I was sitting on a towel in the sand, keeping watch over my two little guppies in the water and soaking up some vitamin D. She walked up next to me while speaking rapid-fire Spanish, an excited expression on her face. I caught about two words, and assumed she was talking about the toys on the beach that my boys were playing with, that they were hers. I tried to answer her. It was awkward. The boys watched. Wait. They did not just watch. It was more than that. They sat enthralled, looks of interest and awe on their faces, defenses down. It’s not that they’ve never been around people who speak something other than English, they have, quite a lot, actually. But maybe it had been a while, or maybe it was just her, this girl, the way she carried herself with such joy. I think that’s what it was. It wasn’t […]
I have a boy here who eats broccoli and puts himself to bed when he’s tired. (Yes, I follow him to tuck and kiss, who do you think I am, Miss Hannigan?) (Annie, people. Stick with me, here. I’m talking about that mean orphanage lady from Annie.) (Although, Miss Hannigan did love alcoholic beverages…but that’s our only similarity, I hope.) (No worries, I haven’t fallen off the wagon.) Anyway. Check it… It’s a hard-knock life. (The title of this post is also from Annie and is not meant to lead you to believe that something really amazing is happening tomorrow. But there is one thing. We get to go see my Grandma. Hi Gram! Love you!) Happy weekend, friends. Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather
*this just in: I wrote something new for Mama Manifesto and it’s up over there today. It hopefully paints a picture and sends a message and resonates. If not, it’s just about my own bouncy brain and crap television. See you there. I mean, if you go over there. Nicely. And also: Miles and Asher had a combined birthday party recently. Both sides of the family were there, so people who don’t know each other that well from either side were all there. (And yes, it was quite redundant of me to explain that.) Above, you will see Cousin O, to the right, with the squirt gun. And at the far left is Cousin M. Cousin O and Cousin M have rarely been around each other. Which brings me to this conversation between Cousin M (left) and an adult family member. Cousin M – Is O a boy or a girl? (see long-haired […]
Every year around 20,000 people gather in our small Midwestern town, driving from all over the state and neighboring states for camping and music. People come to the concerts hours early, holding their space as close to the front as they can. There’s a fence to hold them back and a large gap in front of that fence in front of the stage. Usually that gap is filled with volunteers, security, people restricted to wheelchairs, and family and friends of band members. I love The David Crowder Band, so I stopped helping backstage (my mom is one of the creators of the festival, so we help each year) to go stand in the gap. I love to turn around every once and a while to look back over the jumping and screaming crowd. At one point, I turned around to see this: Apparently, a young man had been content to stay in the […]
All this time, I’ve been photoshopping our teeth. We actually have terrible dental hygiene. Just thought you should know. ___________ Also. A little while ago, I shared the details of my Motherhood and Addiction story over at Missy’s place. The comments were open for questions. A Hazelden expert has answered those questions today, if you’d like to take a look. Thank you all for your birthday wishes for Asher earlier today. You rock the birthday party. Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather
Me – Asher, I want to tell you something. Asher – (eyes bright, runs right over) What, Mama? Me – Today you are THREE. It’s your birthday today! Asher – oooooh. Will I get a balloon? Me – Yes. Later today….what are you going to do this year, while you’re three?Asher – play wid Zach-Max (cousins)…and brudder…and you (pronounced jew. just sayin‘)….cause I missed jew (very very sad face, oh so downcast, oh his soul)Me – Oh. When was I gone? Asher – (long pouty pause, then giggles, throws his head back) I kidding! Me – Oh, you’re silly. I love you. Asher – I wuz jew, too, Mommy. (gives big hugs, then throws noggin back again to be silly and cracks said noggin on chair.)(just keepin‘ it real, peeps.)(he’s totally fine.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cue The Cute: End Cute. Happy Birthday, Asher. Mommy loves you to the sky and back and back up and […]
{originally posted 6/1/09} Yesterday, at my parent’s cabin, Asher woke up at 5:00 a.m. I didn’t want to wake up the rest of the house with screeches and screams, so I put Asher in the van and we went for a drive, not really knowing where we were going. We saw the sun rise, some sheep, some cows, and long stretches of road. It was a beautiful start to the day, even if I wasn’t at all happy to roll out of bed before the sun. We drove to town and picked up a coffee and some diapers. Then with nothing else left to do, we sat in a parking lot. Asher watched Wall-E while I read a book and sipped my mocha. We did that for quite a while, lazy and content, until Asher said, “Mama…beep beep.” And I asked, “Does that mean you’d like to start driving again?” He looked right […]
Miles – 4th of July parade R & S – 4th of July dinner at Nanny and Bapa’s our very own fireworks show it was obviously quite riveting {These photos are brought to you by You Capture at I Should Be Folding Laundry} And now for your Asher update:First of all, thank you all so much for your comments and emails, your thoughts and your prayers. We feel them.Asher hasn’t had much success with that whole clearing out thing, despite our dietal (totally a word) efforts. So we’re giving it until the end of the day, hoping for a fireworks-like explosion. *ahem*Hopefully that will solve the issues with his valve tube, things will start flowing as they should, and his headaches will disappear. If there’s no luck with the clearing out, I plan to call the doc in the morning.The first thing Asher said this morning when he woke up was that when […]
This photo is a part of You Capture at I Should Be Folding Laundry ~~~~~~~~~~ Yesterday I was in the grocery store when the book came to me. It’s not fiction, as I had thought, but I’m going to try to stay confident that it is meant to be written, by little old me, from my experience and my heart. Not coincidentally, I came across this article by Anne Lamott through Sarah of Momalom (on Twitter, of course) the day before I had this grocery store epiphany. I’ve been saying and saying and saying that I have no time to write a book. After all, I’m interrupted when I shower, how could I sit with clear thoughts and type any kind of sense at all in five second increments? Anne writes, on finding time, “This means you have to grasp that your manic forms of connectivity—cell phone, email, text, Twitter—steal most chances of […]
This post is brought to you by Max, Miles, Zach and Asher. And Wordless Wednesday at 5 Minutes for Mom. And the colors black and white. And the number four. Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather
On day one, you taught me that having a c-section didn’t make me a failurebecause I had you. On day 2 I studied all your sleeping faces, all day longand I loved even the frumpy grumpy onesand you still make themand somehow, I love them even more In your first monthsyou showed me what peace looks likeand how it would feel when you’re sickalways like I’m sick, but worse You’ve always shown mejoypure joyin the smallest things In your first few years, I learned that so much of what I know and believe is because of you.You are five years of love and light, struggle and growth and absolutely nothing I would trade.Because of you I know what an old soul in a small body can bring to this life, and I know that I will always always love and accept you…no.matter.what. And I know that I say be careful too often, but […]
1. Run, don’t walk, to the park. 2. Sneak snacks no matter what time it is. 3. Chase chipmunks with squeal-y matching friends. 4. Skip naps and take long baths, washing off the lake or the pool or the sand or the dirt or the all of the above. 5. Worry less about getting clean and more about getting fun. 6. Look long at the water and the sky while you stay up late.7. In other words, ignore the rules. Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather
I was thinking about how many things I bring up in this space, never to revisit them again (ahem, thoughts of homeschooling? Wanting another baby? Other stuff I can’t think of right now?) And then I thought about how writing about recovery and sobriety and addiction has sort of taken over my blog. So that means that the tone is often…heavy, man. Then I thought, I hardly ever update on Asher’s health anymore and I rarely do “From the Mouth of Miles” posts these days. The thing is, it all happened naturally. Asher is doing really well, and when Miles talks about things that I want to share with the world, I censor myself a bit more because I don’t want him to look back on these pages and wonder why I made every stinking little thing public knowledge, you know?There’s a huge difference in life these days. When I compare last year […]
I’ve been given (or have found all on my own) some great information since I spilled the beans the other day, letting ya’ll know I’d like to write a book. So I said to myself, Sheesh Heather, you should share these resources, like in a post or something. And then I agreed with myself that I should do just that. Right now. In this here post.You’re welcome. Firstly, my blog friend Becca has done an excellent series on writing on her blog. If you’re interested in writing fiction, this series will become a go-to place for information on all things plot and character growth. (Click on “series on writing” above to start at the beginning.) Nextly, Jennifer of Conversion Diary sent me some must-read book titles. Because I adore Jennifer, her wisdom and talent, I share them with you now: Writing the Breakout Novel by Donald Maass. (His book The Fire in Fiction […]
A day at the water park, cooling off in the water and soaking up the sun? Summer bliss in my book. (And this place is a mere three blocks from our house-I love that.) I’m pretty sure these water park days will be ear-marked in the memory books of my boys, too. Asher, Miles and strong friend, E Oh My Serious Fun. I love to watch them play in the water, rush down the slide, water drops dripping from their noses. I love the way water keeps their minds busy for hours, while I sit and take it all in. But this last time, what I loved the most was the way Asher snuggled into me after getting hurt, wrapped in a towel and fell fast asleep. It’s been a really long time since I snuggled a sleeping boy baby, rocking back and forth and nuzzling blond hair. (They are just growing far […]
We went to a Dairy Days event. Yes, this confirms it. We live in the country now. Farms stink. (The child would not let go of his nose-I hope he didn’t offend the cows.) Oh look. That one looks offended. Oh well…let’s just look at this guy instead… The next day, our little dude was on the front page of the local paper on this very same tractor. Now we have to fight off the paparazzi like never before. It’s kind of hard having a child star. The End. Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather
This is Heather. She’s not naked. Her dress is strapless. But you knew that. Yes. Yet another Heather born in the 70’s. Heather is one of my dearest friends, and she was married last weekend. It was a beautiful day full of bluegrass music and sun and friends and family. I love my Heather, and have since elementary school. We’re Heather squared, or The Heathers. The day before the wedding, I happened upon a new shoppe in the small town in which we live. I opened the door with low expectations. After all, this is rural Minnesota so let’s just say the shopping is…limited. And then a miracle occurred. Well, okay. Maybe it wasn’t a miracle. I mean, I don’t even really LIKE shopping much at all. But do you wanna know what I do like? Knowing that all I have to do is go to ONE store and I will love everything […]
Little Brother, you’re up.No really. It’ll be okay… No. You may not have either of them.They are MINE.The End. Oh P.S. I want to say thank you for your comments on my last post. Because of this bumpy sobriety journey, that kind of post means much to me, and so your words of encouragement, grace, friendship, and love…well, they totally lift me up. Thank you. Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather
You guys. I’m hopefully not slipping or sliding, but I am going away today! CBC ’10, here I come! (And I’m extra excited about the conference now because I’m part of a surprise and that is so fun and exciting but I can’t tell you because it’s a surprise and so you will know later-not now.) I kissed and hugged my boys like crazy last night and sent them to Nanny and Bapa’s house. I will not see them again until Sunday or maybe even Monday, if they’re in bed when I return on Sunday night. Weird. I’m quite in love with them and will miss them with my heart panging around. Here is one of them, the Asher variety, having some summer fun (which must always include water guns and Oreos, in my humble opinion)… The cheeks. La sigh…. Alright, Peeps. Lots of love to you. Can I tell you how glad […]
And he surrenders to the artistic spirit. Good boy. (And after that, it’s possible that I let him keep the paint on his face while he took a nap.And then the paint moved itself to his soft blond hair. That was pretty.) _________ Also.My friend Sabrina (from Superfluous) got engaged!!!Since I first met and then got to know this lovely lady,I knew she’d make someone very happy one day.Honestly, her guy could not have found a morepatient, understanding, fashionable, kind, hilarious, beautiful and talented girl.(Seriously. The cooking and baking and gardening! Oh my!)Congratulations to you both! Sabrina,you rock the BumpIt Bride Party.__________ That is all. Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather
He is so often carefree and unaffectedso sure of loveand centered in fatherhood He is quirkyin the best possible waysand he has too many watchesand I roll my eyeswhen he dons the hatand the penny loafers He thinks every man should mow inpenny loafers He’s my friend and my support andmy laughterAnd today is his birthday I love you, Taco Headyou are so good to me And really, who am I to call him quirky? Like my shoes and socks,we’re a match madein Heaven. Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather
There is so much fun to be had in a cabinet.You can even pretend you’re a really meantrapped and angry bear But then you might start thinkingAm I really trapped in here?I’m actually just a person I might want to get out sometimetaptaptap…helpHI-YAH! Oh my…one of the terrible bearshas escaped! And the other bear is…astonished!Brother Bear, I shall FREE YOU!!! AAATTTAAAACK HER!!!!I love being attacked. It is a privilege and an honor and a joy to call these two bears mine… Happy Mother’s Day, friends! Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather
So. The assignment for You Capture this week was Spring. (Yes, the same as last week…you are not a time traveler. This is not last week.) And while Miles was at school, Asher and I went on an adventure in the woods. Or the frorest, as Asher prefers calling it. I took 129 photos. I wanted to show you 129 photos. I am not.Ready? GO! scroll, scroll, scroll…. Phew! You made it!I’m a maniac, a maniac, I know. And I have some exciting things to tell you tomorrow. Just.so.you.know. Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather
This is a tiny little corner of the old house turned coffee shop where I love to go and sit and write in the quiet. Then other times, it’s louder because Jen or Mackenzie or Annette or Lana meets me there and we laugh. Loudly. I hope Heaven is like LuLu Beans with its peaceful quiet and then happy loud. (Minus the blisters from the ruby red slippers-I could do without those. I hear there are no blisters in Heaven anyway, so it’s really not a worry.) Happy Sunday. P.S. I guess they’re more like fire engine red, but let’s just pretend I’m Dorothy in LuLu Oz. Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for reading my words, silly or serious. I appreciate you. ~Heather
I was sneaking up on it because it’s fragileit’s trying so hard It is one of fourFour flowering treesin our yardFour!These are pictures of oneand of my shadowand they are stretching together Me and the tree Hi little petals,just a moment agoyou were only tiny bumps on brown sticks But you’ve been stretchingand growing and I could kiss youYou are the kind of good thingthat appears out of nowhereovernight With a reaching andgloriousBOOM! BANG! POW!I love BOOM! BANG! POW! Oh and wait. There’s a bird’s nest with eggs tucked insideright outside my kitchen window? Oh, yes.Don’t worry, little fellaswhen I see those pesky squirrels sneaking up on youI will stop washing dishes and I will scare them with aknock on the windowWorks every timeBOOM! BANG! POW! {This post is a part of You Capture at I Should Be Folding Laundry} Thank you for allowing me to pop up in your inbox and for […]
It’s Wednesday and it’s 9pm and the last of my two restless children has given into sleep. Finally. Ryan is out of town for work, so friends, the days are very long and let me just say that I’m…well, exhausted. Already. And it’s Wednesday. Half-way. If you are a single parent, I honestly want to kiss your face right now and tell you what a freaking rock star you are. Just saying. I’m sitting here with my feet up and my computer on my lap and Idol Gives Back on the TV. I haven’t watched Idol even one time this season, but I’m always intrigued and softened and reminded by Idol Gives Back, and so I watch.I was thinking back on today and when I tried to think about the morning I absolutely could not believe that I was thinking back on the same day I’m living right now. The morning was such […]
The next morning I woke up to a small finger tap-tap-tapping my arm.Mommy, he said, Is it Mommy and Miles Day again? No sweetie, it’s our whole family’s day today, but that sure was fun, wasn’t it? Puppy dog eyes. And it was. It was so good. We boarded a bus in the morning and bounced our way to St. Paul for a day at the Children’s Museum with other families from Miles’ preschool. We even got to see Uncle K for a while. When Miles ran to hug him I thought, I haven’t seen him that excited in a really long time. He misses living by Uncle K. We explored inside the museum…always really quickly, from thing to thing to thing. I tried hard to fight the Mommy Fears, the ones that rear their ugly head and make me think of injuries and kidnapping. Seriously. Motherhood is hard on a girl’s brain, […]
Dear Fellow Mommyblogger,That title up there? Is that okay with you? Because it’s true. You know the Mary Kay lady stereotype well, right? The one a dear friend of mine deals with every day, since she’s a Mary Kay lady?Still makin’ people pretty? Do you drive a pink Cadillac? *wink wink* All the questions asked of her are tinged with that patronizing tone of humor, as if she’s pretending at something. As if she’s doing something cute and silly most likely because she can’t do anything else. My friend’s car is not pink but it did come from Mary Kay. She’s a total Mary Kay sell out. She doesn’t apologize for it, she loves it. She loves her job and the women she’s come to know because of it. She happens to care about moisturizing and color-matching and protecting skin from the sun. She happens to care about helping women feel just a […]
Say ‘chubby bunnies‘ I SAID, say ‘chubby bunnies‘ Disclaimer: No one was traumatized while squished cheeks were being coaxed to spill their chubby bunnies. There were no tears. There was no pain, no fits. Except for fits of the giggles. And then he said, I’m not just your average boy, Mommy. He’s not, you know. I haven’t met an average boy yet,especially mine. ~~~~~ I’ve been trying to write a post for a few days now. It’s a Very Important Post. Or something. Actually, I have about five posts working, saved as drafts, just a-sittin‘ there a-wishin‘ they were fishin‘. Or… a-finished. What? I don’t have any idea what that meant, but now here I am writing this nonsensical post off the top of my head instead of those other ones. It seems that any time I sit down to spend some time on the world wide web these days, something comes up. […]
I was in church, for Easter, and I felt nothing. I have been feeling guilty for my lack of feeling in church my entire life. It isn’t that I don’t like church, at least not most of the time. It’s something else. My emotions over the things of faith aren’t triggered in a place of worship often. But as an aside, you should know that they are triggered here… Easter2, originally uploaded by Heather of the EO. In the changing landscape of a Midwestern spring. In the face of a boy I was once worried I may not keep. My soul wells up with hallelujahs on a daily basis, in the ordinary things of life. I carry those praises along in my heart and when we go to church, something happens to them. They go quiet. Sure, sometimes I have a moment, a certain song or words said at just the right time […]
