Good intentions

For those of us who try to keep remembering,
Try to do our better than our best.
Think of all the children in the drifts of snow.
Winners never quit, but winters never rest…
No, this is not a test. Taking numbers never made any sense.
Cause you can have it if you want it, anyways.
~She & Him {This is not a Test}

~~~~~~~~~~

I’m going to stop doing that. Today I’m not going to do that.

I’m going to start doing that. Today I’m going to start doing that.

I remember when I used to do that.
One day, I’ll start doing that again
or I’ll never do that again.

Doing.

I put so much weight on what I’m doing and not doing.
I carry so much weight, thinking about what I’m doing and not doing.
Right
Wrong
Too much
Not enough

It is good to strive to do the right things and not do the wrong things
and it’s defeating to strive to do the right things and not the wrong things

That’s it
the motivation
where does it come from?
fear, guilt and insecurity?
Well then, I’ll fail every time
because I’m looking at me so much that
I’m inward and self-deprecating and then
self-centered
and that makes everything all wrong
and not right.

So what if
I’m doing
all that I’m doing,
right or wrong
oh yes, even wrong
Because I’m loved?
Good enough
doing enough
Enough
Just like I am right now
so flawed and just fine at the same time.

Grace.

It’s the same way that I love my boys
no matter what they’re doing or not doing.
yes, it’s like that
and then they see love and feel love and live out of confidence
not out of a chased feeling of fear
or a drudgery forced by a wagging finger

Freedom
comes
and I do the right thing because I’m alright
and I don’t do so much wrong because I’m not all wrong
like I thought I was
when I look at Grace
the Grace that’s outside of me
that turns inside me

If I see love
and my goodness
even in my wrongs
I slowly change
and I’ll never get it all right
and that’s alright
because the wrongs will slip away
if they’re in the light of love
and forgiveness and acceptance,
because this grace is just that
a magnet for good
and while I’m walking
magnetized
I leave behind wrong
accidentally

There I’ll go
and while I’m here
I will always have
both
because that’s just life
and grace is not fair
it covers everything
even the things that I can never start doing
or stop doing
because of my humanity
my accepted humanity
of good intentions.

~~~~~~~~~~

And I’ll lay down this bottle of wine, if you please be kind to me.
My intentions they were pure
Oh the breeze did whip and I lost my grip
And I tumbled towards the earth
Where you never would guess who it was that stood below
And His name I would never tell
But His eyes were clear
And His arms were strong
And He caught me as I fell
~Ray LaMontagne {Hanna}