Just Write {60}

November 5, 2012

I had been away from Thursday to Sunday and it felt terribly long this time. Too many hours were strung together without the sights and smells and really-loud-sounds of home.

I told the attendees of BBC Chicago that the chaos of my life breeds my creativity. I stood behind a podium and told my story. I said that without my family, the daily grind, the work of life, I would not write. I would not create. My life and all of its messes, it is the reason I am inspired to allow something artful to flow from me when I can.

So on this night I tucked them in and then I climbed up the bunk bed ladder and lay down with Asher. I held the book out in front of him so he could see the occasional pictures. Miles ended up coming up the ladder and climbing in with us. It’s only fair. It always has to be fair. I stopped between words to smell their freshly washed hair and to try to make it stop sticking up from going dry while being pillow-pressed. It wasn’t working but I have to keep trying for some odd reason. By morning, it will be a nest and it will make me laugh.

They asked questions and waited through all the paragraphs in the chapter book for the next picture. I can’t believe we’re here, I thought. To books with few pictures, a bunk bed and a sleeping baby sister. To a little tiny bit more sleep for mommy and daddy but not less exhaustion.

Hold on. Stay right here.

I like to stop reading just exactly when it’s hard to stop reading. What’s about to happen? We don’t know. We have to wait until tomorrow to find out. Their faces fill with What could it be? and it makes me glad because it’s so easy for us to find out the endings or keep moving through, these days. We can fast forward commercials, watch an entire series of a show in one weekend and movies go from the screen to our homes in a shorter and shorter amount of time. Our cup of coffee is made in thirty seconds and we don’t have to write checks and we push a button to get money from a machine. We are getting everything we want as instantaneously as possible and I miss suspense. Like a new friend said at the conference, I remember when  you had to wait to find out who shot JR.

I miss that. And this weekend I missed my family a lot and that was even better. Sometimes, it’s good to miss them and then come back to home and them and the life they give me that offers me a place to start being fully me; wholly me. Having kids doesn’t take you away in every way, I think. You don’t have to lose yourself. You’re sometimes on hold, in some ways, until the next episode, but mostly you’re always just getting started.

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This is the 59th installment of Just Write, an exercise in free writing your ordinary and extraordinary moments. {Please see the details here.} I would love to read your freely written words so join me and link up below. You can add the url of your post at any time. Just be sure it’s a link to your Just Write post, not to your main page, and please don’t link to posts that are not written in the spirit of capturing moments–like lists or sponsored posts. Then please link back to this post in your post so people know where to go if they’d like to join in. (Any links not following those two guidelines will be deleted.)

Also. Please take a moment to visit someone else who has linked up! It’s a really good way to meet new writers and get inspired by the meaning behind their moments. Word? Thank you!



{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Rach (DonutsMama) November 5, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Yes, sometimes it is good to slow down, to not know everything all at once and to allow yourself to miss people (and let them miss you too.)
Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Did She or Didn’t She? Our Halloween

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Jo@Mylestones November 5, 2012 at 9:49 pm

There’s something really sweet about coming home after a few days away, to be missed and to miss, and then to be together again.
Jo@Mylestones recently posted..Rusty

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Stephanie Precourt November 5, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Oh those last words, absolutely.

And I’ve been struggling a lot lately about the perception of losing myself (in a good way, like letting go I’m free whee!) into motherhood because I have the opportunity to do so right now, no pull in any other direction so why not just go all in? I am all in and that does not mean I’m denying myself a thing. If I didn’t go for it, *that* would be denying my heart and being. I don’t feel on hold, I feel forward, and I know there is something through this. Not over or under or after, but right through.

Steph
Stephanie Precourt recently posted..First Day of Preschool, Class of 2026

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Heather November 5, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Yes! Exactly! Just exactly what you said. Thank you.

xo

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Kat November 5, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Oh, that is just perfect. And I completely agree. Beautiful. :)
Kat recently posted..You Capture- Favorites

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Elaine November 5, 2012 at 11:45 pm

And then we wonder why we cannot just sit still and relax these days, right? (“we” meaning us, as a society…) It was good to have to wait and wonder… I remember too.
Elaine recently posted..My Kids Are SO Stinkin’ Cute, Don’t You Even Try to Deny It!

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erica @ expatria, baby November 6, 2012 at 9:50 am

Over the past two years, I spent my time divided between home and away, and I know that feeling exactly, of coming home and it being even better than when you left. But I hadn’t thought of it in terms of how that anticipation, delayed gratification relates to all of the other ways in which we get what we want instantly.
Waiting does make it sweeter.
erica @ expatria, baby recently posted..Zucchini Fritters #NaBloPoMo

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Tracie November 6, 2012 at 2:22 pm

The slowing down. The anticipation. The waiting. The Missing. The longing. The love.

Yes to all of this.
Tracie recently posted..The Ninth Year Divergence

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Barb November 6, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I do this! I always stop at the most suspenseful part and then I slam the book shut and ask them to tell me what they think will happen next. And sometimes they do and sometimes they just beg me to keep reading but I don’t. Because we should all learn to savor anticipation.

I loved how you tied this with parenting. There is not often a fast return on this parenting gig – and that’s why we should savor it. Thank you for the reminder.
Barb recently posted..putting my ducks in a row

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grace November 6, 2012 at 3:35 pm

so true… our culture has become so impatient, so I NEED THIS NOW. I made an order on zulily this morning, and i have a handful of times. each time I am in shock of how easy it is. One click and i’m done. whatever i want is now MINE. kinda scary.
I love that you are teaching your boys suspense and the thrill of unraveling a story.
grace recently posted..like everyone says, they are so different.

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Karla Archer November 6, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Beautiful.

I’ve had lots of “slow down” aches and longings recently… My “baby” is 5. My oldest is now less than a year from 13. Always, a page is waiting to be turned.
I’d like to slow down a few, here and there…
Karla Archer recently posted..Twas the Night Before the Election…

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Laurie November 7, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Oh I love this! I went away for a few days in October (yay spa weekends!!) and I missed my boys, but it was probably the first time I appreciated just missing them instead of feeling super guilty and missing them so much I didn’t appreciate the time away enough. It’s okay to be away and to miss and to get the joy of coming back. Now…to do it more often ;)
Laurie recently posted..Roots and Trees and Families

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Margo November 7, 2012 at 8:10 pm

I’ve just re-started my personal blog and this is just the kind of connection I need. My daughters are 16 and 20 and I am perplexed by parenting more so than ever lately. So glad to have stumbled here today!

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Margo November 7, 2012 at 8:10 pm

I’ve just re-started my personal blog and this is just the kind of connection I need. My daughters are 16 and 20 and I am perplexed by parenting more so than ever lately. So glad to have stumbled here today!

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Lisa @ Heaven Sent November 12, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Yes to all of this. The other day in the grocery line, the man in front of us offered to let us go first because my oldest was expressing her impatience. He had a cart full, and we had only a few items. But I told him no, we can wait…patience is a good thing to learn. And that is so where I am at lately. With me, with them, with life. And it feels good and peaceful to not be rushing this life that already moves too fast.
Lisa @ Heaven Sent recently posted..Forward

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