turning

September 8, 2011

 

He forgot that he thinks he’s too big,
he held my hand all the way to the cafeteria.

Two friends
at the table were crying hard
and another was so brave,
he said
he was left all alone
once
and didn’t even cry.

Miles didn’t say a word to that
but his eyes said his wheels were

turning.

It was time to line up and head to class and so
I bent to hug him and bit back tears
and he made his
MOOOOM
face
and bit back a smile.

I didn’t make it back to the van,
sob-walking
and then sob-driving.

I was left all alone

and I did cry.

:::

Back at home I fed Elsie
and her blue eyes looked up at me
and Asher whispered questions.

Nanny came to be with Elsie
and I took Asher to an appointment
and we drove by brother’s school

together,

waving
and shouting
WE MISS YOU!

and it was only 11 o’clock.

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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Kim September 8, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Oh he is so big. I totally get this. The first week of school I am always thinking, “Oh, what are they doing now? What are they learning?” I still have anxiety sending them off, hoping and praying that everyone is nice to them, that they use their manners (the ones I KNOW I’ve taught them, but they always forget), and that they have a good day.

I sob too. It is hard leaving them in the care of someone else for the WHOLE DAY!

xoxoxoxo
Kim recently posted..When She’s The Oldest at Home…

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Elaine September 8, 2011 at 12:33 pm

You did it! He did it! It will get easier…. I promise. xo

that first photo totally cracks me up – that boy has personality!!
Elaine recently posted..11 Hours a Week!

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KELLY V September 8, 2011 at 1:11 pm

you did it!

he did it!

YUGE step, my friend, YUGE!

(i just got all nostalgic seeing as how that was MY sophomore cafeteria! memories!)

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Galit Breen September 8, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Oh the sweetness. And the love. So, so very much love.
Galit Breen recently posted..On the First Day of School

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Jess September 8, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Oh, YES. ((. . . miserable sigh))
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Sharry September 8, 2011 at 5:39 pm

I have to share this with you as my smiling heart feels these once upon a time emotions of yours. This weekend my 31 year old son and his 30 year old wife flew into Milwaukee from Kansas City to attend the 2 day Pearl Jam Festival. Saturday was cold and rainy but being the mother I continue to be I cut holes in plastic contractor bags to slip their heads through and gave them 4 umbrellas (in case their friends forgot one) and drove them to Alpine Valley in the drizzle. As Jonathan was getting out of the car I asked him where his coat was and he replied, “Mom, when you’re wet you’re wet and we are going to be wet for 12 hours.” Then he leaned over and kissed me just like he used to before leaving for school! And not forgetting another little ritual we always had when he was small he looked back at me as I started to drive away and did his little boy wave. When Miles is 31may you have the tears in your eyes that I have in mine now.
Sharry recently posted..SOMEDAY I’M GOING TO BE FREE..

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Jodi September 8, 2011 at 11:12 pm

Right there with you–only my baby is only in 1/2 day kindergarten–AND, the bus forgot to pick him up today–AND the bus driver lied and said they came to our house and we weren’t out there! HA! My son has special needs, we were waiting in the yard 20 minutes before the bus was even supposed to be there. OYE! I don’t think the school was impressed when I said the bus needed to come back and get him. I really didn’t want to send him on a bus where the driver forgot to pick him up–I mean really, how do you forget to pick up a kid? Don’t they have a list? It’s not like she is picking up 30 kids–it’s the afternoon kindergarteners. UGH. No time for me to cry today. I guess things do happen for a reason! :0)
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Alexandra September 9, 2011 at 12:22 am

Oh.

This is the thing.

I’d say I missed my child when he was only 7, and ppl would say, “Oh, you JUST wait.”

And, so, I believed them and thought that the heartwrench when they were in highschool would be, as they told me, much worse than when they were only 3 feet tall.

Wrong.

7 years old hurt as much as 16 yrs old does.

In the exact same place, too.
Alexandra recently posted..Charlie Brown’s Great Pumpkin Came Early This Year

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rebecca @ altared spaces September 9, 2011 at 7:41 am

This is the thing nobody tells us. We love and love and love these kids so that they can go out into the world and take our hearts with them. It hurts.

And it’s thrilling to watch them become.
rebecca @ altared spaces recently posted..diamonds, dirt and empty spaces

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Becky (Princess Mikkimoto) September 9, 2011 at 8:08 am

WHY AM I CRYING?!?!

I loved this…

*seriously, one must stop the tears while one is at work…
Becky (Princess Mikkimoto) recently posted..Diary Entry: Middle School Flashback

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Elizabeth @claritychaos September 9, 2011 at 9:41 am

So when Owen went off to kindergarten, I was fine. Not one tear. But this year, when Eli went? Sobbed. SOBBED. In the school hallway, with all the kindergarteners and teachers right there. And I couldn’t stop. It was awful. Oh somebody please just press pause and keep them little for even just one extra day.
Elizabeth @claritychaos recently posted..at the same time

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Tooje September 9, 2011 at 8:59 pm

I remember crying the first day of daycare for my first…when he was 3 months old. I haven’t cried since, but I worry so much more now that he’s in actual SCHOOL. But they’re okay. We’re okay. The trick I use is to never ask negatively-tainted questions. “Did someone hurt you? Did someone say something bad? Did you cry? Did you dislike that?” It really curbs his story telling to neutral and positive, and his outlook in turn is as well. And positive beats negative, right?
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anymommy September 10, 2011 at 10:33 am

Oh yes, definitely. And this year I have a sweet baby at home to fill my days, but two years from this September when HE goes to school? They are going to have to scrape me off the sidewalk.
anymommy recently posted..Undone

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