The last couple of days have left me with the fear that I might actually completely lose my mind.
I’ve been floating somewhere over myself, near the ceiling, watching as I act all frazzled and manic over….nothing. Or something. I’m not sure. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I might have hit a wall. I stopped and stared at the wall and it had things written on it.
(no, I didn’t actually see a wall with writing on it, this is metaphorical, okay? I did see a bat that wasn’t there, but that’s totally different.)
Okay, so the wall I did not actually see said things like, “Yeah, lady. You hit this wall for obvious reasons.” And I’m all, “huh?” So I read on and the wall says,
“you haven’t really slept much in over a year. Before that your sleep was occasionally okay, but not great. You got married, bought a house, added on to said house, got a dog, had two babies…all within the span of three years. You also had an extremely colicky baby who screamed for six months of the last year. That’s tiring. You stay home with the two best boys in the world. One who talks non-stop from waking to sleeping, the other who cries unless you hold him. You clean up really big messes over and over all day long. You see a lot of poop. You miss your husband. You think too much. Your house is dirty all the time…”
On and on and on. The wall had so much writing on it.
I was kind of mad at the wall, for bonking me in the face. But the wall has been somewhat validating too. He’s all, “you can’t run from the truth, lady!” And I’m all, “I’m FINE…I can handle this…I’m strong!!!” And he’s all, “Lady, relax. This is just hard. Life is like that. That’s okay. Maybe you just needed to hit me so you could catch a breath and take a look at what you’ve come through.”
Oh. Maybe….
Smart wall. If you hit a wall (of the exhaustion variety), what would he say?
{ 8 comments }
Heather, I'm so sorry. Life with little people *is* really hard. Add a new marriage & a new house & a house addition, and it tires me out just thinking about it.
I think the next wall I hit way say, “Ouch. Come on lady. Cut back on the ice cream just a touch, okay?”
Great post, babe.
This is brilliant, Heather. And man, can I relate.
I think my wall would say, “What have we said about going to bed earlier, hmmmm?”
My wall would say 1 hour before midnight is worth two hours after midnight. And fro some odd reason, I would keep crashing into him….
Great post! (hmmm…maybe some of my walls ARE posts!)
There’s hope for me! I also have a kiddo who talks ALL day long. Sometimes it’s great, but other times I wonder if it’s physically possible for my brain to spontaneously combust. Yet despite all the craziness of your last three years, you seem to have it together, so I’m gonna keep plodding along, too. My wall would be remind me to spread out my to-do list; I don’t need to burn myself out before 10am.
Yeah, I know what you mean. I’m about 200 hours behind on sleep since my son was born in December and my daughter talks nonstop all day… Which is mostly great except that I can never finish a thought… and I like to think! My wall would say “It’s ok to just drop everything and play with the kids until you feel better. Oh and supper is coming out of a can tonight.”
I think we have similar walls!
Relax and don’t expect too much from yourself. All those perfect moms out there? Aren’t. Not when you look close.
My wall would say:
“Stop being so unkind to yourself. At some point, we all falter. At some point, the reflection is unbearable–just remember that it’s a glass image and not a soul. Forgive. Forgive yourself and try again. Lean up against me until your legs are strong enough, lay your brown upon my coolness until you can bear to think again, and just know that I’m here. I’m always here. When you need to rest, I’ll support you. When you need something at your back to push away doubt and fear, I am here to lean on. Trust me. And forgive. Love, Your Wall.”
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