuck inside her ball. I can’t […]
Posted on Tuesday~ February 3, 2009 I was all proud of myself this morning. Because I took a shower. Miles was at school and I gave Asher a snack and turned on Clifford, thinking “I can do this, I’ll just take a super fast only sort of get clean kind of shower” (the kind that leaves my hair less greasy but doesn’t really mean the bottoms of my feet were scrubbed. That kind.). I got out of the shower and rushed to get clothes, thinking about how quietly Asher was watching the Big Red Dog. I’m an idiot, so I was pleased by his silence. I was in the shower for approximately three minutes and dressing for about thirty seconds. I kid you not. And just yesterday my friend and I were talking about how much we love Curious George, even if he does get into all that trouble. We blamed the Man […]
Posted on Saturday~January 24, 2009 Asher and Miles both have a little blankie of sorts that they sleep with and need when they’re sad or hurt. I believe the experts call them “transitional objects.” We call them Guggies. This started because Ryan and I called Miles’ blanket a Snuggly, and when he started to talk it came out “Guggy” and it stuck. Now Asher has a Guggy too. Both of our boys are pretty much total Guggy addicts. We parents spend a lot of time making sure that these small comforts are available, searching before bedtime and car trips, throwing the Guggies in the diaper bag, making sure they’re available to be the good friends that they are if needed. The other night before bed, I walked around with Asher for a long while, looking under furniture and in piles of laundry, under toys and even in the cupboards. No Guggy. Even though […]
Posted on Tuesday~January 20th, 2009 What you are about to see is all Daddy’s fault. I mean, the morning of the incident Ryan did spend a whole lot of time shaving his head while Miles watched in fascination. He also showed Miles how everything works, considering it a Father/Son kind of learning adventure. And then he did leave his razor out on the bathroom counter. What 3-year-old who wants to be like Daddy could resist such a temptation? Not ours. No, not ours… So that big bald area? Mostly Daddy’s fault right? I was innocently chatting with my sister-in-law in the kitchen, unaware that Miles had moved across the hall like a sphinx, leaving his cousins to play in his room. He simply moved too fast for me to have time to notice. I’m super attentive, so I KNOW this is not my fault. SIGH. Yeah, that’s pretty. When I took him to […]
Posted on Friday~January 16th, 2009 I have a mind full of many random thoughts. I could spill a bunch of them now, but I’ve been trying to focus on the beauty of this season of parenting lately, so that’s what I’ll do for this week’s 7 Quick Takes. (Visit Conversion Diary for more.) ~1~ Asher, I’m trying not to worry about you. I’m more thankful every day that your hydrocephalus was caught at just the right time.People continue to ask if your development is (or will be) “normal” now that you’ve had surgery. The answer to this question is “I don’t know.” I’ve only been thinking about how amazing it is that you’re walking around, grunting out requests and doing little dances. I’m learning more than ever before that there is no “normal.” Wherever you land on the learning curve in your life, I’ll be cheering you on, believing that everything you do […]
Posted on Monday, December 29, 2008 Miles and Asher have had a tumultuous relationship. Asher’s colic and hydrocephalus forced him to be…well…not so much fun to be around. Miles has struggled through the last year and a half, trying to be two and then trying to be three with a wailing baby soundtrack filling his every moment. He became resentful and angry, understandably. Not only did “the new baby” come in and steal the attention, he pretty much turned life upside-down. After Asher’s surgery, things have slowly started to change. I’m finding myself more rested and at ease as Asher improves, crying less and acting like a typical one and a half year old. I’m enjoying the moments more than I’ve had the energy to do so in a really long time. (That was a weird sentence but I’m not fixing it.) I’ve been holding both of my boys just a little bit […]
Posted on Saturday, December 27th, 2008 I love having kids for many reasons. One of them is that, like most people, I love to be entertained. There’s nothing more entertaining than children, no? Life is full of surprises with these little crazies in my life. With them, Christmas travels and festivities never ever have a dull moment. (Even if I would really really like a dull moment every now and again.) For instance, right before we were leaving for Christmas at my parent’s house, bags packed and boys in the car, I was running around looking for pacifiers. I’m a wise mother, and I knew we would need at least five for the car trip. That way, when Asher threw the third one on the floor just for kicks and then cried, I’d still have two pacifying pieces of plastic up my sleeve. Or in my pocket. But I couldn’t find any, of […]
