Just Write {45}

July 23, 2012

She toddle-followed me to the door, getting nervous. She always wants to go with me, through any door. She wants outside and me. She loves both a whole lot.

Elsie Jane, my little but fierce follower.

I was dropping her at daycare for the first time. She and her brothers will be there two days a week while I work. Write. Work. Write.


Yes, I bit back tears when I drove away and no, they weren’t guilty tears. They were mother tears stripped of guilt because I’m learning it’s not so much about what I’m doing but what I’m thinking about what I’m doing. I could so easily ask myself if it’s wrong for my kids to be away from me when I’m not actually punching any type of clock, but I’m not.

I’m a late bloomer, always so slow to grow up, fighting it. So I easily question myself, assuming I must be avoiding something hard because that’s what people who fight being an adult have a tendency to do. But that’s not it, not this time, because somehow I’ve been embracing this adult thing more lately. It is so much easier than fighting it.

Of course I’ve been an adult for many years but what adult really FEELS like one unless they’re done not wanting to be one in one way or another.

I’m not fake working. I’m not fake mothering. None of this is going through the motions. None of it is perfect. All of it is enough.

I worked hard today, my fingers hardly ever leaving the keyboard. I got so much done. I needed that. The words needed that. Then I picked up my kiddos and the boys were having such a great time, they didn’t even want to leave. Their Rosa (that’s our daycare mom’s name, isn’t it lovely?) had big balls of cotton balls that they were using as “snow balls” and they were having a snow ball fight and she was right in there with them, laughing.

Elsie toddle-ran to me and hugged my legs and made her happiest sounds. She didn’t stay sleeping at nap time, but she will, right? She’ll get used to it. Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, she’ll be okay.

And so will I…as long as I’m sure to control my thinks.

This is the 45th installment of Just Write, an exercise in free writing your ordinary and extraordinary moments{Please see the details here.}  I would love to read your freely written words so join me and link up below. You can add the url of your post at any time. Just be sure it’s a link to your Just Write post, not to your main pageThen please link back to this post in your post so people know where to go if they’d like to join in.) (Any links not following those two guidelines will be deleted.)

Also. Please take a moment to visit someone else who has linked up! It’s a really good way to meet new writers and get inspired by the meaning behind their moments. Word?

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