Just Write {17}

January 9, 2012

I talked to myself today, as I cleaned up the kitchen. I forced myself to think of good things and I told myself that I’m a good mother. It felt weird. Maybe it shouldn’t feel weird, but apparently I’m much better at self-deprecation than cheering myself on.

Sometimes when someone says Oh hi, how are you? I want to say something like, All twisted up inside! I want to say it with gusto, like how we say Fine! Or Great!

Being all twisted up inside is just the truth and it’s not always bad. Sometimes it just means I’m a bundle of all different emotions, many of them good. We don’t say these things though, so I don’t.

I was at the grocery store today and I was standing in front of the cheese. I don’t know how long I stood there but somehow it became a very difficult decision, choosing cheese. I’m pretty sure my mind wandered and then I was startled back to reality by a woman saying excuse me while trying to push past me to get to the cheese.

I felt a little embarrassed in that moment, to have been so unaware of someone waiting behind me until they finally gave up on waiting and pushed through. So I made a joke about the cheese stumping me but she was already walking away, a much faster cheese chooser than myself.

There’s a good chance I was enjoying myself in the grocery store, with the kids at home with their Daddy and some time to just think my thinks while walking the aisles. So I took my time and probably drove all the people rushing through crazy.

It’s just that Ryan was out of town last week and he leaves again today for the rest of the week and then again next week. I will be home almost all the time, so grocery shopping is quite a luxury if you ask me. I’m all twisted up inside because it makes me nervous when he goes away and also, I’m realizing that I’m a pretty good mother. Finally. I’m slowly learning that Good Mother doesn’t have anything to do with perfection or crafts or being patient all the time. It’s more about keeping on keeping on, you know?

I chose the cheddar. The boys love it most.


This is the 17th installment of Just Write, an exercise in free writing your ordinary and extraordinary moments. {Please see the details here.}  I would love to read your freely written words so join me and link up below. You can add the url of your post at any time. Just be sure it’s a link to your Just Write post, not to your main page. There are really no rules, besides Just Write! (Then link back to this post in your post so people know where to go if they’d like to join in.) (Any links not following those two guidelines will be deleted.) 

Also. Please take a moment to visit someone else who has linked up! It’s a really good way to meet new writers and get inspired by the meaning behind their moments. Word?


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