Today is the first day in a long time that I’m functioning on more than three hours of sleep. (I use the word “functioning” loosely.) My Elsie woke only once in the night and that was around midnight. The next time I woke up the clock read 5 something. I stared at it for a while, confused. How can that be?
I tried to go back to sleep, but of course, there I was wondering if she was okay. She just recently moved across the hall and so she’s a million miles away in my mother heart.
At 6:15 I just couldn’t take it anymore and I went in to peek at her. She made a little snoring sound and of course I couldn’t leave it at that. I had to touch her, I couldn’t help myself.
She woke up.
I was okay with that.
There have been so many times lately that I have not been okay with that.
It is astounding, the difference a few hours of sleep can make. Today I am semi-sane, a little more peaceful. Maybe even a touch content.
Just so you know, the bags under my eyes have not gotten the memo. They speak of four months of less than three hours of sleep a night and all the worry that comes with having an uncomfortable baby and an adjustment to life with school in it.
Speaking of…both my boys are in school now. Asher started preschool. Miles is a month into kindergarten. They’re like, totally practically grown ups.
I want to show you some pictures but every time I have a moment to finish one of the six posts I’ve been starting and stopping, Elsie is taking one of her notoriously short naps a nap in the room with the computer with pictures on it. (Yes. Elsie is currently sleeping in the office.) (It’s better than when Asher was a baby and his crib was in the walk-in closet. heh.)
It appears this is all I have time for. Elsie just woke up from a long autumn’s nap fifteen minute nap. This girl and sleep….I tell you…it’s really something.
On Twitter, some friends told me the things they did for long periods of time in a desperate attempt to get their babies to sleep. One bounced on a yoga ball while holding the baby in the bathroom with the fan on. For a year. I could not judge. I have experienced two very difficult babies and you just gotta do what you gotta do.
If you have any, I’d love to hear your stories. Did you drive around every night? Did you rock and rock for hours? Did you, as another friend described, do deep knee bends repeatedly to stop the crying?
We parents. We really love, don’t we?
{ 52 comments }
Hrm. Swing abuse (using for every nap). Cosleeping (still do it, makes me feel less guilty about the time outside of the office). Middle of the night, rocking in the office chair while singing The Cure & Beatles songs. Never sitting down on the couch without a baby on my lap.
This one, she sleeps better. I think it is part luck, part I was more aggressive with the reflux meds. Or perhaps it is just that she doesn’t nap at daycare for more than 45 minutes so she sleeps AWESOME at home. ;)
Amelia Sprout recently posted..The Watchers & The Jeans
I love it that you sing The Cure and Beatles. In our office chair, we’re always resorting to really lame songs. I have no idea why, but both Ryan and I become fuddy duddies when singing to a baby.
And I’m all for cosleeping. Elsie is in our bed half the time. Until lately when she seems to wake even more. That made me sad cause I liked it. Just saying.
My son was a HORRIBLE sleeper. Absolutely terrible. At 9 months old he was still only sleeping 2-3 hours at a time. After talking to the Pediatrician and trying EVERYTHING under the sun that we could think of (including riding around in the car trying to get him to snooze), we went for the cry-it-out method. I didn’t want to, but I was reaching the point of medical exhaustion and they were about to have to put me in the hospital to get some rest. It worked. The second night after we did it, he slept 7 straight hours. And has been a great sleeper since.
Courtney @ The Mommy Matters recently posted..Life Changing
We danced. Every night for my now 5 year old until he was just too heavy to do it anymore, around 9 months. Swaying back and forth, passed off between his father and I. He would also only stay asleep in his swing, and that’s a fun thing to try to get a kid in without waking after dancing around without bonking his head or just flipping him around. I swore we wouldn’t do that when my youngest came along, and we didn’t. But she’s now 3 and JUST started sleeping through the night, thus so did I. So obviously, I suck at this sleep thing.
C @ Kid Things recently posted..You Damn Dear Dog
For Eloise – I did the baby-dance or the swing NON-STOP for the first 6 months of her life. It is STILL a vivid memory. GAH! She cried ALL DAY FOR SIX MONTHS. OMG.
For Esther – she just sat and smiled and slept and I never EVER had to get her to sleep nor did she cry. Second child thing I believe.
For Astrid – OMGAH I thought Eloise was bad until I had her..everyone said your third is suppose to be easy. Astrid did not mellow out until she turned TWO. TWO. No sleep until she was TWO. TWO. OMG – but now she is lovely and sleeps 12 hours a night…but I looked like a zombie for two year. Not pretty when you are already 42.
Love you xoxo
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..I Like Target – If a Two Year Old Wrote a Jingle
Oh lady. That Astrid.
And third baby=easy. Yeah, people said that to me too. Now. I LAUGH.
Also. Love you back.
JUst who told you 3 was easy??!! I remember 3 being the breaking point, the changer of things. IF you could get through 3 it was easy after that :) Now at 8, I’d probably agree…and having the 4 girls first probably helped a lot! I LOVE MY HELPERS!!
Lots of people said their third baby was their easiest. But actually HAVING three kids–some people said it was a piece of cake to adjust and many others said it was the hardest adjustment. I suppose it all depends. But I think there is something about going from 2 to 3 that ROCKS the family world. Maybe just learning how to be outnumbered :)
Who says the 3rd is easy????!!! I’m with Kelly JO! I thought I was going to die after my 3rd? He had reflux and was our crabbiest baby ever. 4 was ridiculously easy compared to 3!
I call our drives across town to starbucks the “nuclear option.” When nothing else works and baby needs to sleep and mommy needs coffee, I throw her in the car, put on my book on CD (usually it’s about murder, go figure) and by the time I get to starbucks, she’s out.
Maybe your sweet E is a tummy sleeper. My E sucked at naps until she learned to flip over. Okay, who am I kidding? She still sucks at naps. Today, I let her nap on my shoulder while I watched an episode of Mad Men.
I may or may not have created this problem :) Oh well.
Lyz recently posted..All Your Leafs Are Belong To Us
I love your “oh well” attitude. I think that’s how it should be. It sure does alleviate STRESS. We mothers over-think enough as it is. Sometimes, ya just gotta ROLL with it. Which you are doing so nicely. Literally. :)
I love reading your posts but its is hard to imagine that we went to school together. My only is a junior and will be 17 next week. Another baby never has happened with my current husband of 11 years. I’m kinda living vicariously through you by reading your posts -good and harder times
I used to pace up and down the hall in our previous house, getting G to sleep for his naps. He would not just lay down and go to sleep. I wore down the carpet in the hallway for sure.
Elaine recently posted..Nicknames I promise your kids don’t have…
Hmmm…. lemme see…
Meg shared my bed until she was 3. I spent an hour each night lying next to her until she dozed off. At that point, I’d attempt to sneak out of the room without waking her. I liken the experience to breaking into the Kremlin for some top secret pictures. Of course, you’re gonna get caught.
Em was a 28 week preemie. By the time she came home from the hospital she was accustomed to sleeping with the lights on (as they do in the NICU) – and loved the sound of the constantly beeping monitors. My quiet & dim apartment was NOT ok. It took a few months to break her of sleeping during the day.
Elle slept through the night from 4 weeks ok. Went to bed at 7 – got up at 7. I have no idea how I accomplished this. I’m pretty sure she did it entirely on her own. I was too shocked to pay attention to the details.
Abby started sleeping through the night at some point after she turned 1. She and Lars are less than a year apart – and he was a 30 week preemie who had spent the first 6 weeks of his life amongst the lights and sounds of a NICU. We played musical bedrooms when Lars came home… Abby moved in with Elle – the big girls stopped sleeping together in what is now the guest room… and Lars got his own room. Abby eventually caught on and slept for several hours at a stretch… however – the tv is on – and she went to bed with a bottle until she turned 3 this last month.
Lars is 2 now and rarely sleeps through the night. Sometimes I cry about it. Mostly when I’m exhausted. At this point in time I have a 4, 3 & 2 yr old… and no longer have much of my hair, my mind, or my sanity.
Both of mine are soooo different with sleeping – the oldest (now 4) needed to co-sleep and did until I was uncomfortably pregnant with the youngest (now 2). I initially moved my oldest out of the bed when I weaned her at 15 months – but she ended up back with us almost every night. Now she sleeps pretty good at night and resists her nap with all of her being every afternoon, which means that by 7pm she’s a tiger and needs to go to bed – but Daddy doesn’t get home until 6-6:30ish so she stays up – it’s vicious, I wish I could simply get her to sleep for an hour in the afternoon! The days that she does we have splendid evening family times. My 2 year old never slept well if he was in the same bed with us so he moved to a baby bed in our room early on then to the regular crib around 6 months old. When he gets over tired I have to let him cry it out – he refuses to be held, and just lays on his bed and cries until he falls asleep – it’s miserable, so I do my best to make sure nap time is a sacred time around here. Most of the time he’ll simply lay down in his bed, play quietly for anywhere from 1 minute to 30 minutes then fall asleep. It’s wonderful. Our biggest struggle? The kids share a room – so the 4 year old tends to keep the 2 year old awake longer than he needs to be… ending up in the whole cry yourself to sleep method my 2 year old has adopted.
Most of my nights are interrupted by at least one of the munchkins – but the nights I get to sleep until the clock says 5:30am? Those are GLORIOUS and I feel like a brand-new woman the next day!
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Holy wow. This is when I say “I don’t know how she does it.” heh.
My hat is off to you!
I remember Asher’s closet bedroom! :)
Co-sleeping saved my sanity! After 2 months of trying everything, i finally just said, Bring him to me and let him sleep next to me. He slept 6 hour strait!!! Going from 1.5-2 hours to 6 hours was a MIRACLE!!!! He is now doing part time crib and part time co-sleeping. He has only slept through the night once or twice, but the fact that he can sleep 5-6 hours in a row is so nice!
Anyway… I’m glad your E is sleeping better! YAY!!!
Sabrina recently posted..5 Months!
Hi you!
I love it that co-sleeping is working for you guys. Some babies just know that’s what they want and then they calm down and SLEEP. BLISS.
It seemed to help my E for a while too and then WhAm! notsomuch. I really love it though. I love having her close.
here’s to hoping for more nights like last night.
I’m so glad your E is giving you 5-6 hours now!
Oh girrrrl, the things we tried with Nate the non sleeper. My husband had to take a 45 minute drive every single night to get him to sleep. Then we would transfer him to the swing for a night of click CLACK click CLACK click CLACK as the swingy swung. Due to reflux he had to sleep upright, so if it wasn’t the swing it was the bouncy chair. We even had the bouncy chair IN our bed for awhile. Then, the little cracker got so used to sleeping upright that he wouldn’t sleep flat. So my husband took apart the swing and built this wooden base thingy dingy for the swing seat to rest in on our bedroom floor. Slowly, we lined the wooden base thingy dingy with towels, layer by layer, week by week, til the kid was flat. A towel sneak attack. Then he slept flat but still woke up. Constantly. We even went to the sleep clinic at AI Dupont in desperation, when we went a few months waking up EVERY. SINGLE. HOUR. Their suggestion? Cry it out. Which we tried. And every time, he w ould vomit. Goood times. Then for awhile, every single night my darling husband would take the child and curl his 6’6″ frame around him on the couch, to catch a few Z’s. Then we tried his mattress next to our bed. Then we tried moving his mattress slowly towards his room. Then we tried sleeping on his floor next to his bed. Then we tried all sleeping together. You get the idea??
Now, the child is almost 4. And almost every single cotton pickin’ night he still sneaks into bed with us, and I huff off to the guest room to avoid getting kicked in the spleen. He still sucks at sleeping, STILL. He is lucky he is cute.
Kate recently posted..WW boringgggggg
YOU. Need some sort of award. Like a money one. You should get money.
Kid #2- very specific routine of swaddling using the Miracle Blanket, rocking hard, shhh-ing in his ear, etc. Kid #3- swaddled tightly in Miracle Blanket, in the vibrating bouncy seat, with a blow dryer ON right underneath him the entire time he slept (hey, at least I didn’t have to rock him, lol!). I don’t remember much from Kid #1, plus she went to FT daycare for 10+hrs a day.
Good luck- it’ll get better!!!
Lisa/Mommy Mo recently posted..You made me a mama the first time
I remember the blow dryer thing from an email. WOW.
We shush really loud in Elsie’s ear too. And rock violently. And swaddle.
We used to have to stand and bounce and bounce and bounce…but we’ve graduated. :)
My daughter is a terrible sleeper so I have no advice. I do whatever I can to get her to sleep, rock her, lay beside her, cuddle her.
It’s terrible.
Just know I’m thinking of you
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after bawling my face off at 4 a.m. one sad, sad night with my first child, i finally turned on the vacuum, sat down in a chair so the noise was right next to our faces and enjoyed a glorious 1 1/2 hr nap. i also blew out two hairdryers on that kid. the fella was a fan of the white noise.
so glad you’re getting at least a little more sleep!
p.s. the bags under my eyes have never recovered. and that vacuum-lovin’ boy is now 6 years old.
lynsey recently posted..a blessing.
Vacuums and hair dryers. That IS love for white noise.
We have all three of our kiddos addicted to white noise…but only of the fan variety :)
When Sy came home after his 4 month hospital stay, we did not put him down other than to change him or give him a bath for his first 5 weeks. If we did, he cried. And when he cried we watched his oxygen saturation on his pulse oximeter drop. Not good. So Ryan and I took shifts. I of course held him all day and through the night we took four hour shifts in the living room. Sy only didn’t cry when he was being held TIGHTLY, being patted on the bum and the person holding had to be standing…and sometimes sitting. Never lying down. It was exhausting, but we did it and we feel we gained much needed time with our boy who spent so much time in an isollette.
Ivy was better, but still BAD. She slept in her carseat (which we placed in the crib) until she was almost a year.
August is my easiest. He sleeps about 2-3 hours a time at night. He’s happiest in the Moby so sometimes, I tuck him in and we get into bed together. :)
So glad Elsie is sleeping some. Hugs Mama!
Bri recently posted..Pink [Small Style]
They just need us, don’t they? It’s as it should be, methinks. But wow is it exhausting! It cracks me up that we think 2-3 hour stretches are long and five hour stretches are GLORIOUS. :)
Oh sleep drama! My darling daughter has to be next to me (not my wonderful husband) to sleep. She spent the first 6 months napping in slings, constant movement, no sitting but it was still a struggle to get her to actually fall asleep so this means it could take hours to get her to take a 30 minute nap. Now she wants me in bed with her and she needs to be pinching me. Yes pinching! And it hurts! But at least she eventually stops when she falls asleep and I can do some blog reading while I lay next to her :) or sometimes take a nap myself. At night we co-sleep which has gotten better in last week thank goodness because for a looooong while there was not a whole lot of sleeping going on. Thank goodness they’re cute!
Katherine recently posted..Oh really it’s Wednesday?
With my oldest I would hold her in a burp position & walk on my knees. I have no idea why it worked butbit totally did!
With my youngest nothing worked except letting her stay latched on for hours (I’m talking from 4pm to 10pm).
walk on your knees! Now that. Is love!
Oh my gosh, mommy, I so feel for you. My youngest is one and a half, and she’s sleeping all night and napping for 2 hours every afternoon. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t thank effing goodness that we’ve made it to this point. You will get there and your bags will disappear, just keep chugging along!
Also… when my oldest was a baby, I held her for EVERY SINGLE NAP she took until she was about 15 months old. I also sat with her on the couch and held her for an hour or so until she was asleep at night! I can’t imagine what I was thinking! I was just so terrified of hearing her cry after I’d been convinced that she was sleeping. With my youngest baby… I have to admit that I let her work it all out and cry in her crib until she learned to soothe herself to sleep.
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A baby in a carseat strapped in on top of a running clothes dryer – that was the most outlandish thing I have ever heard tried to get a baby to sleep.
It worked for us!
Christa recently posted..daring to be…
My husband would rock slowly back and forth in the upstairs guest bathroom with the exhaust fan on singing weird renditions of Journey songs…whatever one has to do to get some sleep. I’m impressed you’ve lasted this long with such little sleep. Hang in there!
Peg recently posted..Out Of The Mouths Of Babes…
Oh yes, the yoga ball. It was the only way my 1st would go to sleep.
The oddest? Getting IN THE CRIB with her until she fell asleep and then quietly (as quietly as a grown woman can) climbed out of the crib and went back to bed. I HAD to get some sleep. And she wouldn’t fall asleep without me. And I was tired. And trying to get her out of my bed.
You do what you’ve gotta do… :)
Katie recently posted..Remembering. And wondering.
My first two kids were easy peasy sleepers. My third is a nightmare. I would do anything and everything to get him to go to sleep. Sing, rock, drive, bounce, walk, lay with him, anything. And once he finally fell asleep? The slightest thing would wake him up. It took until he was about a year old for it to finally ease up. Now he’s a semi-decent sleeper.
I don’t have any magic tricks to offer, just know that I know how it goes. And I’m sorry you’re going through it too. Hugs.
Kimberly recently posted..Drying His Tears
Last winter, when no one was napping, I took to getting in the car 60-90 minutes before school let out so Teyla (3) and Kieran (less than 1 at the time) would sleep. If they fell asleep right away, I would drive back home and park my running car in the garage (with the door open) and let it idle away.
Bad for gas mileage and murder on motors. But it SAVED my sanity. Worth every penny.
Kelly @ Love Well recently posted..The Rizers
Oh Heather, sleep deprivation is just bad. Bad bad bad. I spent Hal’s first 10 months holding him all night. Often while standing. Lots of tight hugging while nursing while shushing. Boy am I glad that’s over. He is asleep in his own room right now and has been for four hours! It really does happen! WHEE!!!
I never did anything crazy…except get so tired from no sleep that I had double vision and they thought I had a tumor!!! ;) We sure do love. So deeply.
I am really inspired by these Just Write posts. Thank you.
Tiffany recently posted..Random Just Write
I just wanted to let you know that now that I have a crier myself, I have been reading your posts avidly hoping for a glimpse of something like hope. And my Josie isn’t nearly as colicy as it sounds like your Elsie has been, but it’s been enough to make me feel like…well, The Biggest Failure In the Parenting World. So this was good news to read this morning, and I am happy for you.
Oh I’m sorry you have a crier! It’s just so so so hard. You aren’t a bad parent…it’s just HARD. Things have been better with the crying for a little over a month now, so I hope that encourages you. Elsie stopped constant screaming at about three months. I think it was a combination of her maturing gut and using Little Tummy gas drops before or during a feeding, rather than after. That seemed to help a lot. I also got something called Happy Tummi – it wraps around their belly after warming it in the microwave. It helped soften her gassy belly. Or something like that. I think they’re available in some stores and also online.
Peace to you! It WILL get better.
I never knew I could sing until I was sick until I had my first baby.
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I put Leo (my terrible sleeper refluxy 3 month old) in his carseat and attach that to the stroller and lay my bed and push him BACK AND FORTH BACK AND FORTH BACK AND FORTH FOREVER. It’s become automatic. I use my foot a lot of the time to do it. The other day I was pushing it back and forth and I realized he wasn’t even in it…my husband was with him. This kid refuses to take naps during the day, as well. OY!
Allison Zapata recently posted..Wordless(ish) Thursday: Because I Can.
ah yes, sleep. My little guy has been a decent sleeper and it is STILL a struggle. I read some of the comments above with the utmost empathy…I don’t know how you all do it! We nurse, rock, and ultimately wrap him in a woven wrap (like a Moby but not stretchy) and walk. For miles and hours sometimes. Just recently discovered he’ll settle for bouncing on the exercise ball which is SO nice after all the walking.
For the first 4 plus months we had a midnight bedtime. I had lots of tears between 10-12 when I really just wanted to be asleep. Now we’ve gotten him to go to sleep earlier but he is waking up more often.
And I have a feeling that when sleep is no longer the biggest challenge of parenting there will be a new challenge. And yet somehow it’s still so worth it, isn’t it?
heidi recently posted..things more important than sleep
Heather, I think of you whenever my little guy (almost 3 months) is fussy, and I’m SO glad Elsie is doing better & SLEEPING some for you!!! It is AMAZING how much better it feels when we get some sleep!! :)
Carrie recently posted..Preschool – Letter D!
When my oldest was a baby who didn’t sleep, I would put him in his little baby seat and turn on the vacuum cleaner. Sometimes I would actually vacuum and other times just let it run for a bit. The sound always conked him out. And I had very clean carpets.
He is 24 yrs old now and STILL a night owl, but he doesn’t live with me anymore so that’s ok :)
I was a yoga ball bouncer with both boys. Oh man, I was in good lower-body shape but the rest of me was mush, especially my brain. Neither of them slept well until they could roll over and sleep on their stomachs, which wasn’t until 8 months. I know that’s better than some babes, though. Anyway, you have my total sympathies.
Jessica@Team Rasler recently posted..Cures for the Common Blues
I’m literally three days into newborn baby bliss, so I can’t say exactly what lengths I’ll go to with baby #2, especially since baby #1 was a great sleeper from the start. But suddenly, with a toddler running around, I can see that all the things I swore I would never do might go flying out the window with this one.
laura @ hollywood housewife recently posted..welcome to the world perfect pirate
One of my babies was a light sleeper so I bought one of those little white-noise machines to put next to his crib. I think it really helped disguise all those little noises that wake up a light sleeper. (I suppose it’s similar to the hair dryer ideas mentioned before, though perhaps a bit safer.) Many years later I now use it in our master bedroom to help me fall asleep!
No stories about soothing crying babies. BUT, our last two kids have slept in our walk-in closet for the first 18 months of their lives. Dark, quiet, well-ventilated–perfect.
nicole recently posted..The Well
Sweetie. Oh sweetie. I just can’t even tell you how many things we tried. Brigham was such a tough baby. And a sucky sucky sleeper. Part of that isn’t his fault because he was so sick his first year.
But the number 1 thing I had to do? I was forced to stop breastfeeding and go on some very very heavy meds that were not safe for BF. I realized I couldn’t change his behavior. But I could change mine ;)
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