Just Write ~ The Fourth

October 4, 2011

He’s off to school so there is less battle to do. Lately, there’s been so much resistance, a different kind of over-tired and angry boy. I start to get worried, that maybe I don’t know how to help him through this stage or the next or the next. I pick up yesterday’s jeans, the ones he was supposed to put down the chute, and I reach into a small pocket.

One rock. One penny.

The jeans go down the chute. The treasures go on his dresser.

Time is just a blur of squares on the calendar and nonsense numbers on a clock, swallowed by exhaustion and so many thoughts about these three little people I love so much. Nothing is clear. It’s funny how a mother can love the business of sacrificial living while still coming face to face with an end of herself that feels like a scream caught in a dry throat.

Sometimes at night, while Daddy rocks Elsie and the boys are in bed, I drive aimlessly. Last night I passed by a man walking along smoking a cigarette and clutching a bottle in a brown bag. And I was just a lady on a drive, exhaling love for my children and heading back home to pull treasures from my pockets.

One never-used pacifier. One marble from Asher.

Inhale.

 

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If you don’t read all of this, please be sure to read the BOLD parts…

This is the fourth installment of Just Write, an exercise in free writing your ordinary and extraordinary moments. {Please see the details here.}  I would love to read your freely written words so join me and link up below. You can add the url of your post at any time. Just be sure it’s a link to your Just Write post, not to your main page. Then link back to this post in your post so people know where to go if they’d like to join in. (Any links not following those two guidelines will be deleted.) 

Also. Please take a moment to visit someone else who has linked up! It’s a really good way to meet new writers and get inspired by the meaning behind their moments. Word?

{Psst: One more thing…you can Grab the Button if you’d like. The code is over there on the sidebar. See it?}

Link on up, friends. I’m so glad you’re here! If you don’t know how, email me and I’ll help! heatheroftheeo (at) gmail (dot) com.

 

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{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }

denise October 4, 2011 at 6:41 am
Seth October 4, 2011 at 6:44 am

Linky?

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Heather October 4, 2011 at 7:12 am

I got the linky up!

Somehow I had broken it. I BROKE MY LINKY!

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denise October 4, 2011 at 6:47 am

Oops. I hit publish before I meant to. A scream caught in a dry throat. Oh My Mercy yes. I love the powerful brevity of this post. xo
denise recently posted..Just Write

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debi9kids October 4, 2011 at 6:49 am

Well, you might want to get used to the pants not being dropped down the chute… I’m on year 14 with my 18 year old son and still waiting on him to put his laundry away.
(I will say, I did get lucky with one of my 6 boys being a neat freak. But just one ;) )

PS Boy, do I hear you on the BLUR!

There was no linky when I stopped by. My link is:
http://whosays8isenough.org/2011/10/03/oh-my-heart/
debi9kids recently posted..274 ~ It’s a Stick Bug

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Erin October 4, 2011 at 6:51 am

Exhaling love for my children.
Beautiful.
Erin recently posted..In A Year

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Erin October 4, 2011 at 6:56 am

Ps no linky?
Erin recently posted..In A Year

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Jo@Mylestones October 4, 2011 at 7:07 am

Oh my. Beautiful.
Jo@Mylestones recently posted..Let there be blubbering

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Erica@PLRH October 4, 2011 at 7:14 am

I too love finding the little treasures in the pockets… theirs and mine.
Erica@PLRH recently posted..The Bridge Walk

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Heather October 4, 2011 at 7:14 am

Hello friends!
Just wanted to let you know that the linky is now there. I have no idea why it wasn’t before or how I fixed it, but I did! Go team!

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Adventures In Babywearing October 4, 2011 at 7:18 am

Oh man, I am exhausted. Also, hilarious ivy ran in to see Mommal the other day and tiny pebbles fell from her coat pocket like a trail through the house.

Steph
Adventures In Babywearing recently posted..one day in the life

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Krishann October 4, 2011 at 7:18 am

You remember to check for treasures before you wash :) You have such a gift for writing. This was beautiful to read and your love for your child,your children, obvious. Inhale.
Krishann recently posted..{Hers} Be Still

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Christa October 4, 2011 at 7:30 am

And that’s what we do, isn’t it? Look for the treasures in the pockets, or on the drive, or behind the scream caught in the throat?

Just stunningly simple and true, Heather.

Thank you. For this, of course, but for starting Just Write, even more. Pure brilliance. Pure Joy.
Christa recently posted..Girl Effect…

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Melissa Goerke October 4, 2011 at 7:36 am

Passing the man with the brown bag and identifying with yourself as a lady out for drive. Very nice :-)

Funny how they all try to tell you how hard being a parent is going to be and you think you get it, but you don’t until it is far too late!

Hang in there. Someday sooner than you think you will be writing about your empty nest.

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Maureen (FurtherMo) October 4, 2011 at 7:38 am

Loved it! An honest glimpse into a motherly moment.
Maureen (FurtherMo) recently posted..teaspoons of sugar

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nicole October 4, 2011 at 7:52 am

Hmmm, feels like you had some of the same thoughts as me. Parenting is hard sometimes.
nicole recently posted..We Need

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Barb October 4, 2011 at 8:01 am

I was breathing deeply for you through the entire post. Parenting requires some serious breathing exercises from time to time.
Barb recently posted..oh the wrath of the preteen

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Elaine October 4, 2011 at 8:31 am

Heather, you left me NOT wanting to inhale with this one, your words SO true and beautiful. The last sentence in your second long paragraph, that begins with “It’s funny how a mother….” is so honest and had me nodding right along.

I love these little scenes from your life, from a life similar to mine. xo
Elaine recently posted..Two Lives

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molly October 4, 2011 at 8:45 am

“an end to herself”

gosh, can’t all the moms relate to that?

I love boys and the treasures they find.
molly recently posted..how my temper cost me $320

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Dara Dokas October 4, 2011 at 9:09 am

I love chutes and wish we had one. My brother and I used to drop all kinds of things down my grandma’s clothes chute! ( BTW – I still have to remind my 13 year-old daughter to put her clothes in the laundry.)
Dara Dokas recently posted..School Pictures – Just Write

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Bridget October 4, 2011 at 9:24 am

“Time is just a blur of squares on the calendar and nonsense numbers on a clock,” <—This? This is perfect.
Bridget recently posted..Finding My Footing in the Fall

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Jen October 4, 2011 at 9:49 am

Oh the exhausting joy that is being a mom.
Jen recently posted..My Brother’s won’t Play with Me

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Aimee October 4, 2011 at 10:07 am

So beautiful! Love this!

Also, I linked up twice. Would you mind deleting the first one (#35) where I just linked up to my main blog? Thanks!

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Heather October 4, 2011 at 11:13 am

I deleted number 35 for you, Aimee! No prob, Bob. :)

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Marta October 4, 2011 at 10:43 am

I love this. I’m not sure which words I love more. My favorite line has to be, “Time is just a blur of squares on the calendar and nonsense numbers on a clock” because that’s so unbelievably true. You captured this moment so vividly, one that resonates so deeply with all of us I think.
Marta recently posted..When You’re Disappointed

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Alexandra October 4, 2011 at 11:29 am

Almost left without leaving a comment.

My thoughts were, “she must get so sick of hearing the same thing.”

But, still, my conscience tells me to tell you the same thing you must always hear, ‘ your writing leaves me frozen, not wanting to click out, because I am walking this road right with you, when you write.”

Incredible gift you have. This space you have here, of your own, will save you.
Alexandra recently posted..The Only Way To Make It Through This

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Heather October 4, 2011 at 11:35 am

And if you wouldn’t have left these words, I wouldn’t be sitting here crying joy tears.
Thank you. I can’t even describe what this comment means to me.

P.S. Can you move here? (Not just because you’re nice to me…but because I need an Alexandra on my block.) (I’m so so so glad you’re on my virtual block.)

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Samara October 4, 2011 at 12:24 pm

So true, Heather, so true.

{Also, the battle, is so this school age isn’t it?}

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Elizabeth @claritychaos October 4, 2011 at 12:52 pm

oh, but that feeling of ‘end of herself’ is just a feeling, I promise. I am new to the other side of the hump, and she comes back with more fierceness and humor than ever before. I promise.

Love this post, Heather.
Elizabeth @claritychaos recently posted..to mark my territory

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Mama Zen October 4, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Yes.
Mama Zen recently posted..Happy Barking Birthday!

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Kir October 4, 2011 at 1:45 pm

that was so stunningly beautiful, I was wiping tears at the end of it.
The day to day…..the boredom, the mundane is what makes my life Extra special lately.

thank you for sharing this. It was simply perfect.
Kir recently posted..RemembeRED: Lifting the Veil

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Gianna October 4, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Hey, Heather, I’m not sure if you need to know this or care, but I used the button for Just Write from your sidebar and it linked me to you 9/10/11 post. I don’t know if that matters or not.

Thought I would let you know! As always, your writing is beautiful! (I was going to say Stinkin’ beautiful, but I’ve used that word way too much today, so I thought I would tame it down!)

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designhermomma October 4, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Such a beautiful glimpse. Thank you.
designhermomma recently posted..Max & Ruby :: Bunny Party Live! (Indianapolis GIVEAWAY)!

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Kristi October 4, 2011 at 4:21 pm

I found you from Galit’s blog….soooo glad I did!! I love this idea of freewriting..and can’t wait to join in! I’ve been away from blogging for a bit… technical issues! :)) …and it’s so fun to be back.
My children are all teens now but I have to confess I still do the aimless driving at times. Sometimes to clear my mind…just like when they were small. Sometimes to hunt them down…which is a newer development! lol
Thanks for sharing a bit of your life. I’m now following you.
Kristi recently posted..A Blog? Really? What’s That?

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molly kelash October 4, 2011 at 4:35 pm

A nice little vignette. I just signed up to do your freewriting exercise and I’m not sure I did it right since it linked back to my blog, but I did just spend a wonderful few minutes writing out my creative block. It’s weird how afraid I’ve become lately of not putting something out there that isn’t perfect, so thanks for the opportunity to “Just Write.” I think it helped..:)
molly kelash recently posted..juicing up

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Katherine October 4, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Your ability to capture motherhood is amazing. Thank you for Just Write, I look forward to Tuesdays to read the posts of your fab readers & writers :)
Katherine recently posted..Wrong Turn

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Layla Payton October 4, 2011 at 9:14 pm

This was a perfect post for my week. It echoed what I wrote about yesterday. Being a mom is truly the hardest, most rewarding job to ever have the privilege of living.

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Tracie October 5, 2011 at 2:29 am

It is beautiful to be a lady out for a drive. A mom with little treasures in her pockets. A woman with a core of peace.

That is what I feel reading your lovely words.

Thank you for sharing the small glimpses into your world.
Tracie recently posted..Breast Cancer: This Is Judy’s Story

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Tricia October 5, 2011 at 8:03 am

I love the inhale/exhale. So perfectly captures what I feel. Thank you, so much, for sharing.
Tricia recently posted..When drop-offs are hard

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ka-Lee October 6, 2011 at 8:59 pm

i should have read your post before I saw you at school! (Of course I didn’t know I was going to see you at school;) Anyway, Drew and I were just talking about how this transition for Lizzy has changed her. Like seriously changed her. She had a week she didn’t eat sweets, NOT LIKE MY KID! She comes home angry, sassy and plain naughty at times. I have decided it is from having to be good all day at school. She is exhausted and she is letting it all out at home. I guess that is the way I would want it. You know, I don’t want anyone to think my kids might have a moment lapse of naughtiness and I not have control over it;) Anyway, you are not alone. I think we sell this transition to kindergarten short. It is tough work, and not just for the kiddos. Hang in there. Seriously would love to chat if you need to.

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Robin | Farewell, Stranger October 7, 2011 at 11:48 am

Achingly beautiful, Heather. I can feel your writing in my tense shoulders.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On Steve Jobs and Living the Life You’re Meant To

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Lisa-Jo@thegypsymama October 19, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Yes, to see ourselves as treasure hunters and not burned out warriors – although, that is true too some days, isn’t it? Thank you for the glimpse into the sacred. The ordinary. The wonder.

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