let’s just sit here for a moment

Lately, every day starts very early in the backyard. I sit on a yellow patio chair and I read and then a little later, I write. I sip coffee (yes, I have one cup of coffee while pregnant) and later Ryan joins me with the newspaper and I’m not even kidding you, there is a hummingbird right over there just now; a few feet from me, no lie. It is sticking its nectar syringe in tiny pink flowers with tiny wings batting in front of a red throat. I’m trying not to move.

Maybe if I sit still long enough this beautiful moment won’t pass.

Oh. There it went. Bye Bye Birdie.

I think the same thing about my motherhood life right now–maybe if I sit still long enough, this moment of it will stay just as it is because it’s so good. Of course, that would mean staying pregnant forever and I’m not up for that. But I mean, just this, all of this. The way the boys are right now, in their still-little-but-getting-big stage, the way they allow for patio time in the morning and play together so well. The way the mornings are so full of light and warmth, a comfortable warmth. All the love. We have so much.

This is gratitude. Let’s just sit in it and try not to move.

(Don’t worry. Yes, I do realize that this patio time will often not exist when our newborn joins us…and that’s okay. She will give me many reasons for a grateful heart, I’m sure of that.)

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I read my email in the mornings, before the day starts to stretch and then sprint in front of me.  This morning, I also read over the comments on my “Glass” post.  I wanted to sit with those words from you because sometimes it feels like I’m not saying anything anymore. Maybe I just tire of myself; I don’t know. But in those comments, more than one person reminded me that telling my addiction story helped them to quit drinking or to think about their drinking, or maybe my stories resonate no matter what the pain issue. That’s what you said, anyway. I’m so grateful for the things you say.

Sometimes we have to sit in it and talk about it, don’t we? Pain.

So let me just sit here with your words and try not to move. Just for a moment, before the day moves on and I get in the car for one of my last prenatal doctor appointments where I will hear a hummingbird heartbeat, my ginormous belly will be measured and oh yes, I will be weighed.

Yes. Let’s just sit here for a moment with our stories.

I’m so grateful for this crazy mixed up fast and slow life, and for this blogging world where I have met soul sisters.

I want to tell you what a whole bunch of these soul sisters did for me yesterday. Something so big and so good and so stunning…and I will, I will tell you. Soonly.  But now the day has stretched and started sprinting, wings all a-flutter, taking off. So I’ll move with it and tell you another day while we just sit for a moment.

morning view