stay

I kind of want to keep each little snapshot version of these children of ours. They just keep changing too fast with all that growing so fast. If we could keep each one, we’d have like 569 Miles’ and 348 Ashers and 72 Elsie Janes.

That’s 989 varying sizes of the kids we’ve come to know that are gone and also not gone because they’re all way down deep inside these growing people.

If we had kept them all, Newborn Miles and Infant Miles and another Infant Miles and then a Newborn Asher until a Toddler Asher–you get the idea–we’d be bumping around and into each other, and there would be babies and toddlers and preschoolers everywhere and more would be added all the time. They’d look around at their old selves and I’d be all, SEE? Look at you, that’s how you were! And now there you are! Here! And there and there and there! 

Then none of us would forget and I wouldn’t feel like I’m always saying goodbye.

But since that would be way too overwhelming and also totally weird, I take a lot of pictures and deep breaths instead. That way it’s like I get to ask them to hold on, just stop, stay a little longer! 

Elsie Jane {already 8 months}

P.S. Just yesterday I was telling Ryan how I don’t know how to describe how I feel and there are so many different things heavy on my mind and heart and I feel kind of all mixed up and in limbo and belonging nowhere. Or something. Then this morning I read a post called the truth of onions over at one wild and precious life and I felt more understood and less lonely. That’s one of my favorite things about blogging. You won’t be sorry at all if you read it. It’s beautiful and yes, it’s heavy but sometimes it’s just how life feels.