The Spa, a Cough and Crying

I really do like the whole spa thing. I mean, I think people should go to treat themselves and relax. I especially liked being able to go on Auntie K’s dime (for the most part, which I’ll get to later) last Friday. My friend Mackenzie and I had a day away, spending time together and having an experience that’s rare. For us anyway. And unique. And sometimes very funny. We learned that we’re maybe not the classiest ladies, or all that smart. But it was still great. We’ll laugh about it for a long time.
Because,
First of all, I have a cold. I coughed a lot during the massage. Peggy the masseuse, who seemed a bit overly focused on rubbing my thighs for really extended periods of time, had to stop to ask me what was going on. Because you see, Peggy the masseuse was one of those ‘rub lightly’ massage therapists. (Which makes me giggle more than it relieves the tightness in my back.) Peggy was never too sure if I was stifling my coughs, or my laughs. Poor Peggy.

So this is what happened in my head: Ugh, the tickle in my throat…ugh. What is she doing? When will she move OFF my leg? I wonder where Mackenzie is? Oh, I think my nose is gonna drip…STOP RUBBING MY THIGH!! MY LEGS ARE NOT FEELING THE TENSION LADY!!! MY NECK? MY SHOULDERS? MY COMPLETELY NUMB MIDDLE BACK? YES! TENSION GALORE! PLEASE DIG YOUR THUMBS AND KNUCKLES INTO MY BACK NOW BEFORE I STOP GIGGLING AND START SCREAMING MY FACE OFF!!!! (or something like that)

No, I didn’t say any of that out loud. Of course not. I just used my usual tactic of saying nothing when I should probably just speak up and say something normal like, “you can go ahead and work a little more on my back.” How hard is that? What is my problem? Anyway, I digress…

Surprisingly, Peggy and I had only one awkward exchange in conversation when I kept trying to stifle my uncontrollable cough, the one that would make my whole body shake as she rubbed (and rubbed and rubbed) my thigh. Finally she stopped, sighed and said, “are you coughing or am I tickling you again?”

“I’m fine, thank you. ha.”

So anyway, that was the massage. Roughly 50 minutes of mostly leg rubbing, and stifled coughs and giggles. When Peggy said, “I’m finished, please be careful as you stand, you may be dizzy,” I almost burst out laughing. Yes, I’ll be dizzy. Or maybe my legs will just give out. Cause they’re confused. They’ve never been rubbed so much in their lives.

In between things, I made a fool of myself again by asking if I could go potty. Who says that at the spa? Oh. ME. I forgot myself for a moment there and pretended I was talking to my kids. It’s not that often I’m in a place with only adults.

My coolness improved slightly after the bathroom break. Sort of. I was on to the facial and it was great. So relaxing. It was my first, but I pretended I totally knew what was going on. I didn’t even say anything stupid. But my eyes were doing something stupid. For some reason they were very jumpy, twitching and hopping like a reflex. I couldn’t stop them. Bounce bounce bounce. I don’t get it. I’m sure Nice Facial Lady was wondering what I’m on, but what was I to do? I tried hard to focus on keeping them still by trying to pretend like my eyeballs were stuck to my eyelids, but it just made it worse. So I finally decided I would just be Weird Eye Lady to Nice Facial Lady and move on.

And move on I did. To hair cut and color with Katie The Rocker/Biker Chick Stylist with the Thickest Minnesotan Accent Ever. Confusing combo. But actually quite endearing. Wow, the energy and excitement in that girl! When I met Katie, we talked at length about colors for my hair. I kept saying I didn’t care, I trusted Biker Chick Katie, I was willing to do something new. It took her a very long time to decide. And then a very long time to mix colors. And then a very long time to foil my hair. Katie Rocker and I spent many hours together. Luckily Mackenzie was nearby, reading The Shack while having her hair foiled, tears streaming down her cheeks. Yes, we are so cool.

When all was said and done, my hair turned out much trendier than I am. Which is sort of fun and also very funny. Mackenzie left the salon with bangs, for the first time in her life. I think she was in shock. Especially because Biker Katie looked over at her stylist and said, “don’t you think you should thin out the bangs? They look like one big chunk.” Greeeaaat. I’ve never seen Mackenzie with such a lack of confidence on her face in all of our years of friendship. She looked like she was going to cry (again), but she scurried off to the bathroom to collect herself. Which was good because we were about to be shocked one last time before leaving.

Because we can’t add.

We spent far more than the gift certificate, mostly because we were clueless about how much our beautiful new hair would cost. So we were a bit weak in the over-rubbed knees, experiencing quite an overwhelming response to our grand total. A total I will not reveal to you here. But if you’d like to send money, feel free to email me. I’ll give all proceeds to Mackenzie with the Chunky Bangs. By the way, I think she looks hot with her new bangs, chunky or not.

Believe it or not, our day at the spa will be remembered well. I appreciate this lovely gift from my Auntie K more than words can say. And as she and I went over the day on the phone that night, we laughed and decided that in the future, maybe we’ll just stick to going out for dinner.