How the I’M BOREDS will not win…maybe…

The I’M BOREDS have reached epic levels that call for drastic measures.

Bored Level Orange, nearing Red.

We were handling said boredom claims with the usual “I don’t want to hear that!” and then moved into “For every “I’m bored” you will do one chore!” Then, because it seems that no consequences other than Severe Consequences can stave off stated claims, we moved to “Oh really! I heard an I’m bored…apparently you aren’t all that into All Your Things….go put one of your things in the Goodwill box.”

This worked for a time.

But it seems there is no sure-fire way to stop “MOOOOMY, what can I dooooo?”

Therefore, I have decided to entirely ignore any and all references to not having anything to do. I will act as if no one is talking, and maybe I’ll even pretend that I am completely alone, on a beach in Costa Rica, only a book and me, waves crashing on the shore.

When MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY I’M TALKING TO YOU! breaks through I will explain that all I can hear is the ocean. Dear Child, your voice is the ocean. This is a compliment. Now carry on with your bored self. 

You see, my adored offspring, I feed you all the time (ALL THE TIME) and I listen to all the other things you say. I even sort of kind of maybe a little bit listen to Minecraft things. And I take you all kinds of places and I say yes more, because it’s summer. A Sonic slush? SURE! Swimming at the Y? YES! Have friends over? YOU GOT IT! And still, we both realize there are many many hours in the summer days but this does not mean that the moment I am not saying YES or listening or entertaining or feeding, you must turn to me, my face in a book or looking at my email, finally, to say the dreaded words I always know are coming.

Your I’m bored statement is equivalent to I’m starving. You are neither starving nor bored. Please trust me.

Fellow parents, it appears our “ONLY BORING PEOPLE GET BORED!” response is not working. Neither is my husband’s claim that he never ever said he was bored as a child, ever. (Because you know, back then, our parents simply let us run free through the neighborhoods and allowed copious amounts of television while we ate ding dongs and twinkies and Doritos. Today, the Internet reminds us all the time that we are to be present and play with the children and never let them out of our sight and to only feed them organic foods and never sugar.) Therefore, we must unite in our plan to ignore the children should they make any reference to their inability to entertain themselves for more than three seconds at a time. This includes everything from “what can I doooo?” to “How long until _____________?”

We will meet these words with SILENCE. It will be awesome. ARE YOU WITH ME?! No matter how exasperated they get, one of these hours days months, they will get the message. In the meantime, as our collective ignoring them hush falls over the world, not a sound will be heard from a parent anywhere. We will wait, in solidarity, for the boredom claims to pass. SHHHHHHH….

In other words, we will speak to our children once again come the first day of school.

P.S. A few minutes ago, my friend Kim and her kiddos were leaving (after I had written this) and one child who shall remain nameless pronounced, as she went out the door, “This house is so boring!”

Oh dear.

P.P.S. We did not respond to her, but we did have a good laugh. Go team.