Maybe happiness is a choice just about as much as it is not. I guess having half a choice is better than nothing.
I would prefer it handed over on a silver platter
me with all my excuses and no work
just ruminating.
It doesn’t happen like that and I know it. But I forget.
Sometimes it’s hard to even make the choice to try or to work at anything at all. Sometimes the sad and tired makes you think things that keep you so very stuck. That’s me anyway. Then I do this forgetting. Forgetting that I’m putting most of my energy, my choice, into imploding. I’m focusing so hard on the bad bad bad that I’m searing it’s shape right into the very core of my brain and then it wants to travel to my heart and soul.
I’m so thankful that I have people in my life who cut it off at the pass when it is on its way to becoming me, and they hand me a silver platter of humility and remind me…
You are not alone, but you do have to stand up and fight.
So I showed up last night and I walked into that meeting after way too many nights away and not even one person acted like I’d been gone too long or had done anything wrong at all. I’m not used to that, it’s not how it works with church. But this isn’t church.
We made a circle at the end and so many voices lifted words to their Higher Power and I was back, at least partly. And that’s the thing. Doing the work doesn’t have to be that scary because you really only end up doing less than half. The rest is done for you, and that’s a promise.
{ 22 comments }
“So I showed up last night and I walked into that meeting after way too many nights away and not even one person acted like I’d been gone too long or had done anything wrong at all. ”
I can apply that thought to so many things non-AA related and it still feels like a blessing. Good for you Heather.
Sue M recently posted..Hawwwoweeeeeen!!!!
Absolutely loved this and wholeheartedly agree. You words always touch and inspire me. And this quote in particular will stay with me –
“You are not alone, but you do have to stand up and fight.”
So so true. Thank you for you words today.
Krishann recently posted..{Hers} Pancakes for dinner
p.s. good for you for going!
Doing less than half. Yes. Most of the time we just have to show up. Or give in. Or show up and give in. Because there is so much love out there. And hope. Just as much as there is pain and hurt and bad bad bad.
You’re standing. You’re doing it. It’s done. Time to climb some stairs maybe?
I love the promises.
And I love you.
‘Atta girl.
That is one of the best things for me, the knowing that no matter whether I go two days or two weeks between meetings, I am always welcomed and loved.
Kori recently posted..It’s not YOU, it’s ME!
Heather. I really really don’t know how to explain what you just made me feel with this. It’s almost like you are telling me a truth that has been waiting inside me to be heard. God, that sounds so kum-ba-ya. Honestly. these words are exactly what I needed to make that simple soundless internal shift towards something productive rather than destructive. I need to read this and read this and read this.
Kate recently posted..Family Breakfast
Ruminating is one of my favorite words… and activities. But it’s rather solitary and can lead to treacherous places. That joining together with others in a place where you are accepted and whole, where you really have to just show up and be present and open, at least a little bit. there’s magic in that. Good magic. I’m glad you’ve found it again; that you keep finding it.
And can I quote Leonard Cohen, my favorite bard? “There is a crack, a crack in everything; it’s how the light gets in.”
Varda (SquashedMom) recently posted..What remains possible
Yes.
xoxo
Tear in eye.
Ann recently posted..Husband’s Holiday Planning Guide
Good for you for going, and giving what you’ve got. And mostly? Giving into the goodness that’s right there. I need to take an example from *you.*
xo
Galit Breen recently posted..My Kids Hate Matzo Ball Soup
I am glad you went, and felt the comfort just like you were there yesterday. I love that about meetings.
robin recently posted..Halloween, you got me again
Just walking into the meeting was a momentum to move out of the dark and bogged down. Cheering you on from here!
JCK (Motherscribe) recently posted..Goodbye, Cali Girl, we shall miss you…
Love, love, love this. “You are not alone but you do have to stand up and fight” is now written on a post-it on my mirror.
This is not an easy journey and I’m so thankful for your honesty in sharing.
I just love you.
Thais reminder to stand up and fight was sorely needed in my life today! Thank you for that.
Tracie recently posted..Visit From A Traveling Heart-Shaped Rock
You are so lovely. Warm from the feeling you left me with here. xo
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Am I Too Old To Be a Princess?
Life is all about balancing. There are many things that I try to do but fail doing them or do them incompletely. I wish I could ask God to give me more time and strength!
Rodrigo Valenzuela recently posted..Como (y de qué) hablar a un hombre
I wish more people would understand this.
No, you can’t expect life to be easy, but it will be a lot easier than you worry about now!
Heather, you are a breath of fresh air!
Gianna recently posted..It’s Coming
You have a great writing style…keep writing…its a pleasure to read your posts
Heather, you are so, so strong, and so very inspiring.
~j. recently posted..Life List
Good for you!! There is a lesson here for everyone, on so many levels. I hope you see it. I hope you know how wise you truly are. xo
Christine @ Coffees & Commutes recently posted..My limit
So true. And so reassuring.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..One Mom’s Perspective
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