Ellie said something recently about addiction and motherhood that I’d like to share because it helped me so much:“I look at it this way, now: I didn’t know how to love that fiercely. It made me so afraid … afraid I would screw it up, afraid something would happen to them, afraid I could never measure up enough for these two beautiful souls. And for so long, what did I do when I was afraid? I drank. So I was hiding from the fear. I heard, over and over, when I was first getting sober: How could you do that? Don’t you love your kids enough to NOT do that? The answer was that I loved them so much I didn’t know what to do. I thought, perversely, I was doing them a favor by erasing myself from the picture a little at a time. Only in sobriety can I accept myself and […]

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