The clinic called yesterday to remind me of Elsie’s pre-op appointment. That was good because I had forgotten which day it was, and only wrote it on one calendar, instead of the kind inside my phone and computer that reminds me of stuff. It matters a lot to me, but there sure are a lot of things up in the ol’ noggin these days.
Starting on Friday, it’s spring break, and it lasts through next week. Elsie will have her tonsils and adenoids out on Tuesday. I just started to think through this, after the reminder call, and wondered if her recovery is going to be harder with everyone at home. A flutter of stress flew through my chest and belly and then I decided that it will be good. Just as it is already planned. Stay out of the way, Heather.
There will be no running to and from school and there will be little helpers around. We can all eat popsicles and pretend that it really feels like spring outside, even though right now we have inches of snow on the ground. We can watch movies and play games. We can just be. We can get this done and then prepare ourselves for the heart procedure next.
Isn’t it something how life arranges itself to force some time in which you cannot run?
It is good.
The snow fell on Sunday, thick and wet, piling up. It was the sloshy kind. It was quiet out in the country, so still. It looked a bit like an old black and white movie, the dark bare trees and the dots of white zooming past on a mission to the ground. I stood out in it and tried to let go of many things, said the Serenity Prayer, took a deep breath.
It looks sometimes like I am the tree, still and waiting, life zooming past me, down. Like I am rooted and at ease and waiting for the buds of leaves to show up despite the things I can’t control. The cold, the heavy inches piling up on me and around me. I can even look peaceful. I can sometimes even feel peaceful. But mostly these days I am not the tree at all, but I’m running from one job to another, and from this to that. My head and heart are trying to keep up, every thought and feeling like that snow, all separate, becoming one heavy thing in the pit of my stomach.
That’s just the truth. And I am trying and we are going to be okay and spring doesn’t ever stay away even if winter fights for one last gasp.
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“Isn’t it something how life arranges itself to force some time in which you cannot run?
It is good.”
I’m trying to think that. Last week forced me to stay put when all I wanted to do was go. This was good for me to read. Thank you.
And I hope Elsie’s surgery goes well and that you all eat so many popsicles!
Sarah recently posted..She Waits Patiently For The Light
A late snowfall can really mess a person’s mind. It definitely puts me in a funk. It feels like spring will never come even though we know that isn’t the case.
Hang in there! It’s coming.
Prayers for Elsie’s surgery and quick recovery!!!
Kat recently posted..Validation
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