The truth is that The Now is still really hard. I make jokes with Ryan that I wish we had loads of money so we could have loads of help. Would I really want to spend my money on loads of help? I don’t know. I fantasize about having a cleaning service and a cook and well…basically another Heather, to act like me when I just need a half hour to be Heather-Somewhere-Else.
Do you see the little hole they’re peeking through in this picture.
It made me think of blogging. How we get this peek into each other’s lives but we can really only see so much. No matter how authentic a person tries to be, the hole is only so big.
So I really am who you see in there, but I just thought you should know that I’m sometimes a real jerk. I don’t say that to be mean to myself, I just thought you should know because it’s not like pretty pictures and words that describe a positive perspective are going to tell you that.
I keep trying, but some forms of exhaustion are just un-overcome-able, you know?
Today I’m going to take this window of time I have right now, while Daddy hasn’t yet left for work and Elsie is freshly fed and I’m going to go for a run.
(I’m not even kidding. This is so not like me. But here I go.)
Have a good weekend, friends.
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Go you! We all need that break, that refresher, and girl- seriously- we’re *all* jerks sometimes! So there. XO
Galit Breen recently posted..Setting the Scene
Oh, we are definitely in similar places right now. I would absolutely spend money (if I had some) on help. Hope you had an awesome run!
Emma @ emmasota recently posted..Breaking Your Own Rules
Sometimes, I am a jerk, too.
I have felt the same way about the hole that we get to see tiny pieces of via blogging and even Facebook. It is deceptive at times.
Even though I pride myself on authenticity and transparency, last year I had someone on FB post a comment to my husband and me about how she “wished she could have the kind of marriage we do”.
It was laughable because we were going through one of the lowest points of our 17 years, wondering if we were even going to make it.
I questioned all my so-called authenticity at that point, because what was being portrayed was not reality.
Anyway, that was a ramble. I hope you enjoy your run. I know I am less jerky if I get some time to myself, away from everything that is hard…particulary the laundry I am currently walking on top of in my pantry. —–> A jerk who perperually avoids doing laundry for her family. :)
Tasha@ The Whole Mom recently posted..Something Tangible
I think about authenticity online all the time too. I mean, it goes both ways, really. I think we accidentally only seem one way sometimes…and then there’s the perspective of the person reading the post or update–we can’t control HOW they’re reading it, if that makes sense. Everyone sees things differently because of their own experiences and beliefs so it’s tricky to be seen through a lot of different lenses.
Now I’m rambling and Elsie is crying and I have been a jerk already about 5 times this morning so off I go…
Oh my goodness friend, sometimes we’re all jerks. I have a PhD in Jerkosity.
And I dream of having a cleaning service. And a babysitter I could always call on.
Katherine @ Postpartum Progress recently posted..Mental Illness Awareness Week: You Are The Best Kind of F@#KED UP
Yes! Money for a Mama-clone. What a genius idea, you big ol’ jerk.
xo
Kristen @ Motherese recently posted..The Woman on the Bike
My lovely friend…. it is never perfect. But it IS perfectly authentic to share what you want to share in this space at the very moment you want to share it – whether that is joy or hearbreak, frustration or completely jerkosity (thank you Katherine :) And you aren’t any LESS authentic if you don’t share every single emotion every day. Consider how many up and down days you HAVE shared in this space.
You are beautiful. And you need a little space and you are going for a run. Good for you.
Miss your face. xoxo
Danielle Smith recently posted..How Do Mustached Americans Choose An Appropriate City In Which To Live?
Yes. That is blogging. That is us.
Have a great weekend, friend.
Amy @ Never-True Tales recently posted..Retro Family Movie Night, Take 33
You know even if we blog a gazillion times that we are horrible people, people will still draw their own conclusions. If they think we are awesome, no amount of writing (besides maybe cursing the entire way through with threats of harm and such–you know extreme things) will convince them otherwise.
But thanks for being as authentic as you are!
Gianna recently posted..Pictures Are the Proof
I’m extremely jerk-ish at times. And mostly with the ones I love and that love me back – what is THAT about?
And you’re right, blogging is so much like looking through that little hole.
Hope you had a good run. :)
Elaine recently posted..Quarterly Top 5
I recently subscribed to your blog. I read a few sober mom blogs, have over the past 2 years. Enjoy them all and…yours is like exhaling clean..so real and with no pretense whatsoever. Love it and thank you!
Mom-time ranks high on the priority list in my home. I think it saved my mind when kids were small. good for you for running when you have a few mins. I have taken to walking when I have 15 mins to spend alone these days.
oh, how I hear you.
I’m a jerkity jerkface way more than I want to be.
I’d probably give my left arm for a mother or mother in law to watch our kids on an overnight so I could have ONE FLIPPING NIGHT AWAY with my husband…
And the people who get those chances all the damn time (and have cleaning ladies) and still complain how tired, overwhelmed, etc…
well, they are the REAL jerks!
:)
xxoo
I always appreciate your authenticity. It is hard right now- be easy on you!
Jess recently posted..The Mother and the Engineer Consider the Geology of the Great Lakes Region
We all have to be jerks sometimes, right? Even the most eloquent and gorgeous among us down right stinks some days. Wish we could present these well-rounded pictures of ourselves without the judgement that would ensue.
Kelly recently posted..Costume How To: Part 1
Hi there. I think you’re entirely right about just exposing a certain peek into each other’s lives. But that’s totally normal and to be expected . . . it’s part of the writing process this “editing” we do. And how lucky we writers/bloggers are to be able to present certain parts to the world and maintain some privacy too. I think when people reveal everything it can be an intrusion on the lives of the OTHER people who are in our lives (partner, kids, friends, etc.)
Anyway, my point is, you are RIGHT, but it’s nothing to feel bad about it. Boundaries aren’t the worst thing.
Nina B recently posted..How to Blog without Annoying Your Friends and Family
Hi Nina,
Sure, I agree. And not being able to share everything is not bad. I wasn’t saying I felt bad about it. My point was more about how this smaller view can lead to people naturally concluding things that aren’t true. We have a tendency to assume things of course even if the blogger isn’t attempting to portray themselves a certain way. And so much of the time people peek in through a skewed lens, comparing. Not always, but it happens.
How was that run?
You know, I want to take a break from blogging and all things Internet for a while but I don’t want to appear like a jerk LOL. You know, THAT person that takes a break and makes all the other bloggers feel like crap because they aren’t taking a break for their family.
I know that’s not what you were saying but it’s what it brought up in my mind.
Steph
Adventures In Babywearing recently posted..I love the way you wear your baby… at the train station.
Heather, I read this with tears and understanding in my eyes. Anxiety and depression are not easy mental illnesses-they tear a person up inside. Mine really came out once I had my babies and then the miscarriages and it turned me into a hollow shell of who I used to be. Now I am okay with my stuff, I take my meds without guilt, and feel like I can share my story with others. Because sometimes the shitty stuff just needs to be said–like this post. I know that my blog doesn’t share every part of myself, but it does share those things I think need to be aired–take it or leave it. It’s hard, though, to put oneself out there to be defined by one post with people taking your words wrong or whatever. I get it and I am glad that you are here with your wise soul.
Amber recently posted..I Blame My Hair
Wait? You went for a RUN?
Kim recently posted..The Evolution of a Babywearing Prairie Mama
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