both and beauty

May 18, 2011

I sit out in the sun with my boys
and I love the sun and my boys so much
and wasps start to dive-bomb us.
We run in the house.

They are playing so well together
with coins and coins and more coins,
pushing them across the hardwood floors,
there are coins everywhere,

scattered.

When they’re done
I ask them to pick up the coins
and they listen the very first time.
Then they get distracted and leave half the coins
and I’m standing and saying it again like a record

broken.

I get up the gumption to take them to the park
and not far into the sliding and swinging
I can tell my biggest boy isn’t feeling well.
We go home. I worry.

I get out a snack, some veggies and dip and they eat them
and I let myself think for a moment
Look. I have boys that eat veggies. Go figure.
After they are done with the “trees” that are broccoli
the table is covered in leafy green shrapnel.

The boy who was recently
not tall enough
for the stand-and-pee
can reach now.
He has no aim

and I’m still proud.

We go to urgent care for a strep test
and my big boy cries with the throat culture
and then he calms down so fast and
makes jokes
because
he’s so brave.

We get out all the painting things
and they create
in a way that
breaks and opens my heart
and it’s so messy.

Every day is always both.
The mother is entrenched in the trying
and trying
and the riding it out,

and she can somehow still see that all is beauty
because they give it away so freely.

 

He’s climbing up to the table

where I’m at the other end,

making the to-do list.

I’m all important and distracted

and then he says I love you, Mommy.

Just because.

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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Ellie May 18, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Oh, this is so beautiful, Heather. And I love that truth – that they give it away so freely.

They do, don’t they?

-Ellie
Ellie recently posted..On Not Drinking

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Lindsey May 18, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Oh, this is the true poetry of motherhood … which you’re one of the best at expressing. So, so beautiful. Thanks for this reminder. xox

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deb May 18, 2011 at 4:12 pm

exactly .
thanks for this .
How is it that I can feel it so profoundly one day and then forget it the next…. sigh.
I’m typing on a laptop in a coffee shop all writerly like, Heather. A first. Thank you for your support always.
deb recently posted..in the now and forever

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Farmer Gal May 18, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Very sweet sentiments. Those ‘I love you’s’ are priceless! Hope your boy gets better soon.
Farmer Gal recently posted..Nourish – In Action

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Jenn May 18, 2011 at 7:25 pm

Love this look into your days with your sweet boys! Beautiful, Heather!
Jenn recently posted..My First Senior Photo Session

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Ann May 18, 2011 at 8:07 pm

The beauty of your writing just slays me.

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Amy @ Never-True Tales May 18, 2011 at 9:06 pm

I love your words very much, but sometimes, it’s the photos you take that truly get to me (in a good way). Today, they light up the room.
Amy @ Never-True Tales recently posted..Calvin and the board

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Christa May 18, 2011 at 11:13 pm

Love this. The magic in the everyday, beautifully expressed.

Thanks, Heather!

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Sarah May 18, 2011 at 11:48 pm

I love the words, of course, but let’s just take a closer look at that jar of tomato-less salsa, shall we?? :)
Sarah recently posted..The New Face of Momalom

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LisAway May 19, 2011 at 2:16 am

Kind of a perfect life (since even perfect lives include things like wasps and sickness). Perfectly told, too.
LisAway recently posted..Weird

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Christine @ Coffees & Commutes May 19, 2011 at 6:03 am

Nodding, and loving every word. Together with my photos, spectacular.

P.S. You’ve reminded me that it’s time to replenis hour paint supplies!
Christine @ Coffees & Commutes recently posted..Practicing- What Iā€™d miss

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TheKitchenWitch May 19, 2011 at 8:06 am

Love this. Love you.

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Elizabeth @claritychaos May 19, 2011 at 11:51 am

the beautiful messiness. yep.
Elizabeth @claritychaos recently posted..time-lapse

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Elaine May 19, 2011 at 1:37 pm

That little middle part about “Every day is both” – Brilliant and so, SO true. You just have such a way of capturing motherhood with your words Heather. A fabulous, amazing way…
Elaine recently posted..Happy early Birthday to my Little G its on Sunday!!!

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Carrie May 26, 2011 at 10:34 pm

Love this! and I love that TJ’s salsa!!! Your posts always make me HUNGRY!!

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