I woke up thinking about Asher this morning. Lately I’ve hardly even had time for that which makes me feel guilty, of course. It’s funny how being a mom can make you feel bad for not being able to think about every part of every child’s life constantly. As if that were possible.
Anyway, I woke up thinking about Asher and all the ways he is joy embodied. And I was grateful that he’s such a trooper because of how we’re so busy with his sister right now and it’s just hard if you look at it that way.
He’s just four and sometimes he lets us know he’s sick of us always tending to a baby, but for the most part, he is simply full of humor and grace no matter what. He’s inspiring.
After I thought about that, I thought about how he would be if he had a different life. If he were completely healthy. If he didn’t have hydrocephalus. If he hadn’t had such a rough start to life. I don’t know if he’d be different or not, of course, but I would guess his strength would maybe just be different, his depth and little boy wisdom somehow shifted.
Of course, back when I would think into the future, before we had kids, I wanted complete health for them. I prayed for that. Of course I still want that, because I just want to fix everything for them, but really, I can’t. So I’m grateful for what Asher’s experience has brought him because that’s what grace does; it brings goodness from broken parts.
Asher is exactly who he is and so I think of him as healthy. Completely.
(The next post in the Must-Have Baby Guide is up over at Mama Manifesto if you’re interested in that sort of thing. Word to your mother.)
{ 4 comments }
Another post of great beauty. I guess because I haven’t read your blog from the beginning, I didn’t realize Asher has hydrocephalus. I, too, find him inspiring and I’ve only read about him and seen smiling photos of him. Thanks for sharing. Much love and strength to your family.
Maybe Asher has grace because he needed it, but I like to think people are who they are, at the core. I imagine he’d be full of light either way. I love seeing pics of his full-grinning face!
Amy @ Never-True Tales recently posted..The Sabrina Syndrome
Yes. I’m sure he would have come, no matter what, with so much light. But walking this road with him has given me the honor of seeing him unfold because of so much of it. In the details of daily life with headaches and overcoming. In the appointments and the IVs and the MRIs and the surgery. I believe he’s being fed so much grace in the midst of all of that and then it shines through him even more.
Heather of the EO recently posted..completely
Oh, this is lovely…and reminds me of how I still feel daily as I have my moments with my 14 yr old with Asperger’s.
Daily unfolding.
Alexandra recently posted..Why I Will Never Quit Trying
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