Why is it that some people seem to think they’re invisible in their cars? CARS HAVE SEE-THROUGH WINDOWS PEOPLE!!! I pulled up to a stop light yesterday and turned to see a middle-aged, nicely coiffed woman with a beautiful scarf tucked inside her fancy wool coat. She was waiting patiently at the light in her Saab, and passing the time by picking her nose, her long painted fingernail hidden in her nostril for thirty seconds at a time. Sorry. But I’m about to disgust you further… She ate it. Twice. People aren’t always as put-together as they appear, right? I almost vomited right there on my steering wheel. I have no idea why I’m telling you this. Maybe I’ll turn this into a Thanksgiving post by saying, I am SO thankful I don’t do that. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Can you believe I just made you read this? Aren’t you thankful for […]
I am terrible at taking a blogcation. I have a couple more guest posters lined up and then I’m back at it all on my own. It must be this way or like I said, my head may explode. Taking a blogcation helped me to see how much I love to write. And even though life is busy, it somehow refuels me to read loads and loads AND LOADS of blogs. You people rock the party. So many of you graciously offered to guest post, and here I am cutting the blogcation short and totally dissing you. (Yes, I just said dissing-because it’s 1994 and I’m totally awesome.) But, I’m keeping the list of all who offered so next time I need to run and hide under a rock, you’ll be the ones I’ll be begging to take over for awhile. Do you know what you can do on blogcation?You can file stacks […]
Let’s see if you smarty pants people can answer a few questions for me. There are many things about blogging that are questions we should not ask. Like, how many blogs are too many to be reading per day? Or, do you have to read all the comments before you make a comment to make sure you aren’t repeating anyone? Do you ever comment out of obligation? Are you getting carpal tunnel? Is your chair, or how your sitting all sprawled out on your bed ergonomically correct? Would people keep blogging and love it if there were never any comments ever? Stuff like that. Things everyone has a different opinion on. I mean, some people don’t think I’m getting carpal tunnel and some do. Those are good questions, but I have some others. Maybe you could help?________Part One: The technical question: Do you subscribe to blogs with a reader or by email? If […]
(Melanie J, that is. If not for her amazing winning abilities, I could not have written this post. So Miss J, if this post wins me some kind of millionaire-making ‘post of the year’ award (cause that could totally happen, even though it’s not that good) I promise I’ll split the cash with you.) Yesterday the boys and I set off on an adventure. On foot. Well, on MY feet. The boys were in the stroller. I knew it was going to be a long haul, walking to the post office. I didn’t really know how long though, or I maybe would have driven. But we were off to mail the Sara Groves Christmas CD to giveaway winner, Melanie J. And I was excited! Being excited always makes me experience lapses in judgment. (I know, I know. Wasn’t that giveaway a long time ago? Yes. But both winners are patient. And I am….slow.) […]
No, I’m not going to talk about the economy or the upcoming election. I leave those things for the “real” news. I’m actually referring to bloggy news. There are a few very important matters I’ve had tabled. So picture me now, next to Charlie Gibson at the news desk, my make-up (what’s that?) caked on thick and the horrible lighting blaring into my eyes. How do I look? I don’t know why they have bricks behind their news desk, but let’s just roll with it. This is what I will do when Charlie says something funny. And then I would get fired for having such an unsightly large mouth. Anyway, back to the important stuff. I won a giveaway! It was hard work too-I had to leave a comment! Well, okay. I’ve actually won TWO giveaways, but I’m going to wait to mention the second prize until I have it in my hot […]
I pick him up from his crib and he says “Hi,” dragging this one beautiful word out with a tender tinge of baby-talk sweetness. He puts those chubby little arms around my shoulders and he squeezes. We breathe each other in. Then he lets go, tilting his head back to look at me, as if he’s checking to see if I’m the same. His Mama. And I answer “Hi, sweet baby, how are you?” He chuckles a deep, throaty little chuckle, and smiles into my eyes. I feel as if my heart might burst with love. Surely it could. But instead, he rears back and BAM, head-butts me square in the nose. I nearly drop him as the pain screams through my face, racing under my eyes and ringing in my ears. I set him down on the floor and check for blood. I’m shocked! There’s no blood. But oh holy cats, it […]
Whenever I see blog posts about being “tagged,” I picture an actual real-life game of tag. You know, with grown women and men rushing around trying to touch each other, switching whose turn it is to chase and whose it is to flee. That’s an entertaining daydream. Yes, you guessed it. I’ve been tagged. By Whitney over at Baby Tunnel Exodus. This sweet lady revealed 7 quirks about herself and then tagged myself and a few others to do the same. 1. I had an eye twitch for about seven years. It started my last year in college during finals week, directly below my left eye. It pulsed in and out almost constantly for those seven years. I got so used to it I couldn’t even feel it anymore. Then someone would be talking to me and they would point at it and say something like “your eye is doing something.” And I […]
You guys have been like the paparazzi today! And me, like Russell Crowe! I could just PUNCH someone. Or at least throw my phone at someone!I hate posting pictures of myself and you’re SO pushy!!! But instead of punching anyone, I’ll just pose like I’m a drunk on America’s Next Top Model. Really drunk. Or. The real me. Now you might be asking yourself a few questions. (BESIDES what’s WRONG with her?)Ryan was taking a bunch of pictures of me for my bio over on Mama Manifesto this weekend, and we got a little crazy with it. Because we’re crazy. I’m not just narcissistic, asking people to take pictures of me by myself. I actually quite HATE photo shoots. Nextly, you may want to know why I think my hair is trendy.This is why: Just ignore the bed head around the bottom there and notice that my hair is now two-toned. I’m totally […]
I really do like the whole spa thing. I mean, I think people should go to treat themselves and relax. I especially liked being able to go on Auntie K’s dime (for the most part, which I’ll get to later) last Friday. My friend Mackenzie and I had a day away, spending time together and having an experience that’s rare. For us anyway. And unique. And sometimes very funny. We learned that we’re maybe not the classiest ladies, or all that smart. But it was still great. We’ll laugh about it for a long time.Because,First of all, I have a cold. I coughed a lot during the massage. Peggy the masseuse, who seemed a bit overly focused on rubbing my thighs for really extended periods of time, had to stop to ask me what was going on. Because you see, Peggy the masseuse was one of those ‘rub lightly’ massage therapists. (Which makes […]
Miles was given this as a gift: You get to grow your very own little dinosaur-like fish things!Kind of intriguing and creepy and cool all at the same time. If you ask Ryan (Daddy), this little science project is entirely too creepy for his taste. (You should see his face when he has to hold the little container of eggs that will grow into the little tadpole guys! He looks like he might cry. Priceless!) But he’s being a good sport and getting the water the right temperature, cleaning out the aquarium and soaking the little rocks, just like the directions say. That’s very nice since he’s obviously disturbed by this whole idea. This was our conversation today: Ryan- You know we’re going to have to dispose of these at some point don’t you? Me – Yeees. Why, what do you mean?Ryan- Well, what if they just go on living and living, sooner […]
Going to Ikea puts me in a good mood. There are truly inexpensive storage containers there. And I really like to organize and store things. Like little boy shoes, games, puzzles, blankets, clothes, winter items, socks, books, toys, towels, outdoor toys…… So yeah. I was in a good mood after a trip there today. I was loading the boys in the car and doing what I normally do. Rapping. What mother doesn’t rap while trying to persuade her children to do things they don’t feel like doing? If I had the ability to vlog (is that what it’s called?) I would totally share this rap with you, since it works wonders. Or if I wanted to have myself seen on video over the internet, then I would show you via YouTube. But that isn’t going to happen. So instead you’ll just have to rap this in your head while imagining me trying to […]
Before Asher was born, I was a doula. For those of you who don’t know what that is, there are birth doulas, supporting mothers in childbirth (I’m not one of those), and there are postpartum doulas (I am one of those). That means I would go be with a family when they first brought their baby home. I would work for anywhere from 3-6 hours a day, basically helping the mother recover and adjust, taking care of siblings, the newborn, doing laundry, making meals, etc. Basically the postpartum doula’s job is to be the extended family that most of us don’t have nearby anymore (or don’t want around). When Asher was born and he was really mad about it, and then cried for six months without stopping, it became really hard to go help and encourage other mothers. (And I was really, really, really thankful for my own postpartum doula). I lost my […]
Miles made up this song while in time-out yesterday: (Imagine sing-song preschool boy voice) “Dear God,I’m dead.I’m squished.People squished me killed.They were being funny,then I start to feel sad.And I was squished all the time.My life was going to be dead.” Um….Now here’s me defending myself as a loving mother: Really, we don’t ever talk about death and killing, unless he asks questions. Cause he’s three. So we don’t like to push the weight of the world on the poor little guy. Secondly, he had just been “squishing” his brother. Hence, the time out. And lastly, maybe he was just remembering his time in the womb. Because I’m pretty sure he was squished. And maybe that was uncomfortable at times, causing stress. We really are okay parents. At least I’m pretty sure about that. I mean, our nine year old nephew thinks so anyway. Just this last weekend he turned to Ryan and […]
We all need a break from life every now and again right? It’s one of my favorite things to daydream about actually. I love being a mom, but I also love daydreaming about sleeping in. And reading a whole day away. Or watching a movie with no interruptions. Or going to the bathroom by myself. Stuff like that. I had one of these delicious daydreams today and I wanted to tell you what I brought along on my solo vacation. (Yes, I am there by myself. All alone. No one else. Not even a good friend (that’s a different daydream)). And I’m at a cabin by a lake. And it’s a perfect summer day. Or days. Or a week. There’s a breeze, but not the kind that gives me goosebumps. Until night. It can be the chilly breeze at night because then I can grab a sweatshirt and read outside on the porch […]
Do we all have something weird about us? Wait. Let me just say that we all have something weird about us. I am referring to our bodies, not our minds here people. And yes, I think even Brangelina must have something weird. Somewhere. Invisible to the naked eye, maybe. But it’s there. I say this because I would like to believe I’m not a freak of nature. I’ve heard of people having an extra toe. Or even an extra nipple, like Chandler on Friends. Or maybe a strangely shaped birthmark. We have a friend who has two toenails on one toe. No, not layered, side by side. (Sorry B, but this makes you a freak). I believe it’s possible that I may have revealed my freak secret here on the blog before, but I don’t remember clearly. If I did it was back when Kelly, Sabrina and my dad were the only ones […]
The boys and I went to about 576 garage sales today. It was fun. Even if it was hot and we got in and out of the car, me lugging all that boy weight 576 times. It was fun even if Asher pooped at stop number 490, leaving me to change him while he flailed around the cargo area at the back of the car, dropping little poop nuggets on the seat. Still fun. Garage sales make me think positively for some unexplainable reason. But they are kind of weird, if you think about it really hard. People stay up late, putting little prices on things they’ve decided are worth much less than what they paid for them. Then they sit outside and watch people mull over whether or not that very low price is worth the effort. Shoppers saunter around, acting all important, turning their noses up at items and putting them […]
So I have a confession to make. It’s really kind of silly. Ready? My kids have never had an actual babysitter (like a teen) for more than one hour, where I ran to get groceries or something and rushed back. (I am now refraining from going on and on explaining why. There are reasons. Really, really good reasons. Like how I’m a bit of a control freak and borderline neurotic. But I’m trying not to be an approval seeker so I’m not going to explain. Except for to say that Asher has been quite a difficult baby, but I didn’t just say that. Because I don’t need to explain. Because I love Asher very much and don’t want to sound negative about HIM. Not that I care if you thought I was being negative…And I’m not explaining because it doesn’t matter what people think. Unless you’re a control freak, trying to pretend to […]
I’ve bumped into a few blog posts today (pun intended) about tripping, falling off of things, basically making a fool of yourself in one way or another. That sort of thing. I LOVE these posts. I love to imagine the antics of another human being, flailing around and making a fool of themselves. Maybe that’s a bit mean. But I can’t help it. There is no better way to make me giggle until I can’t stop than to walk next to me, catch your toe on a tiny bump on the ground and do one of those sudden attempts to prevent hitting your face on the pavement. Oh, I’m laughing right now just thinking of it. I can’t stop. I’m picturing you tripping and it’s super funny. Hold on a second…. Thanks. Sorry. Oh wait, just another second (imagine me here with finger held up, my hand covering my mouth to prevent you […]
I’m the type of person who has to go back in the house three times before I actually drive out of the driveway. I forget the diaper bag. Then I realize I don’t have my cell phone. Then I decide I should probably bring something for the boys to drink in case they’re the type of humans who need hydration. Stuff like that. Since I’m that type of person, you can probably guess that I’m also the type to wander around the house, forgetting why I’m in a certain room. I’ll ask myself what I’m doing and be totally stumped. Then moments later I’ll remember I was looking for my keys. I’ll go back to searching only to have someone tell me that my keys are in my hand. All of this could be because my mind is like a freight train, blasting past topic after topic. My freight train is moving at […]
There’s this little counter area in my kitchen. It keeps the world at my fingertips. This space holds the computer. When I cook, the computer is there. When I walk through the room on my way to doing important things, the computer is there. When I do dishes, the computer is there, right behind me, calling out to me, begging me for attention. He is quite the suitor, my computer. “He?,” you say. Yes, if he’s going to be a suitor in this post, he is a him. Obviously. It’s so flattering really, how much he enjoys my attention. And it goes both ways. I mean, it’s nice to get so much validation and support from him, shining brightly as he tells me of the world, all he’s seen, where he’s been. He especially likes the smell of my chili, the perfume of my kitchen, currently simmering on the stove-top just inches away. […]
