Just Write {131}

April 15, 2014

The dog is hiding under my desk because the thunder is pounding so loud. Asher is at school, but he’s probably thinking about how God must be bowling or moving furniture, because that’s what he says thunder is.

I don’t mean to be vague or leave you with teasers, but life is so different right now than a few weeks ago. I can’t really talk about it right now, but I’m sitting here in awe of how God takes time from bowling and rearranging furniture to care for me so whole-heartedly despite my messes.

Getting sober started a very slow honesty in my life. It’s really hard, to face really big things and it has taken me over four years to be truly free of lies I was living. And I’m sure I’ll discover more, but I don’t need to know right now. I just need to keep not running from them. I can do hard things.

I am so often like the dog under the desk, hiding from the thunder of dishonest living, waiting for it to pass without really getting brave and facing my truth. That’s an exhausting way to live, and I’m feeling better than ever about coming out to let the rain wash over me, to walk through the booming bowling sounds of thunder and move forward believing I’ll survive the fear.

The dog has fallen asleep despite the rain and thunder pounding. I have my feet on her and I keep whispering to her that she’s okay. That’s how it is, when you know that despite all the fear, you are being comforted and loved. You can rest.

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This is the 131st installment of Just Write, an exercise in free writing your ordinary and extraordinary moments. {Please see the details here.} I would love to read your freely written words so join me and link up below. You can add the URL of your post at any time. Just be sure it’s a link to your Just Write post, not to your main page, and please don’t link to posts that are not freely written in the spirit of capturing moments–you know, don’t link to how-to posts, lists or sponsored posts. Also, please link back to this post in yours so people know where to go if they’d like to join in.



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Just Write {130}

April 8, 2014

This post was originally freely written about 6 years ago. I edited it for the now that I live in, but very little. It seems my heart is still there:

 

I want a cottage style house built by my Dad somewhere near water and so many acres of nothing but grass and dirt and trees. I want salvaged barn doors in that cottage somewhere, to pull to the side, heavy and creaking. I want built-in book shelves filled with colorful stacks and rows of books.  I want vintage things all around, from years ago and grandparents. I want a really big garden full of fruits, veggies, herbs and flowers. I want a cozy space for guests to stay and kids to play above the garage. I want all of that, and yet I still want the house to be small, holding us close together so there’s nowhere we can go to end up feeling like we don’t belong.

I want so many chickens. I miss my chickens.

I want a swing on a wrap-around porch not too far from the rocking chairs. I want to look through the window while I sit with my love and swing and rest. I want to see an office through the window, one with those built-in shelves full of books and french doors that lead to an entry where the staircase climbs high and is littered with family photos. I want to write in that office while the breeze comes through the window. I want to look out the window to see my kids run far and fast but where I can still see them, and then I want to watch them play for hours with nothing but sticks and rocks and water and dirt and each other.

I want to go home. Through a swinging screen door, I want to go home. I want my kids to love living, fully alive with joy in simple things, and to love people unconditionally. I want them to learn to help the world around them because they see their parents doing that. I want to make them big meals and laugh with them around the table while the chairs scrape the wood floors. I want to go to church on Sunday and then spend the afternoon with Nanny and Bapa, feeding the horses and smelling the flowers. I want to run into old friends in the grocery store, and then I want to stand in the aisle talking until the frozen things in my cart start to melt. I want to grow our family there in more than one way, in the country and the small house in the country.

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There’s nothing wrong with dreaming and hoping for a thousand different things. The renewed health of a loved one. The reconciling of a relationship. The love of a father, or mother, or husband or wife. The happiness of children. The success of a friend. There’s even nothing wrong with the wanting of things, things that make your heart happy with their beauty and light, like a cottage house in the country.

More than anything else I could want, I’d like to truly be content with exactly how things are in this very moment, even in the times when everything is so difficult and painful, but holds hope somehow. I can always continue to want and to dream, I just simply hope to do it with a peaceful and patient heart.

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This is the 128th installment of Just Write, an exercise in free writing your ordinary and extraordinary moments. {Please see the details here.} I would love to read your freely written words so join me and link up below. You can add the URL of your post at any time. Just be sure it’s a link to your Just Write post, not to your main page, and please don’t link to posts that are not freely written in the spirit of capturing moments–you know, don’t link to how-to posts, lists or sponsored posts. Also, please link back to this post in yours so people know where to go if they’d like to join in.



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Just Write {129}

April 1, 2014

I was walking along the main street of the town where I grew up. Everything is different and everything is the same. There are new shops and a place called Middle Fork–a quaint little restaurant owned by someone who used to babysit me. I walked in and called for her and she turned and peered through the window to the kitchen. Heather King! she said, and then she held up her left hand to show me her engagement ring. I’m getting married, she yelled. I know! My mom and dad told me! My friends and I, we had dessert. A brownie with a hazelnut cookie dough frosting piled high on top. All day I spent time with people I don’t get to see in Austin, Texas. We talked about everything and more and then I had a vulnerability hangover. Those are much better than a booze hangover, even though they hurt, too. When [...]

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#ImBornTo Write (with the 9 best books on writing)

March 30, 2014

As I told you recently, I’ve created two new Collections for the Curate for a Cause endeavor through ebay. Today I’m sharing more books from my #ImBornTo Read Collection. If you love to write, or love someone who loves to write, you’ll love this list of the 9 best books on writing! And while you’re there, you can curate your own Collection to take part in Curate for a Cause. Every Collection = $1 for March of Dimes. Hurry! The efforts will end tomorrow! (If you do so, please come back here and leave a link to your Collection in the comments.) Here are the nine best books on writing, in my humble opinion: 1. Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott 2. Steal Like an Artist by Austin Kleon 3. On Writing by Stephen King 4. If You Want to Write by Brenda W 5. The War of Art by Steven Pressfield 6. Use Your Words by [...]

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