unwrapped

December 29, 2014

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Many unwrapped gifts are still under the tree, waiting their turns for attention. We sit close on the couch, in the first morning light and eat my sister’s banana bread while making yum sounds. We sit together and even if we don’t talk for a long time, we’re here.

With the kiddos on break, we are lazing around, finally, after all the holiday running. Piles of Legos are like minefields across two rooms. I look around at the Christmas decorations and consider putting them away, but then I don’t. We like having strings of lights inside the house.

We have had all the winter germs inside our bodies. Strep and Influenza, infections, and plain old nasty colds. Please let us be done. That’s a lofty goal, to be done, but please. We are coughing and coughing, sometimes in unison, shaking up the quiet house.

In the mornings, I look at Facebook for a bit, and hardly look again all day. The Internet is kind of a floppy and slippery thing in my life. It is that fish that won’t sit still, one I cannot hold and need to set free. My part in the worldwide web’s collective voice, although it was always a bit squeaky in my opinion, is now almost completely quiet. I try to clear my throat and start again, but nothing happens when I breathe deep and try to speak, or yell. I just cough. This tells me it is just fine to be quiet.

There are things that I write now, and have been writing all along, offline. Some of them will be shared someday, maybe? Some of them most certainly will not.

I used to care too much about this voice of mine. But like letting go of any habit, the trigger finger stills, and the need goes dormant.

It’s been a long time since I stepped back from the Internet, but I thought you should know that it felt more like a peaceful sigh than a worn out white flag surrender.

Truth be told, I’m a writer, so I still want to write every moment, tell every story, speak every thought and feeling into black and white on paper or screen. But this goal is too lofty, and yet tempting to chase, so I will say this for today and it will be enough.

The morning light has gone from an orange glow to a full bright white. We sit together and even if we don’t talk for a long time, we’re here.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Kate December 29, 2014 at 11:45 am

I’ve stepped far, far away as well, more perusing the medium than actually jumping in to the fray. But I’ve been writing way more since freeing myself from the webs, in actual pen and paper, regularly in a silent and solo file in my computer. My voice will always be there, but this year, above the rest, I’m ok with not sharing that voice with the masses, people who simply don’t know me or take the time to understand. The right ones nod in understanding as they read my words. That’s all I need at this moment.

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anna whiston-donaldson December 29, 2014 at 7:22 pm

Beautiful! Lovely to hear your voice. Know that I’m here, whenever, wherever…
anna whiston-donaldson recently posted..6 Little Words

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Jo December 30, 2014 at 12:44 am

i love this and I totally and completely relate. Xoxo

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Amanda December 30, 2014 at 10:58 am

I think that sometimes in the pauses we dare to take, we discover just how strong we really are.

Enjoy.
Amanda recently posted..Reclaiming Control Meant Letting Go

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Megan Tietz December 30, 2014 at 9:46 pm

I understand and I am there so very much. So so much.

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Amber @ Beautiful Rubbish December 30, 2014 at 11:17 pm

I love this. I resonate with this stepping back and caring too much for my own voice and the peaceful sigh of letting less public sharing of my writing, sometimes, be enough. However often I hear your voice, just for the record, though, I am grateful for it.
Amber @ Beautiful Rubbish recently posted..On earthy hope, cocoons and the edges of wildness

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Kat December 31, 2014 at 11:04 am

Yep. All of it. I feel it all.
I have been stepping back from the internet too and it has been blissful. Freeing. I blog when I feel like it and stay away from FB quite a bit. It feels so good not to feel as though I have a nagging duty to this ridiculous computer.

I hope you and your family have a wonderful 2015!
Kat recently posted..It’s Gettin’ Good

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Lynda M Otvos January 18, 2015 at 2:51 pm

May each step we take lead the way to Peace, in our homes, our hearts, our communities and the larger world.

Let the unwrapped gifts become next year’s gift pile. We stopped years ago playing at the consumer game and the entire family is happier for it. Sitting for hours, just being. We are humans, Being human.
Lynda M Otvos recently posted..Happy Holidays

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