M.A.S.H.

I was rushing to get out the door to pick up Asher at preschool at one end of town and then get his brother in the middle of town and then drive out the other end of town to get Elsie.

I wanted candy.

I grabbed an apple. GO ME! (I didn’t have any candy.)

I was driving with one hand and chomping CRUNCH my green apple in the other and the stem came off. It reminded me of when I was a kid and my friends and I would play the ABC game while twisting the stem. Whatever letter you were on when the stem broke loose was the first letter of your future husband’s name.

Of course, we worked hard to pull the stem free at the first letter of the name of the boy we were “going with” at the time.

Then we’d play M.A.S.H. on the bus or at recess or during study hall. It was always best to accidentally count wrong to land on the right boy and the mansion and the best state, like California because it’s summer there all the time and there are pools and the ocean and movie stars.

We wanted control even back then. We cheated on fate or chance and in no way wanted to gamble away our choices.

I took a right onto first street and went up over the hill to get my Asher. I live in a house in Minnesota and I’m married to Ryan and we have three kids. It was always funniest when M.A.S.H. would say you would one day have 90 kids or some such thing. It was just a joke. Having kids. 3 or 90, what’s the diff?

I finished my apple and said hello to a friend and then Asher came with his teacher, running across the parking lot with something to show me.

He had drawn his Daddy, and me, in response to “Something that makes me happy.” I nearly cried. Oh Sweetie, I love this so much. Thank you. There I was with Ryan. My apple stem didn’t make it all the way through all the letters to R until I was 28.

I had to carefully twist it, slowly, so it didn’t break free before I was ready, I guess. It makes sense. I’ve always been a late bloomer, and that can finally be embraced rather than shaming me. Sooner or later I learn to let go and stop manipulating to get my way, to have control.

I count around the M.A.S.H. board, watching my miraculous ordinary life unfold.

Ryan

3.

Minnesota.

A house.

Asher talked my ear off and we stopped for ice cream. He said he misses daddy three times, and I said I do too. He’ll be back tomorrow! Then we got Miles and he was happy even though he said the day was long at school, because we were about to go get Elsie. Her face at the sight of us could have softened anyone and I wonder if one day she’ll play M.A.S.H.

I hope so. It’s the best game.