Elsie is sleeping and so I changed the laundry and I started dinner and I swept the floor. I hurried. I should be paying bills now, or calling in a prescription or sweeping the floor, again. There is so much dog hair when it’s this hot.
But I needed to come here, to just sit with my fingers tapping with words that are going in no particular direction or maybe in many directions.
We (the parents)are in the trenches, friends. We just are. We’re fighting a battle and I’m doing that thing where I over-think it hoping that I can miraculously come up with an answer that would fix the pain for Elsie. But I can’t. The reality is that she’s a newborn and she won’t always be one and her little gut will mature. (Yes, I do realize I keep saying that over and over, almost every time I post something. Maybe I’m reminding myself.) In the meantime, I don’t eat dairy or anything acidic and we have her on a medication for reflux and we have some homeopathic stuff called Colic Calm that seems to be helping with her immovable gas. *deep breath*
So we bounce and we keep her upright on a shoulder and she thrusts her little tongue out over and over every time she’s not crying. That’s what reflux does to a tongue. See?
That’s a blurry little frog tongue you’re seeing there. Believe me, it’s very cute. Thankfully she does not catch bugs with it.
In short: My poor baby.
Having a newborn makes you wonder how people are out in the world just doing stuff. I go into a hibernation of sorts in this stage, only occasionally running errands or that sort of thing. I like home. I want to be home. I want to sit with Elsie and just be, in the moments she’s content. I want to read books to my boys at night and I even want to sweep the stupid floor and pace the floors with the crying.
But it’s tiring to do it all at once. It’s also impossible. So all too often I feel exhausted and totally not done at the end of the day…but who is ever done? We all just spin the same day around for the next one to be the same, most of the time.
So it’s good to take breaks and go get coffee or go on a trip and it’s good to live the same day over and over, too. If you look at it that way. Doing the same things over and over but within a new day is a kind of gift, an art, if we allow it.
I forget to allow it a lot but sometimes I remember and that’s how I know I’m doing the best I can.
The End.
xoxo
{ 27 comments }
You are incredibly wise, you know that? And you are working incredibly hard. And I like you incredibly much.
Ann recently posted..I need help with some questions I have. Here they are.
Awwww… Am sending you so much LOVE right now. So much! And I am crossing every appendage and finger in hopes that little Elsie’s tummy troubles cease very, very soon.
tracey recently posted..Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot.
That little dear, with her tongue and her gut and oh WOW have I been there (Grace had reflux, and colic, and was a very very sad baby for a while). Yet even in the midst – the thick of it, the trenches – you are totally seeing the beauty, and that is really amazing. Bravo, my friend. xoxox
Have you tried Gripe Water? It is probably similar to the Colic Calm, but I recommend it to EVERYONE with newborns. It just helps with those periods of unexplained fussiness, hiccups and hard to get out gas. I’ve only been able to find the brand that worked best for us (Baby Bliss) at Walgreens. Good luck. It will get better.
Yes. We have Gripe Water. You’re right, it’s similar to Colic Calm. I think the only difference is that Colic Calm stimulates the gut to do its work and Gripe Water seems to calm and pop and gas bubbles :)
She sounds like my daughter when she was a newborn. In the end she needed to be on an elemental formula, called Nutramagen, which was basically predigested, along with the reflux meds. It wasn’t until she was 3 months old and had been failing to thrive that a health nurse finally figured it out, not the ped or any of the ER docs who had to rehydrate her numerous times when she’d refuse to eat anything.
That is why my hubby & I called that time baby boot camp. That is how it felt. Enjoy every single moment in the trenches, and every second you can get away for a little break, too.
Alita
Hi you,
Yes. Baby boot camp. I’m stealing that :)
I remember some four-ish years ago when Kelly said, help me figure out what to bring a friend who just had a baby. She can’t have dairy or tomatoes or really anything that might make her baby feel icky. I’m not even sure what she ended up bringing you but I remember feeling sad that you had to go through that. But look it, that baby just turned 4 and is thriving and happy and wonderful. I know it probably doesn’t feel like it but someday Elsie will be there too. time… you know how it goes.
hugs!
Sabrina recently posted..DIY Chair
Oh, the tongue. I don’t know if I can make it until her next appointment to talk to her Dr. about dosing, again. I just keep thinking that soon, maybe, that little muscle will figure it out and work and close up like it needs to. Hang in there. I’m thinking of you.
Amelia Sprout recently posted..Shadows
Awwww, boo. I’m so sorry Elsie is hurting. I hope it does get better fast. I can completely understand your need to lock down.
molly recently posted..Blogher 2011 & Voice of the Year
She’s so beautiful. I know easier days are ahead for you and your baby girl.
And you are spot on about this: “We all just spin the same day around for the next one to be the same, most of the time.”
Elaine recently posted..I’m over at The Red Dress Club!
Oh those cheeks.
I want to stay home everyday too. I would be happy to be home with my chicks in my nest all day everyday if I could.
But then I get cabin fever…
I am sorry she is still so sad. It will get better, we both know that. it’s just when you’re in the trenches, it’s hard to remember that.
xoxo
I’ve been there too with reflux and sympathize! I hate to give advice because I know you’ve probably tried everything, but tummy massage really helped my little ones with the gas… If you have her on her back and head slightly elevated and rub her tummy clockwise… Might be worth a try? Best of luck!
Twitchy fingers recently posted..Sunset
Yes, that’s something we do a lot. The bicycle legs and the massaging clockwise. I only know this because my second was also colicky…even more so than Elsie…so we tried EVERYTHING :)
Hang in there, mama. I love reading your recent posts – so honest and true. Enjoy every moment as much as you can (i am sure you know that already…). I was blessed with a very easy newborn – and cursed with awful PPD. I guess we all have our challanges in the eary days – but now, 2 years later, I wish I had really remembered and been there for those moments, as they are fleeting….
Your Elsie is stunning and sweet – try to get some sleep and take it easy on yourself.
She is lovely, which you know, and it won’t last forever, which you ALSO know. I am starting to get a little freaked about about my own baby girl arriving in the next six weeks so this is good, good, good for me to read and remember. Thank you for your words.
Kori recently posted..Family Relations
I had a colicky baby and, Lord have mercy, I am alive to talk about it. Better yet, that once miserable fella is now a thriving about to be high schooler and making his momma wish that his little 6 lb. crying body was still here. Ha. The fact is that IT WILL GET BETTER. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME and all of the sudden you will wake up and be at the better. You are doing an amazing job of reminding yourself. I like how you say the stuff to us and you acknowledge that it is also (or maybe even mostly) a lecture to yourself. I do that often. I read some book that says its good. If I can remember the book I’ll let you know. It also reminds me of how Beth Moore loves for us to say stuff out loud – how she says that scripture is good but when it is spoken from our lips (or in this case typed out which is the same if you ask me) it takes on a whole new strength. Kinda look at it this way, every time you hit one of those keys on the keyboard you are making your spirit that much stronger. Keep up the good work, you are one amazing girl.
Miss D. had colic and oh my, I was so afraid that it was going to last forever, even when I knew that wasn’t true. In the end, the doctor suggested that we put her on this stinky formula called Nutramigen which was, like, 22 bucks for a teeny tiny canister, and it turned out not to help one whit. So just sayin’…don’t bother with Nutramigen. :)
You’re doing so well, Heather. Even in the shitstorm, you are able to see.
TheKitchenWitch recently posted..Simple Pleasures
That last picture of her is great, and I’m thinking I see a bit of you in her?! :) She’s beautiful. I’m hoping she’ll overcome her uncomfortableness soon, it’s definitely the pits when you do all you know how and still little baby isn’t feeling her best. Just a little time is all she needs, I’m sure of it. Thanks for taking some time between bouncing and “brooming” (er, sweeping….someone called it that on TV, thought it was funny) to let us know how everyone was doing.
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Don’t you feel shocked that the world just continues to go on without you while you’re in the newborn phase? I can remember going to to pick up a Father’s Day gift just after my first was born thinking, “They have no idea that I just had a baby. Maybe I should tell them? They just have these lives that are existing outside of my tiny little world.” Is it just me who felt that way?
Nope. Not just you. It could be just you and me…but I know it’s not just you…since it’s also me :) I feel the same way at first, like I’m an alien or something. An alien with a secret :)
Oh…our little Mae Mae had reflux. With my two little ones I felt I began to come out of the newborn fog after about 4 months. Something magical happened at that magic month.
I do not think there is a more helpless feeling than when your child hurts and you feel that you can’t help them. Every tear feels like their tiny fist against your chest screaming, “mommy help me”. But she does know that you are there to help her. Your boys know you are there too. Hoping that the rhythm of the sweeping soothes your soul and that the light cuts through the fog and that you know that every day you take one step further up that ladder taking you out of the “newborn trenches”. Please know that you are not alone.
I’m so sorry to hear the babe is hurting! This is clearly going to make me sound like an ignorant mom, but I had no idea what colic was when my daughter had it 11 years ago. I just thought she was a VERY agitated small person that I didn’t know how to take care of. At times like that, i most certainly wish I hadn’t been the first of my friends to have a baby!
It is a gift, isn’t it? The fact that we get to wake up each day and start again and have the hope that maybe this day will be a bit easier than the last. But it’s hard to remember that when there are tears and not enough sleep and so much dog hair.
So you are wise to remind us. Strength to you, my friend, here in the middle of it. Strength and love.
xo
Kristen @ Motherese recently posted..How Much is Too Much?
Oh you are so strong! I appreciate these honest words on newborn-ness. Love you lady!!!
Becky (Princess Mikkimoto) recently posted..Eddie
goodness – she looks JUST like you. so cute!!
sorry to hear about the colic – do you do “Itsy Bitsy Yoga”? with her? It TOTALLY helped my colic-y oldest.
Hang in there – sending lots of love.
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